oh well….

Thursday and Friday I convinced Simon to stay home and help… Since I was having Contractions and Xavier was sick I wanted to have his help around the house so that I could relax… It really helped us all having him home for those 4 days (2 days + the weekend)

Because I have been tired and sore I have also been cranky and a bit impatient with the kids in the last few weeks…of course that has reflected on them also… but having Simon home we were two to give attention and when I needed to relax I could go do so… over the four days we saw Xavier mellow out…

Housework was put a bit to the side and Simon spent some good time with the boys… Last week we got our “new to us” couch and chair and we put the old couch down in the playroom… we have a TV down there that wasn’t doing anything since the VCR is broken and we don’t get any channels… and Simon’s Sister and mom had brought their old super Nintendo a while back… so we hooked it up along with our Nintendo 64 so Simon played games and the kids watched and played around him….
Having the couch in the playroom makes it a lot easier for us to go down there now… I had got rid of the rocking chair  that was there in the decluttering phase so for a while there was no place to sit and I just can’t handle the floor for now…

Another thing happened over the weekend also… Simon and I sat down with the boys to draw and together we convinced Xavier to try… Xavier has never wanted to draw or colour, he rather play with the crayons and scribble… a few times I convinced him but it is a battle that I don’t want because I don’t want him to be completely put off by it. His personality makes it so that he gets discouraged easily and if he beleives that he can’t right then do it he won’t try… I think that this was a big factor in him speaking late, not liking to sing and many other things that he just refuses to do until he knows that he can… So when we sat down to draw he just started to scribble… he tried to draw something and then got frustrated… Finally Simon and I convinced him to try… we gave him an idea of a car and he started to draw… he drew a bog blob and then started to draw the wheels… 1 wheel, then 2 and then a 3rd… after that he decided to draw another orb around the 3 wheels and magically it all became a bulldozer… Simon and I encouraged him and gave him more ideas and next came a cabin and driver and then an antenna and chimney with smoke…

When he was done he didn’t want to touch it anymore, scared to mess it up… we put his name and date on it and hung it up on the clothesline that we have in the kitchen that displays past drawings, crafts and pictures for all to see… He was so proud and so were we…

The next day he was sitting at the table, either eating a meal or a snack and told me that us that he really liked his bulldozer… we again took the opportunity to tell him that we did too and that we knew he could draw and he did so so well… it showed in his eyes that he was really proud…
Anyway…. It was great to have Simon home for those four days… weekends are just not enough especially since housework takes over most weekends… We were both hoping that things happened over weekend in terms of the baby coming out so that he didn’t have to return to work… but things didn’t work out that way and he went back to work this morning… I was completely OK with it though (not like I had a choice mind you) but really it all helped me relax and I have a feeling that it will be a bit easier with the boys the next few days and I am looking forward to the baby coming and having Simon home for a few months…

However, I am still a bit worried that things will start happening while he is at work… since it takes him a while to come home if I call him before 3 because they are no express buses before that and the other bus takes longer… so depending when I call him it make take a few hours for him to get home…

Xavier…

Xavier has been so sweet this last little while. He is looking forward to meeting the new baby and cuddles me like crazy… he is also on the verge of weaning I am pretty sure of it…

The last few months he went from nursing 1-2 times a day to nursing 1-2X a week.. it is a bittersweet moment but both of us are ready for it. I have been wondering for such a long time what I would feel when he starting to wean, what he would feel… would I notice it or would it just be one of those things… I think it will be one of those things that he will just stop and before I realize it I will have forgotten the last time he nurses… Each time he nurses now I take the time to appreciate that it may be the last…

He has been really sweet also that he makes sure that I eat and I drink.. if he shares a bite of food with me he tells me to take a second bite for the baby… he fills up my water glass often without me asking and tells me to drink some for the baby…

He is going to be an amazing big brother, I can see it…

One of those moods….

Well, I am now in one of those moods…. I fell asleep in front of a movie last night and then went to bed and didn’t sleep at all through the night… I had to go to the bathroom often and each time I went I started to cry because the pain in my pelvis was killing me… this morning Colin came into nurse and got up extra early and Simon, the amazing guy he is got up with the boys… At one point I couldn’t be in bed anymore, I was in so much pain, my sciatic nerve was acting up and the pain was radiating down to my ankle so I called Simon to come and massage my back a bit…

I am tired of being pregnant… I can’t walk too much without paying for it later so I spend my days on my birth ball and in my chair..

I am 41 weeks… so at most another weeks or two I guess….I just have to keep on playing it over and over in my head… soon… it will be soon…

nothing’s happening…

Well… I am still pregnant….

I really thought that the other day would have been the day but no…. I went to bed and the contrax continued and then faded away into the night… the babe also moved back into an ROA position…

Xavier is a bit sick and I am not feeling well wither so I convinced Simon to stay home with me yesterday… and again today…

During the night some really weird feeling contractions woke me up quite a few times.. they didn’t hurt at all but my whole body shook before it came and then tightened… though it wasn’t painful, it was distracting enough to wake me up… and this morning the babe was back LOA…

I have a feeling that he or she is looking for the way out but like the boys just can’t find the way into my pelvis and can’t engage…

So I have been spending time on the birth ball as much as I can… trying to open my pelvis as much as I can…

Hopefully it will work soon…

Letting go of some fears…

I’m contracting at the moment.. I don’t know if this is it or not yet and I don’t want to get my hopes up… they are getting painful though and I have dilated a bit… so the contractions are doing something…
However, there are some fears that I need to let go of however before anything does happen..

First, this labour will be different, I feel it, I have felt it for months now. The position is different, the discomforts are different. I have never experienced labour in a normal way… just hours of back labour… back labour that lasted until the last few minutes… Though some say it is worse… I don’t know… that is all I know about labour… It is this fear of the unknown that I need to get rid of…

I am not scared at all about having a UC, I am ready for it, I feel ready, I trust my body and I trust my instincts… I have been wondering though if these other fears that I have been having have been inhibiting my contractions to go anywhere for the last 2-3 weeks… I have had hours of prodromal labour that have fizzled out… and each time i happened when I thought about the actual labour, the unknown of it all… the unknown of a labour that may progress normally…

I am letting go of these fears now…. it may not happen tonight, tomorrow or even this week but it will happen and I know that I can do it…

Here is a list of some positive affirmations that I will be telling myself…

  • My mind and body can handle a labour of any kind.
  • I will have a strong and healthy baby.
  • I trust my body to know how to birth this child.
  • I trust my instincts to know what I need in labour.
  • I trust my instincts to do what is best for my baby.
  • I trust my pain
  • I embrace the concept of healthy pain.
  • Good strong contractions help my baby come into the world.
  • I am now willing to experience all my feelings.
  • My body is beautiful, capable and strong.
  • My body knows how to have this baby, just as my body knew how to grow this baby.
  • I feel confident; I feel safe; I feel secure.

Go to Top