I went to bed at about 8pm last night, watched a movie on my Zune and fell asleep around 9… This morning at 4am I had a cramp and went to the bathroom and was bleeding more and passed a few clots… I had a few cramps but nothing bad and they would go away when I turned over… so nothing like labour pains but I thought that the real thing must be coming so I asked Simon to stay home…

Yesterday what was really hard was that I felt a bit lightheaded and I had the stress of thinking something may happen and that I would be alone with the kids…

He stayed and when he got up to send an e-mail to his work I fell back asleep… I got up a bit later and the bleeding was less again…

I came upstairs and had another light cramp and felt another small gush and passed another clot… the bleeding has again been less since then…

After a while I thought of calling the midwife that had come to my house two days after Khéna was born and that had filled in the papers for the birth registration… I called her home and was given her cell number… she remembered me well and I explained the situation and she told me that it was not over yet and that it doesn’t sound at all like a miscarriage at this stage.. it may very well happen but it could also be unrelated… she confirmed what I thought that a miscarriage would be at least as heavy or heavier than my normal period and that I would most likely have strong cramps even at this early in the pregnancy and confirmed that it is best to stay home unless I was bleeding heavily enough to be filling two pads in an hour for more than a few hours…

If things happen, they will happen and I accept that… but it is not over yet…

So again, I am thinking and accepting the worst but I still have hope for the best…

it is an emotional rollercoaster that is for sure…