a hippie with a minivan

blah days…

I can’t find any other word than Blah for how I have been feeling…beware… this post is all about complaining…

I am just so tired and have no energy… we have been dealing with some financial stuff and my stress levels have been up… and appts at the bank with three boys alone is not the easiest thing to do…

The housework is not being done and things are piling up and the more it does the more worn out and stressed out I feel… today it has been raining nonstop and they are saying the same for the next two days and not being able to send the boys outside means that they just get restless and make even more of a mess with the house…so of course I have less patience and being a parent is just hard on days like these…

I make supper and the smell of it just turns me off and I don’t feel like eating and I have heartburn that won’t be calmed…

Tomorrow I have another appt and then I should be going to a homeschool meeting… I wasn’t to sure on going but there will be a new mom there that I am friends with and I am looking forward to seeing her….

I think I am going to make some Lime-Cardamom Pumpkin seed cookies to make me feel better…

only 2 more days left until the weekend…

baking…

I have been really making an effort to make all the bread products we eat from scratch… breads, rolls, sourdough, ciabatta, hotdog/hamburger buns, tortilla’s, pizza dough and more…

(simple crusty bread)

It does take time and effort and planning but really the more often I do it the easier it becomes… the first times I made tortillas it took me about an hour tp make a batch and now I can make them in less than 30 min… and I even make a 1/2 batch more so that we have leftovers and can freeze them if we need to…

Here is a simple wrap made with my tortillas, grilled veggies and tofu with an avocado-wasabi mayo…

Our everyday bread I make about once a week and I make 3-4 loaves at a time… it takes a few minutes to make the dough and then all that is left is to let it rise and make the loaves and bake…

Hotdog and hamburger buns are very simple and it takes a few minutes to make the dough and then they rise quickly and bake in a few minutes…

Though I use WW flour often, I use Unbleached flour as the usual flour because it bakes really well and makes a lighter bread which the family enjoys, and I add a 12 grain mix (especially to our everyday bread) to make it healthier and more nutritious… I also now I have a new flour (local organic flour that I have been using)… but that will be another post!

(Yorkshire pudding)

There is a lot of work in cooking from scratch, but I know what we are eating, the taste is so much better, the smell of bread baking and food cooking is so worth the effort, and we are saving money and eating better….

(garlic and cheese flatbread)

(pumpkin cinnamon buns)

and honestly doing it makes me feel proud…

just curious…

I have been curious about taking another test…

I don’t usually take many tests when I see a positive result but the tests that I took almost two weeks ago were taken a few days before my period was due and were very light… the kind of light enough that you see it in good light but barely, and the tests I took with the boys were like that also (I always test early) but with the loss I was just starting to have doubts, especially because I don’t have any symptoms besides the fact my period still hasn’t shown up…

So, I thought it could ease my mind to just try another test… and crossed my fingers to not see a negative test or even another light test…

It was a pretty cool thing to see the + sign show up way before the control line did and it wasn’t even morning pee…it is the first time that has happened… that I have seen such a strong line…

No doubts now….

still a bit of worry… but no doubts…

different…

I really hate the worry that I am having since I got my positive test… I think it is normal of course but it is hard and I had never really worried this much before…

Each time I go to the bathroom I am expecting to see blood… though I have never really had much nausea or many pregnancy symptoms in the early weeks (except for wit my loss) I am finding myself wanting to get symptoms as unpleasant as they would be…

The slightest cramp of pulling has me worried and wondering… even though I know that it is totally normal and it just shows that the Uterus is growing and the ligaments are stretching…

another new thing this time, is that we haven’t shared the news yet… I talk to people on the phone and don’t mention it… not even my mom who was always the first person I called… I have only told a few of my close friends but not many and I am OK knowing that some will read it here…

The worry is not only the only thing of course that is keeping me from wanting to share the news, but it is the way that people may react that is making me not look forward to saying anything…

When Simon announced that I was pregnant with Khéna I listened in on the phone and his mother reacted by saying something like “Oh no… not for real”… I hung up the phone, and though Simon explained that she seemed a bit happier for us after, the initial reaction has always stuck with me….

I know some think we are crazy to want another child, and though some days I might agree with them… especially when they are loud and crazy and my hormones are raging, it is our choice to make and they are not the ones raising them, feeding them and loving them….

another bunch most likely think that the only reason we would have another would be to “try for girl”…

What ever the reason, I can see us waiting to tell people when we see them and not going out of our way to announce the news… and I even feel like I would rather not tell until they notice it…

It just all feels so different this time…

Beautiful day…

The last few days have been cold here… my hands were even freezing when I went on my bike last night… but today the weather turned and it was hot! I mean yesterday it was about 12-13 and today it was 30!

I did some things around the house this morning and by the afternoon I was hot and the boys were driving me a bit crazy… I am realizing that I have been so less patient these last few days and I am not liking it…

So, I went outside and dragged out the kiddie pool for the boys… they were so excited and I was able to get a few pics…

Colin never stops jumping…

and is a bit crazy… (ok… a lot)

but he is a cutie…

Xavier is looking so much older lately and is outgrowing everything… the pool is so small for him and he can o longer fit in the little car that the boys have…

Khéna had a blast! he was so excited when he saw the pool and played in it the longest….

(I have to admit I love the motion in the above pic… I wanted to get him pouring the water out, but it is cool to see the water still coming from the bottom holes… )