Now I am just waiting for the battery to charge…
It seems to be taking forever…. of course it has been only about 20 min but time seems to stand still when you stare at something…lol
and of course today has to be rainy dark and sticky and really not a great day to take pics… But I have it and I will take them!!
Last Friday I decided to head to Montreal to see an old friend who had a photography/art exposition… I picked Simon up at work and we headed up to St-Denis and Deluth and I found a parking space right away which is always a nice thing…
We headed to the gallery to make sure that she was there and Simon and the boys stayed for a few minutes and then went out to eat together… I stayed and talked and looked for a while and then went looking for them… Since they had eaten and I hadn’t I decided to go my favourite restaurant in Montreal… ChuChai
Simon and the boys went for a walk and to check out a store and I sat down on the terrasse and ordered something to drink while I looked at the menu… I knew what I was going to eat but I was wondering about the entree so I asked for a suggestion from the waitress… so I got the breaded crispy seaweed with sweet and spicy sauce…and ordered the tofu with peanut sauce and crispy spinach and sticky rice for the main meal…
I people watched and took a few pics while I waited… Though I love to eat out with a friend or with the family, I really don’t mind dining alone.
I got my entree and started…. omg it was amazing!!!
just when I started to eat a man sat down at the table beside me… he had brought a bottle of wine and the waitress uncorked it and served him and asked if he wanted to keep the cork and he said yes and he made a joke that he couldn’t finish it without help unless someone helped and then offered me a glass… I laughed it off but he asked again and I decided to take him up on his offer… the vibe that I got off him was just a nuce guy vibe…
So we ended up talking through the whole supper… he has three grown kids and 3 grandkids… he is a teacher for adults who don’t know how to read and need basic skills to work…
There were moments of silence that were not at all awkward because we were just two strangers eating alone next to each other…
I got my main course and forgot to take a pic… next time I will try though because the food there is worth the trip to Montreal….
I finished up and then headed to the car to meet Simon and we started to head home…
It was a night like that night that I miss living in Montreal… people watching, meeting nice people, eating amazing food and walking on streets full of life…
What is it about guilt and parenting?
When I think of guilt I think that it is the feeling that you get when you know you are choosing to do something that you shouldn’t do, or know that is not the best choice. Guilt is something that is so personal and no one can make you feel guilty if you know that there are no other choices or that you are doing the right thing.
In the breastfeeding, birth, parenting and all the other debates the subject of guilt always come up… we must not talk about the importance of breastfeeding ,natural birth, gentle parenting, the benefits of baby wearing or co-sleeping and so-on because we might happen to make someone feel guilty…
That is completely absurd though…
Why not be able to speak the truth just because someone might have to face the choice they made?
Yes, there are of course those that could not breastfeed for whatever reason and some reasons of course are completely undisputable and many are simply because of lack of knowledge or support. Some may just not know better not to hit their children because they don’t know about alternatives, or had made their kids CIO because they thought it was best or the only choice they had…
But then I go back in that case to what feeling guilty is… it is feeling remorse for doing something that you know was not the best choice. However, If that choice has been taken away from you, then you may feel sadness, you may feel anger at the situation but you should not feel guilt… and if you made the choice that you thought was best at the time but later find out that you could have chosen better then there is no point in feeling guilty either… you cannot change the past but at the very least you can make different and better choices in the future or try your best to correct your mistakes… and not only should guilt not be felt but it should be important to get the right information out so that others do not go down the same path.
It is therefore important to talk about the importance of certain choices. There is no debate in the fact that formula is not equal to breastfeeding and that the lack of breast milk and the use of formula can cause sickness, diabetes, obesity, cancer, asthma and even death. Being unable to breastfeed must be hard to say least but there is a complete lack of milk maids in our society and time… and a lack of breast milk banks… and because those are not available, then formula is the next choice. Yes, it is not the best… but it is also no longer a choice… and it is the best you could do and it was done with the best intentions.
Of course there are those that do believe that formula is equal… or “just as good” as breast milk… or those who believe that not spanking is permissive parenting and that kids are not capable of being taught right and wrong without violence… or those that believe that kids just need to cry themselves to sleep because if not they will never learn how to fall asleep otherwise. But those are not the people that are likely to feel guilty, just as I will never feel guilty about breastfeeding, choosing not to spank or co-sleeping…
There was a time that I had no real qualms in feeding my children foods with harmful chemicals such as food dyes or artificial flavouring, I was watching out for other things that I did not want to feed them and thought that I was making good choices… and there are other choices that I made that I also did with the best intentions but now know better…
I do feel remorse for some of the choices I have made and I believe that I still experience the consequences of those choices at times… but I can’t change what I once did and did with good intentions, and I won’t stop someone from talking about those things even though it might make me remember my past choices… I can however work on repairing the damage and making better choices in the future… so I do not feel guilty and if I do then it is a sign that I need to work on forgiving myself and keep striving for better…
Anyway… my point is that I am tired of not being able to talk about things just for the fear of making someone feel guilty. Stating facts or sharing personal experiences is not something that people do to make others feel guilty (nor is it a direct judgement on others that don’t make the same choices… but that is another post… 😉
If you feel guilt then it is up to you to look at why and see what you can do to change that. Either by accepting that you made the best choice with the best intentions with the best knowledge you had at the time or that you can change something now or in the future to rectify it and feel better. I just wish that people could own their own feelings instead of trying to making others hide their feelings or hide the truth so that they just don’t have to think about it…
Well it is official!
I just bought tickets for BC yesterday!
No, we’re not going to live there, not yet anyway, but we are going out for a vacation.
I am so excited! We leave on July 24th and Simon will be back on the 14th of August because he has to go back to work, but I will be back about a week or two later… I asked my dad to come house sit while we’re gone and to take care of the cat. I feel better knowing that someone will be here to watch out for the house.
On August 2 we have a big reunion party in Nelson, and I can’t wait to see people that I have not seen in years. I also can’t wait to see my really good friend that lives in Nanaimo and whom I speak to everyday but I have never met in real life. I am also looking forward to see my mom and for her to see the boys, and I think the boys are looking forward to seeing her too. There are so many things that I am looking forward to on this trip!!
Another cool thing is that my mom is renting us a car while we are out there. So we will be able to travel freely and at our own rhythm with the kids while we go from Vancouver to Nelson and back.
Now to get things ready for the trip…
I think we have a lot to do!
Simon and I both got new computers!
Simon’s computer was about 6 years old and he was needing to manually start the fan on it often and my laptop, though newer has had a few accidents and was holding on by a thread… or a usb… with tape…
So after searching quite a bit Simon found a great refurb HP m8300f on sale at Future Shop… we sat on that for a few weeks until we finally decided to go for it… plus a screen for me… Ordered them on Tuesday and yesterday morning three boxes arrived at our door step!
OMG! I love it!!
First, it looks sleek… Really nice.. and it is fast, has tons of storage, built in card reader and is really nice to use…
We are trying Vista and knock on wood… everything is pretty good with it…
Looking at pics on my new screen is great also… I can’t wait to do some editing and be able to see the pics that much better…
I love getting a new toy!