Unschooling – Page 5 – a hippie with a minivan

child-led living…

In many circles, in real life and online, I have come to see that many people seem to believe that Unschooling and child led living go hand in hand when really they can be and are quite separate. It is easy to think however that one equals the other, as it is true that many families that practice a child led learning method such as unschooling do extend the child led ideology to all aspects of life. However, it is not something that all unschoolers believe in and child led living is not at all unique to unschooling.

There are many families that are child led and use public school, as there are many unschoolers that believe that child led learning is the best way to learn but believe that family dynamics are very different.

Personally, child led living is not something that I strive for which seems to surprise many people.

I believe that in a family the parents are the leaders, we are the ones with life experience, we are our children’s guides through the beginning of their lives. We are showing them the way and teaching them the skills to love and thrive. However, it remains important to remember that as parents and guides, we are not dictators, children deserve respect, they have a voice, they have a right be listened to and though they may not have all of the control it is not taken away from them completely either…

Mutual respect, consensual living, unconditional love, non-coercive and gentle parenting are the keys…

I think that there needs to be a balance in a family and the more we are the more we have to work as a team. There are times that some may not be happy, and in those times we do our best to help through the transition and work through those feelings.

If we need to leave from the park and someone is not happy, I will not stay there and wait until they are ready, however, I will also not say that I am leaving and instil the fear of abandonment just to get my point across. There are many ways to talk to kids, to help them with the transition of going… there are some kids that are easier than others and there are some that give you a run for your money and having 3 very different children there are times that you really need to get creative and yes there are sometimes tears… but with those tears there is always support.

The thing is… kids are not always 100% right and they do need guidance… but parents are not always 100% right either and we need to remember that kids often know more about what they need than we give them credit for. As a family there are times that we all have to make sacrifices and there are times that the right thing for one is not always the right thing for the other and it is not always the child that gets their way, but it is also not always the parent… I might want my kids to sleep at a certain time so that I have some time to myself…. but if they are not tired then why should they be forced? However, that time needs to be quiet because there are others that may be sleeping and evenings are quiet time around here…

It is that fine balance that seems to be so hard… guidance but not control… letting go of arbitrary expectations and letting kids have their say without making them having total control either…

Really though….

Being a parent is hard and being a child is hard also… so my goal is to make it easiest for all of us and of course we always strive for better.

Another homeschooling meeting…

Last night I debated on going to the pool or going to the homeschool meeting… I finally decided to do both and just be late at the meeting…

I am really glad I did that because for one, I really wanted to go swimming… and it felt great… and two… I missed the part of the meeting that was them talking about the conference they went to last weekend… when I came in they were just near the end and talking about concentration and how to get kids to concentrate on their work by using a physical stop sign and then having punishments if they need to use the stop sign 3 times…

omg… I was Crawling out of my skin!! and the worse part was that not only was the girl talking about it but she actually made the stop sign and bought the chart that charts the punishment and rewards… She gave the example of giving an assignment and that after doing half or more they ask to do something else so she has been using the stop sign to make them stop and concentrate on doing the rest…

so… I asked… but what if they want to move on after doing half or more because they got the concept and want to go on to the next thing…

she didn’t seem to think that it was a valid reason…

It really annoys me going to these meetings… I like the interaction with a few of the moms, especially 2 of them.. but the other 3 I just have so much trouble getting… they are always in search of the perfect curriculum, working so hard and struggling to get their kids to cooperate and concentrate… while 3 of us are often talking about whatever comes to mind, they are talking about curriculum…

Another thing that came up about the conference was about a writing club and the way they described it it was really cool and is really in line with an unschooling philosophy… letting kids write because they want to, letting them write what they want, not hovering and correcting etc… I said that it sounded really cool and that is what I plan on doing… but then of course the guns went up… it had to be said that it was only a writing club it is just for fun… but in real life learning kids can’t do that all of the time…

umm…. WHY NOT ??!!!

I just don’t get it… I don’t get them…

Why must the love of learning need to squashed by stop signs, punishments, rewards and overbearing parents?

we didn’t schedule another meeting for now… I am glad about it… I am not sure I want to go back….

California clamps down on homeschooling…

whoa…

Feminism and unschooling and more…

Here is an article that was shared with me recently…

Learning Curve

Feminism is a funny thing…

For some it may mean that women need to be completely independent, need to work, not have kids and not go into any other role than the independent womyn figure that would never trust a man if her life depended on it…

For some it means juggling both worlds of kids and family and then working out of the home to be “equal” to men.
And for some… being at home, raising kids in the way that is the best ways… not the mainstream ways…. is an act of feminism… However, I think that a lot of self proclaimed feminists see this as being impossible, but it isn’t…

The way I see it is that for a while, feminism was about equality in status as human beings. The right to vote, the right to speak, the right to work with equal pay, not one more important than the other…

Equal… but… not the same…

However… sometime, somewhere, it seemed to change…

I remember when I was in university and hanging out in some feminist circles and feminism was no longer about equality, it was about men-bashing… it was about surpassing men, it was about taking over… Instead of being equal, it has become about leaving the role of woman and motherhood behind and looking at it as something to be ashamed of…
However, my choice of staying at home, raising my children, making my own choices about the way I birth is part of the way that I express who I am as a woman…

So, taking back my womanhood, taking back my body in birth by UCing, taking back my role as mother and nurturing and raising my children in the ways that feel right naturally and not because of a stigma, breastfeeding, co-sleeping and now unschooling, all in the while of being an equal partner within my relationship with my husband and partner in life is the way I express my feminism…

Men have in most part shaped the society that we live in, they in many ways formed the ways that society in general raises children…

Men were the physicians that wanted women to birth in unnatural positions so that they could “see better”, not caring at all that the birth on the back position makes it harder on women to birth and can put babies at risk…
Men were the ones that have made breasts sexual and that have put stigmas on breastfeeding and were the physicians that perpetuated the myths that formula was not dangerous and that often was better than breastfeeding even though they could not be further from the truth…

And it goes on and on… Men have made many mistakes, and it is up to us to change things, however, correcting those mistakes by taking on the same family roles as the men in the past is not the way to go and in my opinion is doing a disservice to the children…

So going back to that article and unschooling, well… I don’t agree with all of it but I think that some good points were brought up in the article and in the comments… unschooling and feminism don’t only come together in the ways that the author is describing, it is about more.

It is about teaching our own children, it is about letting them make their own choices for what is right for them and recognizing that they too are equals in our society, it is about recognizing that the school systems that have been set up clearly do not work for all children and there are serious flaws and that it is part of the role I choose of motherhood to give my children the best chances they have to be happy in life…

simon, the cat, and the rat…

So Xavier is starting to read more words… the “at” words are easy for him now so I have been writing down a few things using those words and a few others that he knows and he has been reading them… what I really like about it is that this is really boosting his confidence and he is feeling really proud of himself and when that happens he want to do more…

So while Xavier was eating lunch I wrote something for him…

and omg… he laughed….

he laughed so much after he read it, and he couldn’t stop laughing for the longest time and wanted to read it again and again…

“Simon sat on the cat. The cat had a rat. The cat hit Simon with the rat.”

then I realized that it was the first time that I made my child laugh by writing something…

this is fun…