Alternative Parenting – Page 6 – a hippie with a minivan

letting go…

This summer has marked a big turning point in our family, a summer full of new gained independence. When I was young I was walking across town by 6-7 years old, going to the park, heading to the store and was almost never at home… Things have definitely changed. Not that I believe that crime is up or that kids are less safe, but I believe that people keep to themselves more, communities are more closed, kids more controlled and there is less trust all over. Maybe it is just in my community, maybe it is more widespread, but I don’t see kids walking around alone much anywhere.

Around the end of last spring, Xavier started going on his own to the park.It is not far, it is pretty direct but he had never shown any interest before and I was just waiting for him. It was only for a few minutes and he was too nervous to stay too long but he went and came back quickly, and went a few times after that… however, when I would head to the park with the kids there were times that we would take other routes and he couldn’t get his bearings so I didn’t think that he was quite ready to explore much yet.

However, a few weeks ago he went out on his bike and stayed for a bit longer. I wasn’t worried, Xavier is quite cautious and in most of the things he does, he has trouble testing his own limits until he is completely comfortable that he can do something… (of course then there is no stopping him!)… then I get a bit more nervous…

When he came back, he told me about all the places he had gone… he explored the neighbourhood, went to the limits without crossing any of the big streets. My heart stopped for second… he had gone so far, he had explored so much. He found paths that lead between houses, and he had gotten lost and then found himself again, he saw where Simon takes the bus and then when he got home his mind was set on picking Simon up at the bus stop when he came home from work. There is a big street to cross… it was farther than I thought I would be comfortable with… but he explained the way perfectly and I swallowed my fears and let him go.

So he left….

and came back beaming next to Simon…

and

The next day,

Colin went with him.

Since then, Xavier and Colin, my 9-year-old and my newly 7-year-old, have headed out on their bikes or by foot, exploring the neighbourhood, meeting kids (well, before school started again) and on almost a daily basis they head out before supper and come back with Simon, Walking or biking the 3 km (1.8 miles) to go pick up their father…

It is hard to let go of some fears at times, but it is the only way to let them grow… and I am so happy that they are not only finding this new independence but there are gaining the confidence that comes with it.

How far do your kids go? How old are they?

What a day…

A few weeks ago I was asked if I would be interested to consult on a baby wearing scene for an episode of a popular Quebecois television series called “La Galère” . I jumped at the opportunity! Not because I know the show, I actually had never heard of it, but because it sounded like fun 🙂

I needed to get there at 7:30am. That alone was my biggest stressor…. My mom decided at last minute last Friday that she would take the boys to the cabin for the weekend so they were with her while Simon and I caught up with some things in the house. It also made it easier to figure out what I would do to get to Montreal on time. The location was just a few minutes from our friend Jody’s house who is currently travelling, so we were able to get the keys and sleep there on Sunday night.

I got up bright and early and headed to the old 26 room manor called the Mary Dorothy Molson House that they are using as the set. The house itself was amazing to see.

I met with the costume ladies and was shown the bit of african cloth they wanted to use for the character and was told what the director was looking for. I also met with the mom and two beautiful 3 month old twin girls who play the role of the baby in the show.

Then it as the hard part. To explain that what the director wanted was not realistic with such small babies who are not used to be worn and to try to find an alternative. After many trials we ended up using the babies’ silicone twin double.

Watching the shootings of the scenes were quite interesting.

Everyone had a job to do and the director was very stereotypical and you did not want to get in her way. I was able to watch the screen seeing the scene come to life, take after take… and once they got what they wanted in one position, they needed to go the next one in a different angle or with the close-up on one one actor instead of the others… Literally hours of saying the same thing over and over again… I could never be an actor! As I watched on the screen I payed attention to little details and made sure that the carrier was placed the same way each take and enough of the babies head was showing to show that there was a baby on her back but made sure that there was not too much because the silicone jiggled too much each time the actress moved…

The next scene that was shot was actually what was happening right before the first scene and the actress is trying to get the baby on her back while reading instructions… it was actually quite hilarious because I have the exact same instruction booklet and was as confused at reading the instructions myself as the actress was in the scene. This time I had to make sure that the acctress was starting out with the baby on her back in the right position each time and had to show another actress how to help her wrap the baby while making sure that it looked like it did before…(or actually just after in the show) After another hour or so, that scene was finally done and I was able to leave and get back to Simon and Wilhelmina who were waiting for me back at Jody’s house…

The opportunity was so much fun and I am looking forward to be called again if needed 🙂

It also felt great getting paid a reasonable price for just a few hours of work!

Oh… the material we were using was an African Khanga, or actually 2 Khanga’s sewn together. The original position that was wanted was an african carry which was not going to work out as it was not complicated enough for the scene and could not work with the tiny babies. The carry that I ended up showing was an improvised kangaroo back cross carry…

Nursing in Public

I Remember the first time I went out shopping with my new little baby and nursed in public. Xavier was about 2 weeks old and we had headed to the mall and to Toys R Us for something or other. As we shopped, Xavier grew hungry, started fussing, and then went into a full blown cry. I thought everyone was looking at us and I knew that I had to nurse him but I was so nervous.

I had nursed in front of friends and family but this was different. We headed to the exit promptly and as Simon waited in line to pay, I sat down on a bench, unbuttoned the bottom part of my blouse and with a blanket drawn over my shoulder I tried to latch my tiny son who was wailing because he was hungry and hot and had a mom that was not responding to his needs fast enough.

I finally got him latched, but he was still fussing as he was fighting the blanket that was draped over us both. Just then a woman sat down next to me. I don’t remember what she looked like, how old she was, or any small detail about her, but I do remember what she said.

She praised me for nursing, she told me that normal T-shirts were easiest for nursing since there were no buttons to fidget with and that I didn’t need the blanket because the baby hid enough…and then she left.

The conversation most likely didn’t last more than a minute or two but what she said changed my view of nursing in public from there on in…

I took the blanket off my shoulder and freed my sweaty and hot newborn baby and never looked back. I would ever nurse under cover again.

(Xavier at about 2 weeks old)

Over the years there have been so many times that nursing in public has been in the news and the same themes came back every time.

There are those that say go ahead and do it but be “discreet”, use a blanket, go to your car, plan outings around the baby’s usual times to eat. That nursing is a private act between mother and child

I hate that word… Discreet….what is discreet anyway? To whom do we owe the honor of choosing what discreet is? There are so many levels of what amount of skin is allowed to be seen and there is such a double standard between being sexy and being nurturing. Go to the car? What about when it is hot outside? or cold? what if you don’t have a car? Only go out around baby’s schedule? Hunger does not have a schedule.

And yes, nursing can be a special moment between mom and baby, you can gaze into each others eyes and cuddle, but breastfeeding is not only about that… most of the time, breastfeeding is just about getting needs met.

There are those that use the “fear card” and turn the tables and try to sound “concerned” by saying that there are perverts out there that are just waiting to watch women that breastfeed…

So what? I shouldn’t wear sandals because someone might have a foot fetish? I shouldn’t eat a banana because somebody might have a perverse thought? Come on! We are not responsible for the way other people may think.

There are those that say that women that breastfeed are just “whipping out their breasts” and enjoy exposing themselves and that nursing in public is not about feeding a baby it is about just making a point.

Yeah, so the fussy, hungry baby that is attached to my breast has nothing to do with it.. and you ever tried to nurse a baby that didn’t want to nurse? Not happening! Maybe all those moms out there are all pinching their kids just to make them cry so that they will nurse… (enter eye roll here)

There are those that say that it shouldn’t be done in front of kids…

ummm… I want my kids to see how normal nursing is…

tandem nursing Colin and Khéna

There are those that say that breastfeeding is equated to sexual acts in public or peeing in public and “EWWWW” I don’t want to see your tits while I am eating!”

So if breastfeeding is sexual, then isn’t bottle feeding equal to using a dildo in public?

And then of course there is always that one person that comes in saying that they once saw a woman taking of her whole shirt and bra to breastfeed…. because you must have shock value!

Really? I mean Really? Come on!!

(click to see this larger and scroll over the different parts to get translation)

Last week, after reading yet another article with the same comments, I realized that I have come so far away from that new mom struggling with buttons and a blanket and wondering what others were thinking as I was trying to meet my child’s most basic need.

As I read the same comments that have been making me angry for years, I looked down at my fourth child nursing on my lap and realized that she had unlatched and there I was with one of my breasts was fully exposed. Of course I was at home in my living room, but I hadn’t even noticed… nursing is now so much just part of my daily life that I am now one of “those” moms that you may catch a glimpse of when I am about to nurse my child. I am that mom that “whips it out” and am proud of it.

It is not because I am trying to expose my self, It is not because I am trying to make a point it is just because it is such a part of my daily routine that I am really not even conscious of it while I am doing it.

After nearly nine years of nonstop breastfeeding, nursing has become as natural and as second nature as breathing to me. I have went from being nervous and wondering if people were watching and wearing uncomfortable and ugly nursing tops (you know, the ones that have a piece of cloth overhanging that if you are a bit more endowed in the boob area they would play peek-a-boo when you lift your arms up) to nursing wherever and whenever, without second thought and just wearing tops that have a bit of stretch in the neck area so that I can nurse quickly an easily over my shirt while wearing my baby and not skip a beat.

Seriously, if you know me you would know that I am actually quite a prude when it comes to exposing parts of my body, yet breastfeeding has made its own niche in my brain. It is not sexual, it is not private, it is not about making a point, it is about nurturing, comforting and feeding my child.

Besides for nourishment and comfort, there is nothing premeditative in feeding and nurturing my child…

I just do it…

The "My Carry Potty"…

When I bought the Vital ID bracelets that I mentioned on the last post I saw this cool little potty on the website and had to get it.

One of the big components of EC is having a routine, which means that we potty Wilhelmina before and after getting her in/out of her car seat when we are out. Pottying on the go can sometimes get messy especially when you are somewhere that you can’t umm… dispose of the contents…

A cheap tupperware container with a soaker at the bottom has been what we have been using the most but now that Wilhelmina is bigger and is getting picky about her elimination location, it just hasn’t been working out as well so we have been needing to bring the potty… It is not always the ideal situation!

I know of a lot of people that use the “potette” system, but I kept on holding off as you need think of and buy bags and then dispose of them which doesn’t make sense to me when I want to put less in the landfills and honestly with 4 kids, I don’t want to have to think of yet another thing when leaving the house.

So when I saw the “My Carry Potty” I had to get it!

The idea is brilliant…

A portable potty that closes and seals and can be easily carried around…

From the outside it looks like a little suitcase with a handle and Wilhelmina loves carrying it around…

One the inside, it is a potty on one side and the seal the other…

The size is perfect and I can definitely see that it will be utilized by older siblings at times also…

The greatest part of course, is that if you can’t dispose of the contents right away, you can just close it up and do it when you can…

Nothing is getting through the seal and there is just enough resistance when opening it so that no “accidents” can happen with kids accidentally opening it.

You don’t really need much for EC, but there are somethings that make just a little easier…

Steps toward independence…

I love the idea of Free Range kids but I can clearly see that my kids do not have as much independence as I did at the same ages.

I am not a hovering helicopter parent, but my kids are usually not very far away from us…

The boys play outside around the house when they want, and Xavier often goes around the block on his bike and has started to go to the park by himself.

Colin is not going anywhere on his own yet but I am pretty sure that he will be by the end of the summer.

The first time that Xavier went to the park by himself, I have to admit that I was beyond nervous so I reflected on what made it so hard for me and I realized that it wasn’t that I was scared of strangers or anything like that, but I was scared that he might take a wrong turn and get lost or he might get hurt and not be able to get home. I was scared that something might happen and he might not be able to give his information. So I found a solution… Vital ID bracelets... (I bought mine here)

I had seen these online and had thought that it was a great idea for when we are in crowded places in case someone gets lost. The bracelets are simple, come in cool colours and have a small waterproof ID card slipped inside that you write their information with a permanent marker. You can write as little or as much information as you want including allergies etc.. I decided to put their names, medicare # and our contact numbers.

It is small thing, but since we bought them. they have really helped me let go of my fears and give the kids a bit more of the independence I believe they deserve and lets us to move onto other steps that are necessary on their climb to independence.