I woke up this morning spotting lightly…I checked my cervix and it was medium and closed and I wondered when it would end…

I went grocery shopping and the bleeding got a bit heavier and I felt really heavy and slow… by the time I got home I was not feeling the best…

I sat down with Khéna and he fell asleep and as I shifted my weight a bit and did an involuntary Kegal I felt that something was there…  I asked Simon to take Khéna and headed to the bathroom… a clot had come out… no blood or anything was with it… just a large clot that looked like a piece of liver… my cervix was open and I just knew at that moment.. it was most likely the end…

A little while later, I took a dollar store test that I had picked up today and it was negative…

My spotting is gone and there is nothing when I wipe… I can’t believe how fast that was….

I don’t feel pregnant anymore… I still feel strange that I didn’t bleed much, no where near what my normal period is…  and that I didn’t have any cramps either…

I am OK though… I think I knew the moment that I saw the blood last Monday… and really I think that I knew before…

I had debated with myself whether to share the news of my positive test here on my blog and decided I would because it is in many ways my journal… my way of remembering things which include even the earliest days of pregnancy and whatever comes with it and after it…

I am also glad that I did because I was able to get feedback and support in a time that I needed it and I thank those that followed me through this…

Well another day has passed… I am still spotting, no clots but still red and very much there and enough to not look like will be finished today… I think I have a little while yet…

Simon went to work today, no need for him to stay home because I think that the worst is already over and now it is just the wait… I went and got supper and I noticed that I bleed a bit more when I am out and walking…I didn’t feel like leaving the house but it sure felt good to do so…

At this moment, though I want to still be pregnant, if I am honest with myself I don’t think that I am anymore. However, In the back of my mind there is still a tiny bit of hope and I may pick up a dollar store test next week or something just to help settle my mind…

I am sad, but I don’t think that it has hit me yet… I think it because I am still not 100% sure… I think it would have been easier in a way if the signs were not as mild as they are compared to what I have been told, have read or had imagined… but now I just keep teetering…

This uncertainty is hard… I am a kind of person that is impatient and hates to wait, but I guess it is one of these times that there is nothing to do but wait…

I wasn’t completely ready for another little one to be added to the family, but the possibility and the potential loss has given me an ache and I don’t think I will want to wait too much longer to do so…