This post is just a bit of a continuation of a post I wrote in Jan 06…. you can read it Here.

Though most of that post still applies to what I believe, my views have evolved over the last year and a half since that post and as much as I have evolved, the AP community online has changed…

AP has become trendy… babywearing and Cloth diapering is stylish and continuing in the mainstream point of view of children, just more accessories. Mainstream parents that enjoy the tools that once were considered AP, and have flocked to AP support sites and have infiltrated and many times conquered them, rendering the sites to being full of people who call themselves AP but do not practice the theory.

For quite a long time now I no longer want to be identified with AP because of the skewed perceptions that people have.

I think the big problem is that people start out right… know that CIO doesn’t feel right for a good reason, know that breastfeeding is best… but aspects such as babywearing and even cloth diapering have become stylish and since the boards that host that discussion on a large basis were mostly of gentle mindset in the past, those subjects attract all…

It is GREAT that people want to wear their children more, use cloth etc… it truly is… but those are not the ways to be attached, nor are they the goals of being an attached parent… to wear your baby is a tool that makes things easier, as is co-sleeping and even gentle birth.

There seems to be a sad misconception that Attachment comes through the physical stuff in infancy but that at a certain age things just can’t work that way anymore… as kids grow up the unrealistic expectations of what a child “should” be doing step in… weaning, too big to be carried, parents think that the child should be in their own bed etc… the physical practices that defined what AP was in the past just fizzle away and AP can’t be practiced anymore. The problem as I see it is that people get stuck on the physical stuff and don’t learn or haven’t been modeled the theory of attachment.

There is a whole new world past infancy and attachment doesn’t wane after but needs to grow stronger. Living concentually, being a parent, a guide, a teacher to our children… discipline should not divide, no time-outs (love needs to be unconditional) and of course no physical punishments (smack, tap, spank all equal hit and is abusive behaviour and will lead to power struggles, insecurity and doing things for the wrong reasons). Respect should be earned both ways and modeled. It is hard to break the cycles for many, but it must be done to give the next generation a chance.
The GOAL of being attached to your child is to raise a child with respect, to raise a child that makes decisions because they are right, not because they are afraid of the concequences, to raise a child that sees the parent and not their peers as teachers or as guides… Of course that parent needs to do the right things also… not be perfect, no one is perfect but be able to admit their faults and work on them… that is what is important…

Gentle birth makes bonding easier, makes breastfeeding easier and women have less chances to have PPD…

breastfeeding gives bonding and health… Child led weaning is about respect for not only the physical needs of the child but the emotional needs as well…

When we co-sleep we teach children how to sleep by mimicking and they are able to feed easily and both get more sleep…

Babywearing fulfills a babies physical need of contact for the first few months, reduces colic, helps digestion, even teaches babies balance and the skills for sitting and walking later on… it also teaches children how to talk and communicate with others all while mom or dad has their hands free to do other things…

These are all tools that are part of the continuum from infancy, to toddlerhood and into the child and teenage years… the tools of attachment change as children grow but the attachment itself needs to survive until the day that the child becomes an adult and has the skills to continue through life on their own.