a hippie with a minivan

filling in the gaps…

Since reading Annie’s blog posts… and hearing more about NVC within other sources… I have been interested to learn more.

In some ways I find it strange that I haven’t looked into it before because it reflects so much of what I already believe in, but reading Annie’s posts I realized that though I agreed with her there were some things that I couldn’t explain why…

Looking around I found a DVD version of the “basics of nonviolent communication”… so I watched it last week… it was exactly what was missing… it was able to not only fill in the gaps but open up a whole new world … and since watching it I have been so much more conscious of my own mistakes when speaking to my family and friends and I have been making a conscious effort to change the way I communicate.

What I find hard is not only changing the way that speak, but the way I am heard. Though, I am not a viloent person, or didn’t use violent words I now see that like most I used words to manipulate, not as much consciously but just being part of the way I learned to interact with others… the way most people speak…

What is amazing about nonviolent communication is that it is not only fulfilling… but it is also the fact that it is so liberating. Though I am only at the beginning of my journey I see that it will be pretty life-changing in the very small details.

Here is a part of a great summary of the goal of nonviolent communication on the NVC site…

“The process of NVC encourages us to focus on what we and others are observing separate from our interpretations and judgments, to connect our thoughts and feelings to underlying human needs/values (e.g. protection, support, love), and to be clear about what we would like towards meeting those needs. These skills give the ability to translate from a language of criticism, blame, and demand into a language of human needs — a language of life that consciously connects us to the universal qualities “alive in us” that sustain and enrich our well being, and focuses our attention on what actions we could take to manifest these qualities.”

Just after learning a bit… I was able to see the errors I was making and with slight changes of language I was able to put my parenting views in practice in a way that in the past was harder to do. I wish I would have looked into it before…

It is such a great tool and I can’t wait to learn more…

well… the intention was there…

So I got ready to go to the pool by getting everything together… made supper so it was ready when Simon got home… ate and then got dressed and left…

Got to the pool to discover that it is March break and there are no lanes for laps…

I really hate this pool sometimes… I know that I haven’t been going much so I shouldn’t complain… but the hours are terrible, the water is cold and often cloudy… there is too much chlorine and and there is always something that catches your eye at the bottom of the pool (how do people lose a tampon???)

If I could go somewhere else I would but this is the only pool in the region (and is 5 min away from me) and the closest pool after is a 45 min drive…

Anyway… I guess I’ll start back next week…

again…

I feel pretty disappointed in myself at the moment..

Last year I was swimming on a regular basis… making sure that I went at least 2-3 times a week…

I felt great, had more energy and was losing weight… then the summer came and the hours of the pool changed and then I had our wonderful and long trip to BC and the routine went out the window… when I got back form BC I made an effort to go and did for a few weeks and then we got sick and it started to get cold and since the routine was already lost I just haven’t been back…

I feel awful…. really… not just mad at myself for not going back but I have less energy and I feel like I am gaining weight…

Anyway… Tomorrow I am going back…

I am writing it here so that I feel the obligation and I told Simon to order me to go tomorrow…

I have to get back into this routine… for my own sake…

a few FAQ about Atheism…

So after writing that last post on atheism I thought I would share a list of questions and statements that I have heard and that have been asked to me directly over the years… these are just a few and I plan on adding more in further posts…

(Just to say: Many of these questions came from fellow students in my university theology classes where many were studying to be active participants in the church, and where I was often the only atheist. I also saw many questions like these on parenting forums also and by e-mail from my blog)

Ok… first, the basics:

Theism: belief in at least one deity
Monotheism: belief in just one deity
Polytheism: belief in more than one deity
Agnosticism (in regards to theism ) the existence of a deity is unknown
Atheist: absence of the belief of a deity

If you don’t believe in a god then what do you believe in?

Nothing. Really. I believe that religion is man made. I believe that the notions of gods are man made. I believe that Religion was created to serve a purpose and can still serve a purpose for many. But I don’t believe any of it. Not even a little.

So if you are atheist you believe/worship in yourself?

No. Most Atheists, like myself, don’t worship anything, atheism is about the lack of belief. I see no reason or want to worship anything and it has nothing to do with being self-centred.

However, the notion of an worshiping self is the description of LaVeyan Satanism. Which seems to strangely be often confused with Atheists.

So Atheists are Satanists?

NO! Atheist are Atheists. There is no god.

Satanists are theistic. They believe in a god named Satan (and it could be the Christian Satan or another Satan altogether). There are also Satanists who claim to be atheists, they believe that Satan is a symbol of human traits and therefore worship that. However, they don’t call themselves Atheists, they call themselves Satanists and they follow the teachings of their “religion”and they self-proclaim that they worship themselves.

What do you think happens after we die?

Depends, if we are cremated we are burned and if we are buried we rot. It might be blunt, but it is true.
I don’t believe in a soul, or an afterlife. I do however like to think that we can live on in people’s memories and it is up to us to make our lives memorable. If we have children our bloodline also “lives” on, but that is it. Knowing that doesn’t make me sad at all, but it makes me respect life and want to make a positive imprint in the memories of others and do good because it is the only life I have.

What is the purpose of life then?

Well, we are animals, albeit we are intelligent, have opposable thumbs, and are technologically advanced. But, just like any other living thing, we are born to mate, to procreate and then we die. If we don’t procreate then when we die our bloodline dies. That is a choice to make. And because we have one life to live, we should make the most of it and be happy.

Where do Atheists get their Morals from?

We get them from the same place that everyone does. From society and culture and from our social contracts. Morality is not an absolute and is not based in religion. The idea of right and wrong varies within communities and societies. If it was absolute, a Christian in Canada would have the same morals as a Christian in Africa or India. But it isn’t so.
When you think of it like that then you can see that this social contract is what inspired religious texts. What isn’t the best is that is that is that writings do not leave place for change and for evolution of thought so religious participants are forced to pick and choose the rules that still can apply…

So let me rephrase the question to reflect what I think people are really asking: “If you don’t believe in god then what keeps you from doing bad things if there are no consequences?”

My answer to that is that like in parenting, punishment is not the way to get people to do things. I don’t do bad things because I believe in mutual respect and that my rights extend to the point that the rights of others start. It is the same thing I teach my children. Also, in asking that question does that mean that person asking would love to go out and kill and rape and steal if they were not scared of going to hell or being hit by lightning? If that is the case, then I am glad that we don’t believe in punishment as parents because I want my children to do what is right because it is right, not because they are scared of the consequences.

So, those are a few of the most asked questions that I have gotten over the years, if you have any other questions just ask!

snow pics…

It was a beautiful day outside so we headed out in to the front yard to play for a few hours… our front yard is not big but in the winter the snow hill is high enough to slide on and off… (last year is was almost twice as high)

and they love to play there…