a hippie with a minivan

talking about the park…

Ok… I want opinions on this, it is complete ramblings though so please feel free to respond with the same 😉

So the last two days have been gorgeous, sunny and 22 C… (71 f)… Sure, it is not hot but it isn’t cool either… in the sun in was actually quite toasty…

So, I get the boys ready to go to the park… I was in a sleeveless shirt and shorts and picked out t-shirts and shorts for the boys… After lunchI put baseball caps on their heads, sunscreen on and a sippy cup/bottle of water for each and we headed for the park…

There were a few other moms with kids there and though the parents were in short sleeves and pants, the kids were dressed with sweatshirts, coats and hats… At one point I took Colin’s cap off cause it kept covering his eyes and he was all sweaty so I knew that he wasn’t cold and there was no reason he would have been anyways with the sun etc…

I feel so much out of the loop when it comes to this… I seem to really underdress my kids compared to others, I mean I do the coat and hat thing when it is cold of course… But even in the winter I just don’t like overdressing them because I think it more uncomfy to be hot and sweating then be dressed for the temp outside…
Like a few weeks ago when there was still snow/slush on the ground but fairly warm for the time of year (March) about 10 C (50 f), so I had the kids in waterproof springwear (with warm clothes under) and rain boots and got to the park and I was faced with kids in heavy snowsuits, mittens, hats, scarves and snow boots and couldn’t even play in the structures because they couldn’t move…

And then of course today I get the comment… “aren’t you cold?”…

ummm no it is 22 outside and the sun is really strong… aren’t you hot?
This isn’t a new thing either… It is something that I have noticed since Xavier was newborn… here is classical example..

Mid August, Xavier about 1 month old on the right, my cousin, two weeks older on the left…

So, Is it just me? Am I underdressing? Are others overdressing? Does anyone else notice this? Why does this bother me?

a walk in the park…

At points I realize how different my children’s childhoods will be different then my own…

On the Mothering boards recently there was a post that made me think about the liberties we had as children that many children may no longer experience. The original post was a mom that was outraged by a child playing alone at the park without any adult supervision. At one point the boy’s mom checks in with the boy and he comes back saying he has another 20 min… the boy was about 7 years old.

Some other parents were also outraged on the thread… however, some it was for the fact that the boy was left alone saying that the mom saying that she is irresponsible and “depending on other parents” to watch over her son, “what if something happened?” etc , others was for the fact that we are so much in a fear based society that we see it as “criminal” for a 7 year old to be playing in the park by himself.

I was lucky living in the mountains, able to run, walk and hide in the forest, leave for hours at a time checking in with mom for lunch and then for supper. Even when we lived in the city I was able to leave home and have adventures as long as I didn’t cross any major street, at 5 I was taking the city bus to school alone. With one place we lived, with a slight detour under the bridge that housed the highway that went through town, I could go to the park, the beach, the mall and basically cross the whole town by crossing only one small street… My mom had no problem that I did such.

I was a child in the early 80’s. At that time there was not less crime or less dangers then there are today… there was however, less fear.

When I was a child, it was normal for a 7 year old to go to the park by themselves. It was normal to ride your bike to your friends house even blocks away. It was normal to go to the store to pick up milk and other things for your mom, or go buy candies and treats even though it was a good walk to the store. Now however, it seems what is normal has changed. Parents seem to be scared to let their children explore since they have been fed horror stories and fear based news. The “what if’s” seem to overrule the trust in the child. I do understand that there are some kids that at 7 and not as mature as other, however, I really think that the problem is based in the fear that parents have.

Now it is the norm to have scheduled play dates and activities. Have a full schedule with a parent bringing them everywhere or staying at home and doing nothing but play video games or ride their bikes in the driveway. Children are taught to fear the world and are not taught to take care of them selves. They are not given the independence they need and crave in order to grow. It seems so contradictory especially since most of these parents believe that children must be forced into independence as babies.

I really think that if you teach a child that they are always safe at home and give them strong and trusting foundation, that in turn you teach a child how to take care of themselves and they know when to come back home in a situation that may not feel right. I think that we must talk to them about our fears (not in a way to scare them but to make them aware and make sure that they will know what to do in situations), show them that we trust them to make the right decisions because they will then want to keep that trust and will do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. I refuse to teach my children to not talk to strangers (how will they learn to make friends?) however I will teach them limits.

I refuse to shelter my children from the world and I will not hide things from them. However, I will not teach then with fear and instead show them how to deal with situations that may arise.

Though my children’s childhoods will be different from my own, I do not want it to be as different as others are making it. I think the major difference will be in the way that others perceive the independence instead of the independence itself.

I’m Sad….

After supper, Xavier and Simon found Nelson (our older cat) on the stairs outside with something wrong with his leg.

I choose Nelson when he was about a week old. He still had his eyes mostly closed and wasn’t yet able to walk. We brought him home about 3 months later when he had been weaned from his mom. I was 13.

He became very attached to me and me to him, he slept with me every night and was always not too far. He was also Roger’s favorite also and we used to “fight” over who was his “parent”…

Over the years he was just part of the family, my little sidekick, my “gros nanou”…

In his first year we almost lost him a few times due to recurrent bladder stones and he went through surgery three times. We weren’t able to find a food that agreed with him and finally after the third time we finally found the right food and kept him on that….
When I moved in with Simon, he came with me. he became our cat… Xavier was born, then Colin… Nelson saw it all… he wasn’t close to the kids but would come running if they would cry… He would be around my feet looking at me like he was saying “What’s wrong” and would nuzzle a bit…

Simon brought him up the stairs and put him on the ground to see what exactly was wrong, I was thinking a broken or sprained limb at first but he tried to walk and both of his legs dragged behind him. He was paralysed.

I called the Vet and went straight away, knowing very well deep inside that he wouldn’t be coming back. We knew well enough that we let Xavier and Colin say bye and we told them straight away that there where good chances that he wouldn’t be coming back.

I got to the vet and waited for quite an bit being that they were full but had told me to come when I had called. When I went in she checked to see the extent and though we thought that it may have been that he had not landed well during a fall she explained that it was more likely an embulism. Pretty much he had a stroke of the spinal cord. She explained that we could try anticoagulants and wait 24-48 hours but with his pre-existing cardiac problems, his age and the fact that there was no pulse at all in his hind legs and they were as cold as ice, that it would probably not be fair to him. I had to agree with her. I don’t think it is ever in my right to choose the time of death of another being, but I also didn’t want him to suffer and I knew that it was the right thing to do… as hard as it was…

I stayed with him and brought him home after. My mom will be burying him up at my uncles place this weekend along side our dog and another of our dear cats.

Nelson was 15 years old, was still in great shape,was still as loving and cuddly and as handsome as he has always been, he slept with us each night nest to our heads and would groom me often. Today, he stayed next to me all day and even let Colin cuddle and pet him…

Xavier is sad and wants Nelson to come back but understands that he is dead.It seems that he told Simon that Nelson is with his Pops. Though I don’t beleive in such, I still can understand the comfort it brings…

I will miss him…

Now this would be amazing….

Though we found out about this a week ago at least I haven’t said anything about it because I REALLY want it to work out and would be a bit dissapointed if it doesn’t…

Anyways.. here in Quebec we have gotten a new Maternity leave program. You may or may not know this but Canada has a year of paid Maternity for moms with some of that availible to dads.

However, Quebec has brought it even further starting in January this year…
First change, The Salary cap has risen from the 37000/year that Canada has, to 52000/year for quebec moms and dads. Also, the leave has been made into two programs availible for both employed and self-employed parents as long as they are making at least 2000$ a year.
Second change is that the Leave has been seperated into 3 parts… Maternal Leave, Paternal leave and Parental leave. The Maternal is the mom’s and cannot be shared with the dad, the paternal leave is the opposite and cannot be shared with the mom, the parental can be taken or shared by either.
Another change is that there are two programs availible when a baby is born. (there are also options for adoption)
Option A (longer leave with less money):

Maternal:18 weeks at 70% of Salary,
Paternal: 5 weeks at 70%,
Parental: 7 weeks at 70% and then 25 weeks at 55%

Option B

Maternal: 15 weeks at 75%
Paternal: 3 weeks at 75%
Parental: 25 weeks at 75%

Because we are a one Salary household and I am a SAHM we need the more money option and because I will not be using any of it, Simon will be able to take it all to himself if he chooses. (which of course he would love!)

The 25% less salary will make a difference but not by much when you take away the transportation costs (his bus pass is 200$ a month) and the bit more money that will be entering the house with the birth of another child…

So if all goes well, Simon will be able to take a 28 week leave!!!! (paternal + parental)

I can’t believe it! I can’t even imagine us being a full time family for almost 7 months! Being able to do things as a family. Being able to get things done around the house and spend time with the kids. Simon being able to see and experience the new baby to the fullest…

Keep your fingers crossed for us…

Interesting day…

I gave a little babywearing presentation again yesterday to a small group of moms to 6-12 months old. Again I was a bit aprehensive that they would listen or be attentive to babywearing as it seems so many believe that after the infant stage babies are no longer supposed to be held and the revious experience with wearing has been with a Baby Bjorn type carrier that is akward and uncomfortable the more the baby grows. I explained the advantages, the fun of baby wearing and then the different types of carriers… they then had the fun of trying them out for themselves. That is where the real transformation takes place. While watching me they are scared that the wraps and slings are not safe and say that their babies are too big and heavy (even though I use Colin to show them many of the positions)… When they try them on they realize how the weight disappears and love the handsfree that they never experinced with the carriers they tried in the past. Each took me card and I have a feeling that I will be getting a few phone calls…

I also had a very interesting conversation with a mom there who is also a nurse and remebered me from an interview I did about breastfeeding in a local paper when Colin was tiny and had thought that the sling was an amazing idea. That day was also the day that she found out she was expecting her daughter.. Another conversation with her and the others came upon unassisted birth with the explanation that she had a very fast birth with her first and had trouble making it in time to the nearest birth center and said that next time she would be having a homebirth, assistance or not and we explained together how birth can be a very different experience when compared to the hospital. Surpising (or not) she is also a nurse…
I came back home for a few minutes and then needed to leave to get Simon at the bus, come back home to get my 4 season tires, grabed a sandwich at Dunkin Donuts and went to the garage to leave the car to get the tires and oil changed and a fellow volunteer picked me up from there to go give a prenatal. (she wanted to see how they where done before she will do one by herself)

The Pre-natal was cool.. the moms were all interested though the dads were a bit distracted talking about missing the hockey game a few times… The nurse that was there is really cool. I have already given a pre-natal with her and we get along very well… I mentioned this last time I did it with her also, she finds it so hard giving these classes because sh doesn’t agree with many of the things that she is supposed to say. (She believes in Co-sleeping, Being a volunteer however, and not having the same “responsibilities” I have a bit more leway in that area and can at least instill an idea of questioning in the moms when it comes to the automatic pill prescription and automatic Vitamin D even in a summer baby…

When it was over I asked the nurse if she could check my Blood pressure just to see if I have been getting comparable readings. The fellow volunteer that brought me left and got a ride with the nurse. We talked quite bit while we cleaned up after the meeting and one thing that came up was the misinformation that moms often get in the hospital when they give birth. She said that they have also seen the same especially since the new pediatrician arrived and they have seen many moms get conflicting ideas from her. This of course is the same doc that I felt like hitting a while back… I am glad to find to have found out that they are gathering a lot of info and will be confronting her soon.

I also told her that I was going unassisted at the moment i my pregnancy and she had many questions about it. One of the things she asked about was the clamping of the cord then I explained that I beleive things would have been different with my last birth if the cord would not have been clamped and cut immediately (Colin had trouble breathing and I had a bit of hemorraging) She said that she was concerned of the “new trend” of wanting to delay cord cutting because she heard from others that because of the baby getting more red blood cells that Jaundice would be more frequent. I told her that I didn’t believe that to be true and she said that she is very open to knowing more and to please send anything her way… (I found some studies within a few minutes of searching when I got home), she also said that she would love to get together with me to discuss more about it all which would be a very cool thing to do…

Anyways… the day turned out to be quite interesting and I found support from people that I really didn’t expect…