2011 – Page 5 – a hippie with a minivan

Bread Pudding

This one of those comfort foods that is just so easy to make and uses up the bread that is getting too dry to eat but you don’t want to waste it…

6 cups day old bread (cubed and slightly toasted)
2 tablespoons melted butter
1/2 cup raisins
4 eggs, beaten
2 cups milk (I use coconut, almond or soy)
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350 and slightly butter a casserole dish and place the bread and drizzle with the melted butter. Mix in the raisins if using.

In another bowl, combine eggs, milk, sugar, cinnamon, and vanilla. Beat until well mixed and then pour over the bread, and lightly push down with a fork until bread is covered and soaking up the egg mixture.

Bake in the preheated oven for 45 minutes, or until the top springs back when lightly tapped.

Occupations (guest post)

[Because I love to read Melissa’s posts so much, I was teasing her a little bit about the fact that she was posting recipes instead of writing, so she said: “Why don’t you write something?” I wasn’t opposed to the thing but I didn’t know what she wanted, and I’m not too good with guidelines and predetermined forms anyway. A few days later, I wrote this on my way back from work, and afterwards figured it could be appropriate. My thanks to her (although now her regular readers will see what a troubled & dreary man she has for a husband), for allowing me to share this inconsequential but heartfelt little piece.]

Occupy Montreal. If I was young and without responsibilities, and not a bread-winner for my Companion & our four children, I would be there right now, with these beautiful Fools [1] who are not only showing their anger & dissatisfaction with the state of our Civilisation, but living it out [2].

Inside a small area, they have erected their tents, thus creating a small community who seemingly has no less a goal than Change & Revolution.

Now, some would call me pessimistic and cynical, but although I am completely on their side I don’t believe that these movements will lead to a lasting and significant alteration of the “way things are done”. No, I don’t think the Occupy participants will see any real effects to their actions, except maybe in their own lives, which is no small feat in itself. I can’t help but think that if they persist and camp through the hardships of our Quebec winter, the people of Occupy Montreal will be forever changed, forever steadfast in their convictions & beliefs.

Recent readings [3] have confirmed for me that our only hope (for our species but also for our planet’s capacity to sustain life) is a major shift, so major that we ? as a global collectivity ? might not be willing (or even able) to embark upon it.

Either that, or an ecological catastrophe of such tragic proportions that not many of us might live through it, or survive for very long afterwards.

Yet… wrong and deluded though I might be… I find myself in the paradoxical position of longing for such a primal, apocalyptic event.

Yes, strangely enough my fondest wish for my children, whom I love more than I could believe possible, is for them to live to see the day when the whole blasted Human Empire crumbles, one way or the other, so that they then could breathe and think in an atmosphere (physical and intellectual) which is free from Poison.

Desolation, the last painting of Thomas Cole‘s cycle called The Course of Empire

[1] I say “fool” in the Fool on the Hill sense, in the archetypal Tarot sense.

[2] So a few days ago, during my lunch hour, I walked to the site of Occupy Montreal with my friend, and we talked of it, and I left there a Ziploc bag containing a short story I wrote a few years ago, as a token of my respect and admiration for them. It’s not much, but that’s all I could think of.

[3] Firstly, a lengthy article called Take What You Need And Compost The Rest, written by Margaret Killjoy, which I read in #2 of Alan Moore’s excellent but short-lived Dodgem Logic magazine. Secondly, a crucially relevant book which I highly recommend called A Short History of Progress (2004), by Ronald Wright, which has recently been adapted into a movie called Surviving Progress (which I have not seen).

Quote…

“Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.”

~ William Butler Yeats

Finding balance…

It is often a question that comes up in parenting, especially when you are co-sleeping, breastfeeding, baby wearing and especially homeschooling… How do you find Balance?

However, first things first. What is Balance?

A few years ago I hated the word. Going back to the origins of this blog, it was because of the term “balance” that I started. I was the host of an attachment parenting board on a very mainstream site and all over the board was the term “balance”. See, Dr.Sears was/is a big part of beginning “APers”, especially a decade ago when the components (babywearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, birth bonding etc) were not talked about and were not mainstream and resources were still quite limited. So being AP was often referred to as a “checklist” and was often about following the the 7 B’s. (OK… another reason I left is that I grew past the term AP) Of course one the Sears’ 7 B’s was balance. So, on the board and in other places, when the topic of co-sleeping came up as not working then in the name of balance, CIO was all of the sudden acceptable. When breastfeeding was tiring and a baby was nursing too often, then in the name of balance you have to wean or give a bottle. So, each time I saw the term balance it in relation to parenting it meant meeting a parents needs at the expense of the child’s needs. It was used as a what I saw as an escape hatch when things were not going as expected. Instead of changing expectations, and doing things a bit differently, it was a way to justify choices… and of course who can argue when someone says that it is done on the spirit of obtaining balance?

But that is not Balance… that would be what I call teeter-tottering… one or the other, all or nothing.

So again, what is Balance?

Wiki has a good description… “In the metaphysical or conceptual sense, balance is used to mean a point between two opposite forces that is desirable over purely one state or the other…. balance being the point that minimizes the negatives of both.”

And how do I find balance? More often than not, achieving balance for me, is not just about finding “me time” and doing things for myself but it is about changing my perspective about the whole situation to begin with. It is about accepting that compromise really does need to be both ways and that basic needs are non-negotiable.

So why is changing perspective the way to achieve balance? Because it is a way to not feel stuck anymore. When I feel stuck, the only way that I see to be unstuck is to do the opposite of what I am doing. But it is usually not the right thing to do. So, by challenging my perspective on things I am able to see the alternatives that will minimize the negatives on both sides.

If I am feeling stuck that my newborn needs me 24/7, the expected answer might be that I need to get away from the situation by having “me time”. Black or white situation. One or the other. But for me that is not balance. If I step back and challenge my perspective I am able to open up to compromise. How can both my baby’s needs and my needs be met at the same time? When I find the answer, I feel relieved because I am not only no longer stuck but I feel balance.

Sometimes, there doesn’t even have to be an alternative solution and balance can be part achieved by solely changing perspective.

One example that comes to mind is baby sleep. In our society, babies are expected to sleep through the night, in their own space, by a certain age even though it is not biologically normal to do so. The expectation is there, and when that expectation is not met, then the parent feels stuck and feels that what they are doing is no longer correct (this often happens at the 8-9 month mark when all kids go through a rough sleep time). So, even though the parent might not have believed in it before, if they feel stuck because of their expectation, then the only alternative is to do the opposite. The thought being, I feel stuck in what I am doing so to achieve balance and feel unstuck, I need to do the opposite. But when I parent steps back and changes their perspective, changes their expectations, the unstuck feeling goes away and then it is no longer a black or white situation. The ‘problem’ might have other solutions or might not actually be a “problem” to begin with.

Another example can be “couple time”. Some people see that couple time is something that is done out side of the house, away from kids on a regular basis. If they don’t get to go out, then they feel stuck. They may even feel that not having that time will be detrimental to their couple. But, if you change perspective you may see that being a successful couple doesn’t need to depend on having alone time without kids. It doesn’t mean that it will never happen but it means that if it doesn’t it is not a big deal. There are many other ways to stay connected even if you have kids around. You can find balance by changing perspective.

This is the same thing that happens in other aspects of parenting…

Looking back at a few old posts…

this about achieving balance in the house without punishments and rewards by changing perceptions and expectations.

this one is about finding a balance between child-led living and authoritative parenting.

This is an old one (2005) and was in part a response to being attacked for being a SAHM in a ‘mommy war’ situation. I wouldn’t write it the same way and might very well rewrite is one day because the overall message is about finding balance and changing perspective to feel comfortable the role as mother. Defining a woman in our society…