Thinking about it more and more…I think that I am very ready and happy to be going Unassisted throughout the pregnancy…

I am not the kind of person that will get scared by going unassisted. It will more likely make me feel like I have more control over the whole situation, resulting in an ever more empowering pregnancy and birth, which I truly believe is something that Women have lost with such medicalized births.
I will also be starting a Pregnancy journal to record the pregnancy. It truly is the beginning of a new journey 🙂

OH… We told the boys yesterday morning when we saw the line come up on the test… I explained that first the leaves will come back on the trees, then it will be summer and Xavier’s Birthday, then Colin’s Birthday, then the leaves will fall and it will be Hallo’een and then the baby will be here… Xavier’s Response? “I want a lot, a lot of Candy” (for Hallo’een)

We had a great day in Montreal yesterday… tiring but great… We went to one of my Favorite Restaurants, went to Bummis to buy some new covers and then walked back down St-Denis…. Xavier was exhausted at the end but the boys slept well in the car ride home.

Anyways… When I got to Montreal in the morning I called the Birthing house to make an appointment with one of the midwives… When I went there 4 years ago they were getting about 600 applications but only taking under 300, they were wuite picky about who they took… 2 years later they were getting about 1000 applications and still only taking under 300… they got even more picky… now they get over 1400 applications and still take under 300… the birthing Center just isn’t big enough for more…. I moved while pregnant with Colin, but because I was still in Montreal when I got pregnant and called and I had previously given birth there I was given priority and was taken right away… However, since we have now moved, the secretary told me that I couldn’t be taken, I can’t even got onto the waiting list…She gave me to the number for the nearest birthing center which is equally far away from me. They have the same problems however, I did get on the waiting list…However, since going to see a doctor is simply not an option for me, if I don’t get in to see a midwife I will be going unassisted. Personally I don’t mind, though I really enjoyed the visits with the midwives, I really enjoyed the contact and close relationship that we got because of the visits…

The director of the Center called me yesterday to explain her “rules” for moms that are coming in from further away… not missing appointments because of distance etc… I told her that I did it with Colin so I really didn’t mind… she then told me that I was going to be on the waiting list and that I would find out in July if I was able to go with them or not… I asked her if I could see someone before the 20 weeks just to check in considering that a doctor is not an option… she asked me what I meant and I told her that they where pretty much my only chance but that I will go unassisted if need be… I really didn’t say it to put her on the spot, which she probably thinks… It was really not my intention, but it was just the truth… she then said that she would talk to the other midwives to see if someone could see me before 20 weeks but that even if someone did, it was not certain that they would take me after though…. I told her that that would be great and that I understood (even though I was cussing at her in my mind!!!)… she then asked me a few times if I was serious that I would go unassisted, I explained that I would because I don’t have the choice and that I really didn’t mind doing it but I would rather have a midwife….

Though I am a little nervous of going unassisted I am ready to do so, the thought of a doctor scares me more. I actually feel sick to my stomach even thinking about it. I even gave a quick thought of going on my own terms but I don’t want to have each appt be a fight… I don’t want to have to explain everything of why I don’t the unnecessary and invasive tests etc…
This is especially true since I went to see the doctor here just in case when I was pregnant with Colin as requested by my midwife… I was 36 weeks and he wanted to weigh me, check me (check my cervix) and do the tests that I didn’t have done previously, tests that are completely not necessary… I told him no, and explained why and he disagreed with me…later he called me and told me that he was not comfortable having me as a patient… Subsequently he also has a very high amount of “emergency” C-sections…. I would have to say that about 80% of the moms that call me for breastfeeding problems all had “emergency” C/S at 37 weeks after having been provoked… Pretty sad….

Anyways… I have no trust in doctors, especially ones that make childbirth seem like a medical problem that needs to be dealt with with tests etc.. I have no trust in doctors that think that laying down flat on your back is in anyway a good position to give birth, I have no trust in doctors that adopt the mentality that they are delivering babies instead of giving the honour to the woman who is giving birth….

So, birthing with a doctor is simply not an option. so on Wednesday I will find out if I can see a midwife at least once before 20 weeks and in July I will find out if I will have a spot… For now, I plan to get some tests to check my protein etc, check my BP with the cuff that I already have, measure myself and maybe get something to be able to hear the heart later on….

Though this is a little Dilemma in my head I am actually not too scared of going unassisted… I am actually surprised… or on second thought… maybe not…