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filling in the gaps…

Since reading Annie’s blog posts… and hearing more about NVC within other sources… I have been interested to learn more.

In some ways I find it strange that I haven’t looked into it before because it reflects so much of what I already believe in, but reading Annie’s posts I realized that though I agreed with her there were some things that I couldn’t explain why…

Looking around I found a DVD version of the “basics of nonviolent communication”… so I watched it last week… it was exactly what was missing… it was able to not only fill in the gaps but open up a whole new world … and since watching it I have been so much more conscious of my own mistakes when speaking to my family and friends and I have been making a conscious effort to change the way I communicate.

What I find hard is not only changing the way that speak, but the way I am heard.  Though, I am not a viloent person, or didn’t use violent words I now see that  like most I used words to manipulate, not as much consciously but just being part of the way I learned to interact with others… the way most people speak…

What is amazing about nonviolent communication is that it is not only fulfilling… but it is also the fact that it is so liberating. Though I am only at the beginning of my journey I see that it will be pretty life-changing in the very small details.

Here is a part of a great summary of the goal of nonviolent communication on the NVC site…

“The process of NVC encourages us to focus on what we and others are observing separate from our interpretations and judgments, to connect our thoughts and feelings to underlying human needs/values (e.g. protection, support, love), and to be clear about what we would like towards meeting those needs. These skills give the ability to translate from a language of criticism, blame, and demand into a language of human needs — a language of life that consciously connects us to the universal qualities “alive in us” that sustain and enrich our well being, and focuses our attention on what actions we could take to manifest these qualities.”

Just after learning a bit… I was able to see the errors I was making and with slight changes of language I was able to put my parenting views in practice in a way that in the past was harder to do. I wish I would have looked into it before…

It is such a great tool and I can’t wait to learn more…

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Car seats are for cars…

A news story that I have been hearing on the radio all morning…

Dangers of infants sleeping upright in carseats

The death of an infant in West Island Pointe Claire almost a year ago is prompting a Quebec coroner to warn against the risks of putting little babies to sleep in car seats.

A two month old boy in Pointe Claire died last February 23 after his mother put him to sleep in a carseat placed in his bassinette, hoping that would calm the crying colicky infant.  An autopsy revealed that the baby died of asphyxiation. Quebec coroner Dr. Jacques Robinson says putting an infant in such an upright position to sleep is dangerous, since the baby’s head tends to fall forward.

“The upper airways are obstructed.”

Robinson says about 17 such deaths have happened over the past ten years and they could have been prevented.

“It’s not frequent, but when it happens, it’s very dramatic.”

He warns that car seats should be used only in the car since they help prevent deaths in accidents.

“We recommend to go with this but not for sleeping or using the carseat as a bed.”

And Robinson advises parents should take care to check on their babies in the car seat if they’re sleeping, to make frequent stops on long trips and to take them out at  rest stops.
Read here…

The carseat along with so many other devices (the swing, bouncy chair, bumbo seat) are so overused… parents use the carseats in the car then clip the carseat from the car into the stroller, then back in the car…. many times I have seen babies being bottle fed with the bottle propped up so the baby is not even taken out to be fed….

It is not in the printed version of the article but the coroner says something like this… “use the car seat in the car and then pick them up” and that babies should be not be in carseats for more than 1 hour…

Great advice!

_________

update… here is a new article that just came up on the CBC with more details…

Parents should not leave young infants sleeping in car seats for long periods of time, said a Quebec coroner who looked into the death of a two-month-old boy who suffocated when his mom placed him in a car seat after a restless night.

The recommendation comes two years after Montreal researchers warned very young babies are vulnerable to sudden infant death syndrome if they spend too much time in a seated position.

“The car seat is for the car. It is not for the bed or sleeping. It is for a car,” said coroner Dr. Jacques Robinson on Wednesday.

‘The head of the baby is heavier than the body. The neck muscle is not straight enough to let the neck rise. So, it falls.’—Dr. Jacques Robinson, Quebec coronerThe case that prompted the coroner’s recommendation happened in February 2008 in Pointe-Claire on Montreal’s west island.

A mother woke at 3 a.m. to feed her baby who was crying. She put the baby back to sleep in his crib. At 6 a.m., the baby started crying again.

The mother used a trick she had used before: she placed the baby in his car seat and then put the car seat in the crib.

An hour later, the mother checked in on the baby and found that he wasn’t breathing. His eyes were glassy and his skin had a white, waxy appearance.

The mother called 911, and the parents started CPR on the baby. The baby was pronounced dead in hospital.

Robinson determined the baby died of asphyxiation due to an obstruction of his upper airway and blamed the baby’s cramped posture in the seat for reducing his ability to breathe.

“The head of the baby is heavier than the body. The neck muscle is not straight enough to let the neck rise so it falls,” said Robinson.

In his report, Robinson notes there are risks to leaving a child sleeping in any seated position. He encourages parents to put their children to sleep horizontally at all times, preferably in a crib.

He also advises parents to move their babies frequently when they are in a car seat in a vehicle. He recommends parents take their children out of the seat every hour while on a long trip.

read here…

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another reason against time-outs and power struggles..

I came across this article while looking for articles against time-outs that would appeal to a more mainstream audience… and I was quite happy to find it…

Though it was mostly repeating things that I have already know (time-outs are detrimental to attachment, do not work the way parents think they work, do not solve the problem but only focus on behaviour etc… )  something that was said really hit home with me…

“Sending a child away when they’re distressed is essentially saying to them, “I can’t handle you when you show this side of yourself. Come back when you can be the manageable Susie or Johnny that I can handle.” Not only are we telling the child that we only find the good, compliant version of themselves acceptable, we’re also declaring our inability to cope with all of who they are…..When a parent sends a child away because they can’t handle their misbehavior, they’re effectively telling them that they (the child) have the power to render them (the parent) incompetent and helpless.”

This is something that I really hadn’t thought about before… and it makes so much sense.

As parents we need to be guides to our children, we are their leaders and their teachers. If our children are taught that they can render us “incompetent and helpless” by behaving in ways that we do not like, we are entering into a power struggle that we are sure to lose. How can we teach children to deal with stressful situations if we cannot deal with them ourselves.

I have to admit that this is something that I have and will most likely again struggle with also (not time-outs per say, but power struggles and dealing with stress in impulsive ways) and I know that it is something that I can and will work on… and in the last months things have been getting easier…

Food for thought isn’t it?

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great article on food colourings…

The other day I was looking around for some articles and found this one… I think that it is a great one that explains well what the additives are and what they do…  and then he goes on to talk about alternatives… The only think that is not mentioned are that artificial flavours including Vanillin (fake vanilla) come from the same sources and have the same effects…

Here is part of it… and you can read the rest on the author’s site…

Replace Artificial Food Colors with Natural food Colors
by Pete Maletto

Jan 25, 2007 – It was not long ago when I was conducting my daily ritual of research on the internet and stumbled upon consumers growing concerns about artificial food colors. While it didn’t surprise me because I have the same concerns, I noticed that many consumers are complaining about side effects with artificial colors. Most consumers are concerned about yellow dye consumption and its side effects such as headaches, vomiting, hives, asthma and a possible cause of ADD and ADHD.

While I found that yellow dye has quite a laundry list of possible side effects, I also found that red dye has its share as well. One that really amuses me is that this artificial food color can actually dye our own internal systems red color (they do this with salmon to make the pink color).

While side effects are not as documented as it should be, there also seems to be some people that have allergic reactions to most artificial colors. Just ask any doctor that performs colonoscopies and you’ll hear him tell you about artificial blue color and red color showing up and coloring the colon for days. This has lead many consumers to believe that artificial colors are bad for you and that they are another cancer causing agent found in foods today. Now the media is piling on and consumers are starting to avoid artificial food colors.

And as an experienced food technologist, I tend to agree…..

The FDA manages the Adverse Reaction Monitoring System (ARMS) as an added safety check on color additives to food, with a computerized database to track potential public health hazards. FDA’s Advisory Committee on hypersensitivity to food constituents concluded in 1986 that FD&C Yellow No. 5 may cause hives in fewer than one out of 10,000 people, but found no evidence that it provokes asthma attacks as some reports had indicated. You would think a system as sophisticated as this would catch the problems but they decided to permit the usage of Yellow No. 5 to continue, with product labeling allowing those with hypersensitivity to avoid it.

Yellow dye is basically a hidden term for tartrazine, a coal tar derivitive which has proven side effects on the central nervous system. For example, in a study published in 1978, 122 patients who had a variety of diagnosed allergic reactions were given 50 milligrams of tartrazine.

This dose elicited reactions such as palpitations, weakness, hives and itching in these susceptible individuals; 50 milligrams is a large dose, but could be consumed by someone drinking a few bottles of soda during the day. Or a serving of Mac and Cheese to your kids (get the hyperactive hint here?) which has close to 50 mg per box and at a childs body weight, that’s a lot of tartrazine. It is also important to note that there is a connection between people allergic to aspirin and allergic reactions to tartrazine.

Usage of Red No. 3 was voluntarily terminated in 1990 after animal testing indicated an association with thyroid tumors. Although it still remains on the list, the FDA is proposing to remove it. A panel from the National Institutes of Health determined in 1982 that coloring additives were not related to claims of hyperactivity (look at the kids today and it makes you think twice). Although approved by the FDA, some people may still have allergic reactions.

Currently, any blue or green food on the U.S. market gets its hues from certifiable colors FD&C Blue No. 1 (Brilliant Blue), Blue No. 2 (Indigotine), or Green No. 3 (Fast Green). Blue No. 1 and Green No. 3 are both petroleum-derived triphenylmethanes–that is, they have three aromatic rings attached to a central carbon atom. Blue No. 2 is a disodium sulfonate of a naturally occurring compound called indigo.

However, the indigo used to create Blue No. 2 is synthesized by fusing N-phenylglycine in a molten mix of sodamide and sodium and potassium hydroxides. And we are feeding these chemicals to our kids!

Lets face it, there is no way you could tell me that something that can stain the cells of our body and come from chemicals such as coal tar/tartrazine, triphenylmethane, and other chemicals would not cause some type of mutagenic effect in the body over a period of time.

None the less, it’s seems obvious to me that consuming artificial colors can definitely cause side effects with some people (some side effects that they may not even notice) and they are quite possibly “cancer causing chemicals” that we do not need in our food supply, especially when healthy alternatives exist.

Read more about the alternatives….

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