2006 – Page 21 – a hippie with a minivan

bunk bed and blisters…

Well… my mom told me about a year ago that she wanted to buy a bunk bed for the boys when they were a bit older or when their beds didn’t work out anymore… Well, the time had come I reminded her and she said to go ahead and buy it using her card (well after she approuved of it)…

So yesterday I went to pick it up at Sears and of course it came in 3 quite small boxes…. ahh…. assembly…

We also went and bought the mattresses yesterday and they were to be delivered today so this morning I started the process…

Well… it was interesting… 6 hours on and off, an unexpected visit from a friend, a few mishaps, the boys running all over the place, Xavier building things with the wood, a scraped and bruised knee (mine), blisters from using the allen key and at some point I got hit in the head with a pair of pliers….

Well… of course, half way though I see something I did wrong and was able to correct that, it was a pretty big mistake but half an hour later I had corrected it…
Then a screw just didn’t want to go in right and was sticking out about a cm not budging either way, and the more I tried the more it didn’t budge and then the allen key snapped in half… I went to get another allen key from a past project and it still wouldn’t budge and then of course the screw got stripped…
I decided to leave it like that for the time being and kept on assembling… Both beds done, it was time to put the top bunk on the bottom one… I decided I wasn’t going to even attempt that one by myself (which is unlike me) and about 5 minutes later the men with the mattresses arrived and I asked them to do it and they did with a smile…

I then kept on going, putting the ladder together etc and then got to the rail… well… two other screws did the same and got stuck and stripped… though the allen key was spared…

And then once the whole bed was pretty much assembled I find another mistake. The hole for one of the vertical pieces that reinforces the top rail is about 3-4 inches off from where it is supposed to be… of course, my mom then calls and I tell her and she says that I probably put it together wrong…. Ughh!!! no I didn’t!!! it is a defect… the reason I am certain is that everything else fits perfectly… on the peice the defect is on there are also the holes that the ladder fits in and they were perfect… Anyways… after she asks a few more questions (maybe I had the wrong screws etc) she finally realizes that it is probably a defect and then tells me to bring it back and get another one… YEAH RIGHT!!! I didn’t spend all of that time assembling it for nothing!! what happens if the next one has the same problem…

Sears is sending someone to check it out in a week but I don’t know what more could be done that we can’t do by ourselves…

Here is one of the screws… and the misplaced hole (just below berts hair)…

And here is the bed all done… besides the few little things that didn’t work out… it is a pretty nice bed and the boys are really happy…

talking about the park…

Ok… I want opinions on this, it is complete ramblings though so please feel free to respond with the same 😉

So the last two days have been gorgeous, sunny and 22 C… (71 f)… Sure, it is not hot but it isn’t cool either… in the sun in was actually quite toasty…

So, I get the boys ready to go to the park… I was in a sleeveless shirt and shorts and picked out t-shirts and shorts for the boys… After lunchI put baseball caps on their heads, sunscreen on and a sippy cup/bottle of water for each and we headed for the park…

There were a few other moms with kids there and though the parents were in short sleeves and pants, the kids were dressed with sweatshirts, coats and hats… At one point I took Colin’s cap off cause it kept covering his eyes and he was all sweaty so I knew that he wasn’t cold and there was no reason he would have been anyways with the sun etc…

I feel so much out of the loop when it comes to this… I seem to really underdress my kids compared to others, I mean I do the coat and hat thing when it is cold of course… But even in the winter I just don’t like overdressing them because I think it more uncomfy to be hot and sweating then be dressed for the temp outside…
Like a few weeks ago when there was still snow/slush on the ground but fairly warm for the time of year (March) about 10 C (50 f), so I had the kids in waterproof springwear (with warm clothes under) and rain boots and got to the park and I was faced with kids in heavy snowsuits, mittens, hats, scarves and snow boots and couldn’t even play in the structures because they couldn’t move…

And then of course today I get the comment… “aren’t you cold?”…

ummm no it is 22 outside and the sun is really strong… aren’t you hot?
This isn’t a new thing either… It is something that I have noticed since Xavier was newborn… here is classical example..

Mid August, Xavier about 1 month old on the right, my cousin, two weeks older on the left…

So, Is it just me? Am I underdressing? Are others overdressing? Does anyone else notice this? Why does this bother me?

a walk in the park…

At points I realize how different my children’s childhoods will be different then my own…

On the Mothering boards recently there was a post that made me think about the liberties we had as children that many children may no longer experience. The original post was a mom that was outraged by a child playing alone at the park without any adult supervision. At one point the boy’s mom checks in with the boy and he comes back saying he has another 20 min… the boy was about 7 years old.

Some other parents were also outraged on the thread… however, some it was for the fact that the boy was left alone saying that the mom saying that she is irresponsible and “depending on other parents” to watch over her son, “what if something happened?” etc , others was for the fact that we are so much in a fear based society that we see it as “criminal” for a 7 year old to be playing in the park by himself.

I was lucky living in the mountains, able to run, walk and hide in the forest, leave for hours at a time checking in with mom for lunch and then for supper. Even when we lived in the city I was able to leave home and have adventures as long as I didn’t cross any major street, at 5 I was taking the city bus to school alone. With one place we lived, with a slight detour under the bridge that housed the highway that went through town, I could go to the park, the beach, the mall and basically cross the whole town by crossing only one small street… My mom had no problem that I did such.

I was a child in the early 80’s. At that time there was not less crime or less dangers then there are today… there was however, less fear.

When I was a child, it was normal for a 7 year old to go to the park by themselves. It was normal to ride your bike to your friends house even blocks away. It was normal to go to the store to pick up milk and other things for your mom, or go buy candies and treats even though it was a good walk to the store. Now however, it seems what is normal has changed. Parents seem to be scared to let their children explore since they have been fed horror stories and fear based news. The “what if’s” seem to overrule the trust in the child. I do understand that there are some kids that at 7 and not as mature as other, however, I really think that the problem is based in the fear that parents have.

Now it is the norm to have scheduled play dates and activities. Have a full schedule with a parent bringing them everywhere or staying at home and doing nothing but play video games or ride their bikes in the driveway. Children are taught to fear the world and are not taught to take care of them selves. They are not given the independence they need and crave in order to grow. It seems so contradictory especially since most of these parents believe that children must be forced into independence as babies.

I really think that if you teach a child that they are always safe at home and give them strong and trusting foundation, that in turn you teach a child how to take care of themselves and they know when to come back home in a situation that may not feel right. I think that we must talk to them about our fears (not in a way to scare them but to make them aware and make sure that they will know what to do in situations), show them that we trust them to make the right decisions because they will then want to keep that trust and will do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. I refuse to teach my children to not talk to strangers (how will they learn to make friends?) however I will teach them limits.

I refuse to shelter my children from the world and I will not hide things from them. However, I will not teach then with fear and instead show them how to deal with situations that may arise.

Though my children’s childhoods will be different from my own, I do not want it to be as different as others are making it. I think the major difference will be in the way that others perceive the independence instead of the independence itself.

I’m Sad….

After supper, Xavier and Simon found Nelson (our older cat) on the stairs outside with something wrong with his leg.

I choose Nelson when he was about a week old. He still had his eyes mostly closed and wasn’t yet able to walk. We brought him home about 3 months later when he had been weaned from his mom. I was 13.

He became very attached to me and me to him, he slept with me every night and was always not too far. He was also Roger’s favorite also and we used to “fight” over who was his “parent”…

Over the years he was just part of the family, my little sidekick, my “gros nanou”…

In his first year we almost lost him a few times due to recurrent bladder stones and he went through surgery three times. We weren’t able to find a food that agreed with him and finally after the third time we finally found the right food and kept him on that….
When I moved in with Simon, he came with me. he became our cat… Xavier was born, then Colin… Nelson saw it all… he wasn’t close to the kids but would come running if they would cry… He would be around my feet looking at me like he was saying “What’s wrong” and would nuzzle a bit…

Simon brought him up the stairs and put him on the ground to see what exactly was wrong, I was thinking a broken or sprained limb at first but he tried to walk and both of his legs dragged behind him. He was paralysed.

I called the Vet and went straight away, knowing very well deep inside that he wouldn’t be coming back. We knew well enough that we let Xavier and Colin say bye and we told them straight away that there where good chances that he wouldn’t be coming back.

I got to the vet and waited for quite an bit being that they were full but had told me to come when I had called. When I went in she checked to see the extent and though we thought that it may have been that he had not landed well during a fall she explained that it was more likely an embulism. Pretty much he had a stroke of the spinal cord. She explained that we could try anticoagulants and wait 24-48 hours but with his pre-existing cardiac problems, his age and the fact that there was no pulse at all in his hind legs and they were as cold as ice, that it would probably not be fair to him. I had to agree with her. I don’t think it is ever in my right to choose the time of death of another being, but I also didn’t want him to suffer and I knew that it was the right thing to do… as hard as it was…

I stayed with him and brought him home after. My mom will be burying him up at my uncles place this weekend along side our dog and another of our dear cats.

Nelson was 15 years old, was still in great shape,was still as loving and cuddly and as handsome as he has always been, he slept with us each night nest to our heads and would groom me often. Today, he stayed next to me all day and even let Colin cuddle and pet him…

Xavier is sad and wants Nelson to come back but understands that he is dead.It seems that he told Simon that Nelson is with his Pops. Though I don’t beleive in such, I still can understand the comfort it brings…

I will miss him…

Now this would be amazing….

Though we found out about this a week ago at least I haven’t said anything about it because I REALLY want it to work out and would be a bit dissapointed if it doesn’t…

Anyways.. here in Quebec we have gotten a new Maternity leave program. You may or may not know this but Canada has a year of paid Maternity for moms with some of that availible to dads.

However, Quebec has brought it even further starting in January this year…
First change, The Salary cap has risen from the 37000/year that Canada has, to 52000/year for quebec moms and dads. Also, the leave has been made into two programs availible for both employed and self-employed parents as long as they are making at least 2000$ a year.
Second change is that the Leave has been seperated into 3 parts… Maternal Leave, Paternal leave and Parental leave. The Maternal is the mom’s and cannot be shared with the dad, the paternal leave is the opposite and cannot be shared with the mom, the parental can be taken or shared by either.
Another change is that there are two programs availible when a baby is born. (there are also options for adoption)
Option A (longer leave with less money):

Maternal:18 weeks at 70% of Salary,
Paternal: 5 weeks at 70%,
Parental: 7 weeks at 70% and then 25 weeks at 55%

Option B

Maternal: 15 weeks at 75%
Paternal: 3 weeks at 75%
Parental: 25 weeks at 75%

Because we are a one Salary household and I am a SAHM we need the more money option and because I will not be using any of it, Simon will be able to take it all to himself if he chooses. (which of course he would love!)

The 25% less salary will make a difference but not by much when you take away the transportation costs (his bus pass is 200$ a month) and the bit more money that will be entering the house with the birth of another child…

So if all goes well, Simon will be able to take a 28 week leave!!!! (paternal + parental)

I can’t believe it! I can’t even imagine us being a full time family for almost 7 months! Being able to do things as a family. Being able to get things done around the house and spend time with the kids. Simon being able to see and experience the new baby to the fullest…

Keep your fingers crossed for us…