New Beginnings – a hippie with a minivan

31 weeks…

I find this pregnancy is going by so fast, 31 weeks already but I honestly don’t feel it in the same ways as I did the last times…

As I have mentioned before, I am carrying differently this time. The baby is high and not as outwards as the first three were, I can still button up a few pairs of pants, granted, they are the ones that were loose on me already… but it is a good thing since I don’t have any other maternity pants that fit me besides a pair of stretchy black pants…

I measured myself a few days ago and was surprised to see that I was measuring 38cm… but my uterus has been high since the beginning so though I was surprised, it doesn’t phase me… but if I am measuring that I do think that I should look it more.. my belly is definitely hard though and I can feel the parts of the baby quite well… the baby is also moving like crazy and flipping over all the time… kicks are never in the same place..

Here are a few pics I took 2 days ago…(never mind the pants marks on my tummy, I pushed my pants down to take a pic… and yes, I have a cavernous belly button)

Besides that, I have been keeping up with appointments at the Chiro and for massage and with both of those my back feels great. I still have a lot of symphysis pain in the front but without the back pain, or the back pain being more dull when it does bother me, it is a lot easier to manage. Nights are still hard though, so is walking for a bit and I am definitely waddling but once I have turned over in bed, and when I am sitting in my favourite chair, I don’t feel it that much.

Because the baby is high I have been feeling out of breathe more and more… a feeling I hate. Also, the heartburn is not letting me go and everyday it gets me hard enough that it can almost bring tears to my eyes, especially when I lay down at night…

As for the stuff that needs to be done… well it all still needs to be done…

I have no energy though and the energy that I work up, I use to do something with the kids, or use to do the normal housework stuff that is falling behind completely…

In just over a week it will be Khéna’s birthday, then, after that just a few weeks until Xmas, and then a few weeks until I will be a mom for the fourth time… I am starting to look forward to meeting this new little one (and finding out if I will have a fourth boy, or a first girl)…

I need to start thinking about names!

heartbeat…

I was able to get a little sound clip of the heartbeat last week and thought that I would share… it is the first time that I have heard the heartbeat this clear in any of my pregnancies…

At first in the clip you hear the normal heart beat sound but then you start hearing actual thumping.. hearing the thumping noise in the doppler was really a first and I have to admit it was amazing to hear… which is why I had to get the recording…

Heartbeat

Enjoy 🙂

Breathe…

Simon was playing D&D with the boys and the house was quiet…

I called my dad to say Happy Fathers day and talked for a few minutes with him… and while I was on the phone I saw in the corner of my eye, the box with the Doppler in it… I got off the phone and the doppler called to me and begged me just to try. (I assure you, I am still sane)

I told myself, no… it is too early… I remember the midwife saying that you can’t hear the HB before 12-13 weeks especially when you are overweight…

Never mind… I came back upstairs….

It called to me again… it was more insistent… (OK… maybe I am going crazy) but this time I listened…

With the way that I have been feeling, I thought that I could just try… just see… and told myself I wouldn’t be disappointed if I didn’t hear it…

I thought about where I would be able to find the HB if I could hear it.. so I first tried very low and down but I didn’t hear anything… I didn’t want to try too long so I was about to stop but then just decided to try a little higher… then I heard it…

Just then, Simon came down the stairs and I told him that I heard it… I tried to pick it up again for him, and right after he got to hear it also…

What an amazing sound… what amazing emotions that go with it… and relief… and the realization that there is actually a little life in me again…

I feel like I can breathe just a little easier…

Weird…

This pregnancy is a bit weird for me at the moment…

I am finding myself forgetting that I am pregnant instead of my usual habits of looking at pregnancy things everyday… I told my mom last week when I went up to the cabin and I hesitated before I did… but finally decided to and now I regret it a bit… and besides friends I feel no pull into sharing the news with other family….my mom called yesterday and asked how the baby was and I said that he was good and running around… not thinking at all that she was talking about the one growing in me and not Khéna.

With Xavier it was the excitement of having a first, waiting for my midwife appt., doing exams and writing papers and working the x-mas rush at work… With Colin it was the excitement of having a second, going out a lot around Montreal with Xavier, buying a house etc…With Khéna it was choosing to have a UP/UC and soaking up all the info that I could…. This time, it is just life as usual and in someway I think that I am scared to get too attached in case some thing happens.

I also find that these first weeks make it easier to feel the way that I do because there is no movement yet… no heartbeat to be heard… besides aversions and a few cravings I have no symptoms… so it is still just a waiting game and though it was still the same waiting game with the others, this time it just feels different…

aversions…

One of my main pregnancy symptoms has hit… Aversions…

I have a slight hint of nausea lingering at all times and I am having so many aversions… food that I usually like just don’t appeal to me…

If I make a meal that needs to cook for a while, by the time that it is done cooking I can’t stand to eat it and there are very few things that I really “feel” like eating…

So a few times this week I have made a supper and have not been able to eat it…

Last night I had take out and it felt really good to actually eat a full meal and then was able to eat the rest for lunch…

Why does our body do this to us… we are growing a baby but can’t look at food to even nourish ourselves…