Misc Ramblings – Page 10 – a hippie with a minivan

Praise and the proverbial carrot…

Someone asked me why I am against praise… what’s wrong with showing someone you are proud of them?

Not praising doesn’t mean that you never show someone you are proud of them. It just means that you put the emphasis on them being proud of themselves, and doing things for themselves, instead of doing things to make others happy or proud. Like discipline and punishment, it is about external motivation vs internal motivation. Like punishment, praise only works in the short-term, it ultimately fails and does harm long-term.

I could write so much about it but I think there are great articles already written that say it all… Here is one by Alfie Kohn “Five Reasons to stop saying “Good Job!” and here is another on the Natural Child Project called Rewards and Praise: The Poisoned Carrot… go ahead and read them! I’ll wait 🙂

So now, what is wrong with saying “good boy!” or “good job!” or when a baby does something new, or a child draws a picture, or rides his bike?

Basically it’s that it has the opposite effect that parents want it to have, it isn’t helping them accomplish new things or feel better about themselves. It is focusing on the outcome instead of on the effort. Children come to expect it and do things for a reward or praise instead of just doing it. Alfie Kohn’s article some great suggestions on what can be said instead…

So instead of writing on about why I don’t agree with praise, I thought I would give a personal example…

Personally I don’t deal well with manipulation, I know that, and if someone tries to manipulate me, it just makes me want to do the opposite. I think it is a normal reaction that many people have.

As you may know, I have been working on decluttering our house and I am finally getting into a routine to keep the house manageable and easier to clean.

When my mom comes into my house, every.single.time says “wow! it’s so clean here!” it makes my toes curl. I often answer, “yeah… so?” and deep down I feel like making sure that my house is messy before her next visit.

Why does she say it? To compliment me a job well done? isn’t that weird? Why is she so surprised or happy that my house is clean? Does she think that pointing out that my house is clean now will affect how I keep it in the future? Does a clean house reflect who we are?

When I really thought about it I understood that I was reacting to her comment, her praise, in the same way I react to manipulation. I want to dig my heels in and do the opposite. When she says “wow, it’s clean in here” I hear her say that she was expecting to walk into a messy house and that comment, that praise, is her saying that she is pleased.

Her praise is about her, not me. She is making a judgement on the state of my house and pointing it out as being good.

That is what praise is… it’s about that proverbial sugar-coated carrot that is put up to keep you on the right track.

But, you see, under that sugar-coating there is a rotten carrot underneath.

So what could she say instead? Actually, I would rather she say nothing at all. Maybe she could ask for a cup of tea? It would mean a lot more to me.

A few pictures…

I am in the process of writing a few posts at the moment… but can’t seem to finish any of them…

So for now I am just going to share a few new pics…

It is amazing to see how Willa is changing…. She is in a language boom completely, talking in sentences and able to communicate what she wants and needs. She also loves doing things for herself such as getting milk out of the fridge and pouring herself a glass, or getting undressed and dressed by herself.

She loves her brothers, though I would have to say that Colin and Xavier are her go-to guys as she and Khéna are closer in age and there is a bit of rivalry going on…

(she loves to draw with Colin…)

and hang out with Xavier…

Talking about Xavier… he is getting big… I mean really big! He’ll be ten in just a few months and he comes up past our shoulders… I am starting to see the day that he will be taller than me and it feels a bit strange. He is also changing. He has always been a very sensitive, intense and impulsive kid that resists change, and now he is mellowing out and is able to control his emotions and can see that change is not always bad. It is making our family life so much easier.

It is amazing to see how my family is growing and how the dynamics are changing…

My four beautiful children…

Zoku Quick Pops…

This is the Zoku quick pop maker.

It is one of the gifts that the kids got for the holidays. It is definitely not a cheap kitchen gadget so I was a bit hesitant that it would not be used much, but it was on their list (they all wrote that they wanted 1/3 of the maker) and I decided to go for it. The Zoku quick pop maker does exactly what it’s name says… It makes popsicle in about 7 minutes. Because the pops are so fun and easy to make we have been using it often and I went ahead and got a few more accessories for it and I am even thinking that I might get the lone pop maker so that we can make 4 at a time…

There is no electricity needed, all you need to put the maker in the freezer for 24 hours and in doing so you will be able to get 9 pops out of it… that easy.

What is so fun about these is that because they freeze so quickly you can make pops with layers, with fruit suspended in them and even pops with one flavour on the outside and another on the inside…

What goes in them… well that is your choice 🙂

The only guidelines are that you make sure that your pops have enough sugar (no artificial sugar in these) so that they will release from the pop maker when done. They also recommend that you don’t use mixes that are too thick or too fatty as they won’t hold the stick well and again, you will have trouble releasing.

(this “super tool” screws on the end of the stick and when you turn it you are able to release the pops with ease)

I was making mostly smoothie pops for a while. Frozen fruit with juice and yogourt and honey or maple syrup.

Then I got the recipe book free with an order of accessories, and the ideas started to flow. (the book is great and is all about the most natural and fresh ingredients)

I had some pumpkin in the fridge I needed to use so this is a pumpkin pie pop: the pumpkin layer is purred pumpkin with a bit of cream, brown sugar and cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg and the white is cream and vanilla with a touch of brown sugar.

So good!

The accessories that I got were the storage case so that we can make some pops in advance, extra sticks, and the accessory kit that includes 3 measuring cups, a slanted holder to make zig zag pops, a sort of turkey baster tool to make filled pops, fruit shape cutters and the tool to suspend said shapes in the pop.

The next thing I want is the new chocolate station… (but it doesn’t seem to be available in Canada yet)

I have so many more ideas now… I think my next one is an orange creamsicle: orange on the outside with a creamy vanilla layer on the inside…

or a strawberry shortcake pop… or a brownie pop… or raspberry cheesecake pop…

We’re not going to get tired of this any time soon.

Catching up….

Last weekend with all we did in the house, I didn’t get around to taking the holiday pictures that I wanted in front of the tree to include in the family picture book I am making. So on Monday, I asked all the kids to get dressed, got dressed myself and took pictures. Simon wasn’t there and Wilhelmina was in a bad mood, so taking pictures was a bit interesting, but it worked!

Not only did I get photos of the kids, Xavier took the camera and got some photos of me and Willa as well…

And even a rare photo of me nursing… not that I don’t nurse often… it feels as though she is always nursing at the moment… but because it is rare that I am in front of the camera instead of behind it. Honestly, the only way I get pictures of myself is when I ask for a picture to be taken…

She looks so small cuddled in my arms nursing…

Another thing we did last week is to go to the hospital with Wilhelmina for a follow-up Mag3 Renal scan…. The test was a bigger one than I thought. For the other tests in nuclear medicine she would have a dye injected and then we would wait a few hours and then head back for images. This test however started the second that the dye was injected and because timing is everything in this one, and there were two injections involved and her bladder needed to drain etc. our first stop was the nursing station where she had an IV and catheter put in. The nurses were amazed at how well she reacted to having the IV put in. She wasn’t happy, but didn’t fight and didn’t need to be held down. I told them that her veins were awful and they saw what I meant when they put the needle in and her vien rolled away. The nurse was patient, took a deep breath and changed the needles direction and got it. Only one poke and a rare one of the many, many IV’s that blood return. The second she got it and I told her “I love you” she said it right back directed at Wilhelmina for how easy she made it. They hooked up the IV so that she would be hydrated and then put the catheter in which was not fun at all. When the catheter was in she cried and cried and screamed peepee until I told her to just let it go and pee around the catheter… she did and it helped.

We headed to the nuclear department and she was strapped to the table (her arms free) and they injected the dye and the test started. The camera was under her and nothing moved so she just talked to me, watched a movie and held my hand. At the 30 min mark they injected a diuretic (the goal of the test is to see kidney function and see how well they drain) and they helped her empty her bladder with the help of the catheter and she stayed calm through the whole test. Another 25-30 min later they analysed the test quickly to make sure at least 70% of her kidneys had drained, they did so we were able to leave right away.

We went to see her doctor after the test but he was in surgery so the secretary said that we would get the result either by the end of the day or the day after… He called the next morning to tell us that everything looked great. Only one more test in a month and then we will hopefully be able to put this all behind us.

The last thing I want to catch up on is what we are doing in the house. I am not completely finished the kitchen but we are a bit closer. I was able to clear up a problem spot that we had next to the water machine.

I found a picture of what it used to look like… that little container with drawers was where we kept blank paper, makers etc… and that basket above it was mostly things that I wanted access to but that did not have a “home”. We would tidy it up often but within a day or two it would go back to looking like that…

Furthermore, I had a high storage bin with drawers in the sewing room with craft stuff that was never being used because it was out-of-the-way. So I decided to bring that into the kitchen in the opposite corner, clear it out and again only keep what we will use. that cleared up more than enough space to put the stuff that was in that basket. The smaller bin now has a crayons, pencil crayons and markers all in their respective drawers and can be put on the table when the kids are using it.

That space that got cleared up ended up being the perfect size for my dehydrator. I was getting ready to put the dehydrator in a bottom cupboard but that would mean that I would have to get it out and move things around when I wanted to use it. So having it out-of-the-way but plugged in is great for me and now I have that much more counter space back. It’s great!

I also did my kitchen drawers. I was surprised that I didn’t need to take much out as I use most of it on a regular basis, but it did need a big over haul of organization and once that was done it looked like it al took up only half the space that it did before.

The other thing we tackled was our room. I went through my clothes and took out what I just don’t wear even though I might like the idea of wearing it and then cleared out our closet and got all of the dust out. We really don’t have much clothes hanging so our next step might be to put Simon’s dresser in the closet and then we could put Wilhelmina’s toddler bed in our room, she has never slept apart from us but I think it would be fun for her to have a space of her own.

So the big cleanup is continuing and our regular house work seems to be suffering a bit because we are focusing on the stuff behind the scenes. But when we do clean up now, things are actually being put away instead of travelling from one temporary home to another and are now gaining permanent homes.

I am loving the results and can only see more positive ahead.

Procrastination…

I have so many things I want to get done, so many projects I want to do but I can’t seem to get up and actually do any of them. I feel lazy and well… Blah…. and everything is suffering.

My sanity, because we are all feeling boxed in. My house, because I haven’t been keeping up. Our health, because I have been resorting to easy meals and not enough fresh veggies. And the blog, because I have feel like I have nothing to say because I have been not doing anything…

Of course it doesn’t help that I have had a sinusitis for the last 3-4 weeks and it feels like my head is about explode at any time. I haven’t had one this bad in years, but this morning I feel a bit of a change and less pressure so hopefully it is finally at the tail end. But can can that be my excuse.. partly yes but really no…. It is harder to do things when I feel in such a way, but if can if I push myself to do it.

The problem is that I don’t push myself.

So today is Saturday and I have tons of plans ahead for the weekend and I am going to get things done.

We had taken a lot of toys out of storage to take pictures of and sell or donate but now though I took some pictures, I am not done and now they are mostly just taking up space in my sewing room and making me feel weighted down. So I think I am going to put everything back into storage for a while until the holidays are over. It doesn’t help toward the clutter for now, but it will help with my mood and with my sanity. I would also love to get some sewing done before the holidays but with the toys around I want to avoid the room instead of being creative in it.

My big plan this weekend is to also tackle the kitchen. With Simon home, we can load the donations into the car immediately and then bring them before the end of the day or tomorrow.

When will I learn that not doing something and ignoring it doesn’t make it go away… it just makes it worse…