Realizations…

The last few days I have been having bouts of realizations.

Not too too long ago in my memories, motherhood was so far away.

I didn’t have any children around me, no one that I really knew had kids. Still, most of my friends from pre-mamahood are still childless. Motherhood was often a very foreign idea to me, yet I knew that I wanted it. I knew that I would love it, I knew that it would change my life, I knew that I would stay-at-home with them, I knew that I would raise them the way that I believe children are meant to be raised.

Today, as I sat at my kitchen table, I looked at Simon, my husband, the love of my life, holding my third son. My other two boys were sitting at the table laughing. I realized that I am a mom. Of course I know that I am a mom… but it is that realiation that I get at timeswhen the idea sinks in just a tiny bit more…

Not only am I now a mom… I am a mom of three.

Three wonderful, beautiful, loving, melt-your-heart boys.

For a few seconds I had flashes of the future.

Going on outings, reading together learning through life together.

I will always be their mom.

In their eyes, The food I make will be the best food, my arms will always be open and they will see me as being beautiful.

I truly love Motherhood.

A journey…

My mom keeps on asking when I am going to start homeschooling, she doesn’t get that the boys are already learning and that we won’t be doing much different, that I won’t be setting a curriculum, doing school at home, teaching the boys the same things that their peers are learning at the exact same time, in the same manner but in a different location.

I, of course, was brought up in one public school after the next. I went through 9 schools by the time I hit CEGEP, then 3 after that… One of the schools that I went to was a Waldorf school… at the time it was just starting out and was still a tiny school with not many students and I wasn’t there for long but it was the school that taught me the most about learning. In the short time I was there I learned to love learning and then school started to be tortuous.

When I got to the next school I was behind by their standards and needed a tutor for math as it was not yet part of the Waldorf curriculum for my age group. The problem though was not that I was behind because I didn’t undertand it, but it was because I had different ways of getting to the answer. Sure I didn’t know my “times tables” by heart like all of the other students, but I am not good at memorizing… I did know however how to figure it out and I got the right answer but just not the same way that others did….

Of course it wasn’t good enough and because I didn’t have the same way of figuring out the problem I often failed and over the years of having the same “problem” I lost interest and patience.

I vowed that I would never put my children in that position when I was to have children.

So, I have always known that I was going to homeschool my kids. On the first date that I had with Simon we went to the old port in Montreal and literally talked the day away. I remember telling him on that day of wanting to be a mom, stay at home, and homeschool…  I remember him asking questions about it… the answers that I gave him were all in the line of unschooling, yet I did not have a label for that yet.

After Xavier was born I dove into the world of the internet and alternative parenting and realized that my visions of homeschooling, learning through life, with no set curriculum, no grades, no deadlines, learning what interests you in the way that you understand it, learning life skills though life etc… were not just weird thoughts that I was having…  it was not just part of my black sheepism, but what many other families were doing and it was all part of a whole movement of people learning at home. Unschoolers.

Though I know my goals for guiding my children through learning I have felt the need to go through an unschooling process myself. Society has brainwashed me and others to believe that learning is something that is done only through teaching, whether it is a teacher in a school or a mom at home. However, learning through life is different. It is the child that learns and guides themselves with help from others when they need and want it. I have felt the need to remind myself that there is no fix age to learn how to read, how to write… when they are ready they will make it clear and will not only catch on quicker but will catch up to where they need to be.

It is still hard at times to get out of the mindset of learning at home is not just school at home as it is for many. It is more. It is learning through living life.

oh well….

Thursday and Friday I convinced Simon to stay home and help… Since I was having Contractions and Xavier was sick I wanted to have his help around the house so that I could relax… It really helped us all having him home for those 4 days (2 days + the weekend)

Because I have been tired and sore I have also been cranky and a bit impatient with the kids in the last few weeks…of course that has reflected on them also… but having Simon home we were two to give attention and when I needed to relax I could go do so… over the four days we saw Xavier mellow out…

Housework was put a bit to the side and Simon spent some good time with the boys… Last week we got our “new to us” couch and chair and we put the old couch down in the playroom… we have a TV down there that wasn’t doing anything since the VCR is broken and we don’t get any channels… and Simon’s Sister and mom had brought their old super Nintendo a while back… so we hooked it up along with our Nintendo 64 so Simon played games and the kids watched and played around him….
Having the couch in the playroom makes it a lot easier for us to go down there now… I had got rid of the rocking chair  that was there in the decluttering phase so for a while there was no place to sit and I just can’t handle the floor for now…

Another thing happened over the weekend also… Simon and I sat down with the boys to draw and together we convinced Xavier to try… Xavier has never wanted to draw or colour, he rather play with the crayons and scribble… a few times I convinced him but it is a battle that I don’t want because I don’t want him to be completely put off by it. His personality makes it so that he gets discouraged easily and if he beleives that he can’t right then do it he won’t try… I think that this was a big factor in him speaking late, not liking to sing and many other things that he just refuses to do until he knows that he can… So when we sat down to draw he just started to scribble… he tried to draw something and then got frustrated… Finally Simon and I convinced him to try… we gave him an idea of a car and he started to draw… he drew a bog blob and then started to draw the wheels… 1 wheel, then 2 and then a 3rd… after that he decided to draw another orb around the 3 wheels and magically it all became a bulldozer… Simon and I encouraged him and gave him more ideas and next came a cabin and driver and then an antenna and chimney with smoke…

When he was done he didn’t want to touch it anymore, scared to mess it up… we put his name and date on it and hung it up on the clothesline that we have in the kitchen that displays past drawings, crafts and pictures for all to see… He was so proud and so were we…

The next day he was sitting at the table, either eating a meal or a snack and told me that us that he really liked his bulldozer… we again took the opportunity to tell him that we did too and that we knew he could draw and he did so so well… it showed in his eyes that he was really proud…
Anyway…. It was great to have Simon home for those four days… weekends are just not enough especially since housework takes over most weekends… We were both hoping that things happened over weekend in terms of the baby coming out so that he didn’t have to return to work… but things didn’t work out that way and he went back to work this morning… I was completely OK with it though (not like I had a choice mind you) but really it all helped me relax and I have a feeling that it will be a bit easier with the boys the next few days and I am looking forward to the baby coming and having Simon home for a few months…

However, I am still a bit worried that things will start happening while he is at work… since it takes him a while to come home if I call him before 3 because they are no express buses before that and the other bus takes longer… so depending when I call him it make take a few hours for him to get home…

We are not ROBOTS!!!!

I am getting so tired of hearing about inductions for no reason other than impatience!!!!

If you look up term pregnancy anywhere you will read that pregnancy comes to term between 37 and 42 weeks. That means that as many babies will come naturally at 37 weeks as they will come at 42 weeks. The median of course is that “due date”, that date that everyone has their eye on. But just like 37 weeks is not pre-term if a baby comes on their own,  42 weeks is not overdue. It is NORMAL and HEALTHY. Most 1st time moms will go into labour at around 41.5 weeks as the norm. They are not “overdue”, they are not “at risk”, they do NOT need to be induced. The babies are not more at risk either, women may be tired and impatient at the end of a pregnancy,but, that’s life. There is NO need to induce!

Docs however, have also seemed to have forgotten what they learned, or maybe they never learned about natural birth. They seem to see women and babies as Robots, needing to be all the same size, gain the same amount of weight and the same gestational period. The minute that 37 week hits they start getting impatient too and for NO good reason.

Most of the women that called me for breastfeeding support all had the same story: Their doctor (the same doctor) proposed induction at 38 weeks just because they were “term” at that point and I would have to say that 3/4ths of them ended up to be C/S’s and the others had other complications. Not many women that I have talked to have had a complication free delivery and I think I have only talked to 1-2 moms that had a natural birth and went into labour on their own and I have never heard of someone having a pregnancy over 40 weeks at this hospital…

This is really sad and upsetting for me…

Right now I am nearing the end of my pregnancy… actually tomorrow I will be considered to be at officially term as I will be 38 weeks. I am also officially tired of being pregnant, I am sore, I have trouble sleeping, my pelvis feels like it is falling apart and I can’t turn in bed without having tons of pain. If I was a mainstream mom that actually trusted OB’s and wasn’t informed about the risks (or just blindly thought that doctor wouldn’t do anything that had significant risks for no reason) then I would maybe be wanting to be induced… knowing what I know however, what the risks are and trusting my body and what is normal and natural instead of an impatient “care” provider I would never be induced, especially for non-medical reasons such as impatience…

So what are the Risks?

First, induction will not work if your body is not ready to go into labour yet. That means that more meds need to be used and it can lead to failed inductions and stress on the body and baby. When the meds do work they often produce unnaturally strong contractions. Pretty much every woman you will talk to that has been induced has not been able to give birth naturally because the contractions are so strong. Why? Because these strong contractions can lower the baby’s heart rate and cause fetal distress because of the lack of oxygen that occurs with the strong contractions. It can also lead to uterine rupture which puts both the mom and the baby’s life at risk. It almost always leads to an epidural and other drugs to help deal with those unnaturally strong contractions and when a woman is drugged, the meds also go to the baby, which again can lead to fetal distress. Moreover, when the epidural is given it can stall labour so even more meds are needed.

At that point however, the labour will be labelled as “failure to progress” and a C/S is the most likely outcome. Many women are even told that it is an emergency because the child’s life is at risk and indeed many times it may be. But it is an emergency that has been caused by the initial intervention.

Inducing also automatically means that women most likely cannot walk around in labour, are mostly confined to the bed, given an IV and catheter and are not “allowed” to eat or drink.. The position that women are forced to take in the hospital is the worst position to give birth in, not allowing for gravity to help and making the pelvis smaller than in other positions. The baby is less able to go into the right position and descend into the birth canal. Women are often made to push before the body is ready and the baby is in the optimal position just because they are at a magical number of 10cm which can mean very little and can spend hours pushing the baby out because of this. This can also lead to fetal distress, can lead to fatigue (especially if the woman has been starved for hours) and often leads to more interventions such as the use of the vacuum or Forceps and or lead to a C/S. There will be many reasons given for these interventions (pelvis too small, baby too big etc… ) mostly it is just the simple result of being in an unnatural birthing position just because it gives the best view to the doctor.

Because, of course, the doctors view and comfort is more important than the health and wellbeing of the woman giving birth and the baby coming out. (/sarcasm)

Another risk to induction (breaking the waters or giving meds) is cord prolapse.  If the baby is not in the optimal position and labour is induced, or the waters are broken even in a natural birth, just to make things “go faster”, or really for no reason other than the doctor or midwife wanting to intervene, the cord may come out before the babies head especially since the mom is most likely laying down with gravity working against her.  Cord prolapse is dangerous and makes for an automatic C/S and is often directly caused by the procedure. It is highly unlikely to happen naturally. When the waters break before labour starts it is often due from pressure that head puts on the membranes and the head with gravity works as a plug not letting the cord go by. Most often however, the membrane will rupture near the end of labour when the head is engaged and the mom is in active labour making cord prolapse virtually impossible.

Induction, especially artificially breaking the water also rises the risk of infection which can lead to problems with mom and baby later on also. However having the waters broken is not the problem in this case it is the whole intervention of “checking” to cervix that is the most likely cause of infection. The rule of thumb with broken waters is to keep hands away.

Induction, not just inducing labour, but other interventions that often go hand in hand with inducing labour put so many lives at risk and too often lead to C-Sections and further health problems. C/S, epidural use and other interventions make the breastfeeding rate decline which puts children and their moms at even higher risk for other medical problems later on in life, and often nulls the chance of a natural birth and puts the mom and future babies at risk also. It also has a very real effect on the natural microbiological gut flora.

There are so many other things that can go wrong because of the interventions that have taken the place of natural childbirth. Many women really don’t know or understand the risks of all of the interventions and instead just put all of their trust in others instead of themselves, and if something goes wrong then it is others that are to blame or it isn’t even know that it is a risk and then the doc is the hero at the end of it without realizing that the doc was also the cause.

Inductions are rising, C/S are rising and labour and birth are just becoming riskier and riskier because of it. The fear of childbirth is rising and the lack of trust in the body and in what is natural is being replaced by it. Doctors are the biggest problem in this and that women have been taught to put all of their trust in them is one of the saddest parts of birth today.

I am going to quit… I think…

A few months ago a got a call from a mom that found my # on my distributor’s website and asked if I could go show her some wraps and slings… I went over and stayed for at least 2 hours… we talked about a lot and one of those things happened to be how to introduce solids… Her dd was just about 6 mos old and the ped (the yucky ped that I hate) told her to start but her dd wasn’t too interested… So, I told her about child led introduction to solids, bypassing cereals and baby foods and going straight to table foods… we also talked about many other things and she found out that I was a peer-to-peer counsellor…

A few weeks after that she called me and asked me a few more questions about solids again… I told her a bit more and then that was that, I never spoke to her again…

So, about two weeks ago I got a call from the centre where I volunteer… It seems that they received a complaint about advice on solids that I gave a mom and they wanted to talk to me about differences that I may have with the center and how we could work to give all of the same advice etc…

Anyways… I thought about things and realized that the type of suggestion that they were talking about I only gave to that one mom… and it was done on my personal time…

When I brought that up, I was told that it was the “wrong” thing to do… even though I was there on my own time, was not there at all as a Peer to Peer etc… I still need to give the same advice as the Canada Health etc.. and I should never contradict a doc (it seems that this is true even when the doc gives advice that goes against Canada health)…

Anyways.. this happened in a phone conversation and I was asked to go in for a more extensive meeting… however, I don’t want to… I don’t feel like confronting two people… I don’t feel I have the strength emotionally at the moment…

When I am on my own time, I feel that I have a right to say whatever I choose… I am allowed to share my opinions and points of views.. When I am called for counselling I know that I have to give advice that I do not always agree with, or at least point them into a different direction to get advice that I don’t want to give… I don’t mind wearing two hats at times… but I don’t think that my volunteer hat should be forced on me on my personal time… I don’t think that

About a day or two after I talked to the head of the volunteers the Centre coordinator called me and asked me when I would come in… I told her I would call her back… I never did… I don’t want to either…

I was going to take a break from volunteering when the new babe comes anyways… but now… I don’t want to go back after…

I love volunteering but I don’t to be dictated in my personal time. I don’t believe that I have to hold back from talking to a mom at the park or in her home when called over about baby wearing just because they might find out that I am also a volunteer…

I am not sure what I am going to do yet, but I have lost the want to volunteer there…

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