Days and nights with new babe…

Khéna is a great baby… Of course there is not such thing as a bad babe, but there are babe’s that are easier than others and he is one of the easy ones.. of course it helps that all of his needs are met the second that he expresses them and he is never out of arms awake or sleeping.. but he is a very relaxed and mellow baby.. Days are spent sleeping, nursing and with a few diaper changes and ECing thrown in there.

I started to EC him on Sat morning so he was 4 days old then… Now on Day 9 he gives me good signals when he has to poo… and semi clear to pee…

Yesterday I caught all of his poos except for one and though his diaper is most often wet when I go to potty him, he still does one then also… today again I have just missed one… and his signals are getting clearer… or at least he is expressing himself louder 😉
Nursing him has also been really easy. Though I didn’t have big problems with Xavier or Colin, I have even less with Khéna. Though he was doing a lot of clicking noises for the first 2 days until my milk came in, he had no problem latching, he wasn’t hurting me at all and just a few times of sucking on my finger and me pushing his tongue down a bit combined with my milk coming in fixed that problem. He is also the first of the three that has no problem latching on while laying down and doesn’t gag at my overactive let down. I guess those few extra pounds have him an advantage…
This has made night so easy. He nurses when we go to bed and then gives us a solid 5-6 hour stretch before waking to nurse. Simon gets up to change of diaper, potty him and then I nurse him and he gives me a few more hours.

I have really enjoyed baby mooning also. Besides having twice slept in a bouncy chair next to me while we ate supper he hasn’t been out of our arms or cuddled near us in bed since birth. I have also not been out of the house since I gave birth. We have ordered groceries online, Ordered gifts for the kids online, Simon has walked to the store`with the boys etc… we have not had many guests either, so we have truly been in a bubble made for five…

To be honest, though I am getting antsy to leave the house, I am not looking forward to going out, not in the car at least. Because Simon doesn’t drive that means that I have to, which in turn means that Khéna will be in the bucket seat in the back seat. Simon will sit next to him but he will seem so far away from me and I am not looking forward to that. Though I was very attached to the boys after birth, this baby moon has made me so much more attached faster.It is truly amazing and I didn’t think that it was possible.

We are not ROBOTS!!!!

I am getting so tired of hearing about inductions for no reason other than impatience!!!!

If you look up term pregnancy anywhere you will read that pregnancy comes to term between 37 and 42 weeks. That means that as many babies will come naturally at 37 weeks as they will come at 42 weeks. The median of course is that “due date”, that date that everyone has their eye on. But just like 37 weeks is not pre-term if a baby comes on their own,  42 weeks is not overdue. It is NORMAL and HEALTHY. Most 1st time moms will go into labour at around 41.5 weeks as the norm. They are not “overdue”, they are not “at risk”, they do NOT need to be induced. The babies are not more at risk either, women may be tired and impatient at the end of a pregnancy,but, that’s life. There is NO need to induce!

Docs however, have also seemed to have forgotten what they learned, or maybe they never learned about natural birth. They seem to see women and babies as Robots, needing to be all the same size, gain the same amount of weight and the same gestational period. The minute that 37 week hits they start getting impatient too and for NO good reason.

Most of the women that called me for breastfeeding support all had the same story: Their doctor (the same doctor) proposed induction at 38 weeks just because they were “term” at that point and I would have to say that 3/4ths of them ended up to be C/S’s and the others had other complications. Not many women that I have talked to have had a complication free delivery and I think I have only talked to 1-2 moms that had a natural birth and went into labour on their own and I have never heard of someone having a pregnancy over 40 weeks at this hospital…

This is really sad and upsetting for me…

Right now I am nearing the end of my pregnancy… actually tomorrow I will be considered to be at officially term as I will be 38 weeks. I am also officially tired of being pregnant, I am sore, I have trouble sleeping, my pelvis feels like it is falling apart and I can’t turn in bed without having tons of pain. If I was a mainstream mom that actually trusted OB’s and wasn’t informed about the risks (or just blindly thought that doctor wouldn’t do anything that had significant risks for no reason) then I would maybe be wanting to be induced… knowing what I know however, what the risks are and trusting my body and what is normal and natural instead of an impatient “care” provider I would never be induced, especially for non-medical reasons such as impatience…

So what are the Risks?

First, induction will not work if your body is not ready to go into labour yet. That means that more meds need to be used and it can lead to failed inductions and stress on the body and baby. When the meds do work they often produce unnaturally strong contractions. Pretty much every woman you will talk to that has been induced has not been able to give birth naturally because the contractions are so strong. Why? Because these strong contractions can lower the baby’s heart rate and cause fetal distress because of the lack of oxygen that occurs with the strong contractions. It can also lead to uterine rupture which puts both the mom and the baby’s life at risk. It almost always leads to an epidural and other drugs to help deal with those unnaturally strong contractions and when a woman is drugged, the meds also go to the baby, which again can lead to fetal distress. Moreover, when the epidural is given it can stall labour so even more meds are needed.

At that point however, the labour will be labelled as “failure to progress” and a C/S is the most likely outcome. Many women are even told that it is an emergency because the child’s life is at risk and indeed many times it may be. But it is an emergency that has been caused by the initial intervention.

Inducing also automatically means that women most likely cannot walk around in labour, are mostly confined to the bed, given an IV and catheter and are not “allowed” to eat or drink.. The position that women are forced to take in the hospital is the worst position to give birth in, not allowing for gravity to help and making the pelvis smaller than in other positions. The baby is less able to go into the right position and descend into the birth canal. Women are often made to push before the body is ready and the baby is in the optimal position just because they are at a magical number of 10cm which can mean very little and can spend hours pushing the baby out because of this. This can also lead to fetal distress, can lead to fatigue (especially if the woman has been starved for hours) and often leads to more interventions such as the use of the vacuum or Forceps and or lead to a C/S. There will be many reasons given for these interventions (pelvis too small, baby too big etc… ) mostly it is just the simple result of being in an unnatural birthing position just because it gives the best view to the doctor.

Because, of course, the doctors view and comfort is more important than the health and wellbeing of the woman giving birth and the baby coming out. (/sarcasm)

Another risk to induction (breaking the waters or giving meds) is cord prolapse.  If the baby is not in the optimal position and labour is induced, or the waters are broken even in a natural birth, just to make things “go faster”, or really for no reason other than the doctor or midwife wanting to intervene, the cord may come out before the babies head especially since the mom is most likely laying down with gravity working against her.  Cord prolapse is dangerous and makes for an automatic C/S and is often directly caused by the procedure. It is highly unlikely to happen naturally. When the waters break before labour starts it is often due from pressure that head puts on the membranes and the head with gravity works as a plug not letting the cord go by. Most often however, the membrane will rupture near the end of labour when the head is engaged and the mom is in active labour making cord prolapse virtually impossible.

Induction, especially artificially breaking the water also rises the risk of infection which can lead to problems with mom and baby later on also. However having the waters broken is not the problem in this case it is the whole intervention of “checking” to cervix that is the most likely cause of infection. The rule of thumb with broken waters is to keep hands away.

Induction, not just inducing labour, but other interventions that often go hand in hand with inducing labour put so many lives at risk and too often lead to C-Sections and further health problems. C/S, epidural use and other interventions make the breastfeeding rate decline which puts children and their moms at even higher risk for other medical problems later on in life, and often nulls the chance of a natural birth and puts the mom and future babies at risk also. It also has a very real effect on the natural microbiological gut flora.

There are so many other things that can go wrong because of the interventions that have taken the place of natural childbirth. Many women really don’t know or understand the risks of all of the interventions and instead just put all of their trust in others instead of themselves, and if something goes wrong then it is others that are to blame or it isn’t even know that it is a risk and then the doc is the hero at the end of it without realizing that the doc was also the cause.

Inductions are rising, C/S are rising and labour and birth are just becoming riskier and riskier because of it. The fear of childbirth is rising and the lack of trust in the body and in what is natural is being replaced by it. Doctors are the biggest problem in this and that women have been taught to put all of their trust in them is one of the saddest parts of birth today.

I am going to quit… I think…

A few months ago a got a call from a mom that found my # on my distributor’s website and asked if I could go show her some wraps and slings… I went over and stayed for at least 2 hours… we talked about a lot and one of those things happened to be how to introduce solids… Her dd was just about 6 mos old and the ped (the yucky ped that I hate) told her to start but her dd wasn’t too interested… So, I told her about child led introduction to solids, bypassing cereals and baby foods and going straight to table foods… we also talked about many other things and she found out that I was a peer-to-peer counsellor…

A few weeks after that she called me and asked me a few more questions about solids again… I told her a bit more and then that was that, I never spoke to her again…

So, about two weeks ago I got a call from the centre where I volunteer… It seems that they received a complaint about advice on solids that I gave a mom and they wanted to talk to me about differences that I may have with the center and how we could work to give all of the same advice etc…

Anyways… I thought about things and realized that the type of suggestion that they were talking about I only gave to that one mom… and it was done on my personal time…

When I brought that up, I was told that it was the “wrong” thing to do… even though I was there on my own time, was not there at all as a Peer to Peer etc… I still need to give the same advice as the Canada Health etc.. and I should never contradict a doc (it seems that this is true even when the doc gives advice that goes against Canada health)…

Anyways.. this happened in a phone conversation and I was asked to go in for a more extensive meeting… however, I don’t want to… I don’t feel like confronting two people… I don’t feel I have the strength emotionally at the moment…

When I am on my own time, I feel that I have a right to say whatever I choose… I am allowed to share my opinions and points of views.. When I am called for counselling I know that I have to give advice that I do not always agree with, or at least point them into a different direction to get advice that I don’t want to give… I don’t mind wearing two hats at times… but I don’t think that my volunteer hat should be forced on me on my personal time… I don’t think that

About a day or two after I talked to the head of the volunteers the Centre coordinator called me and asked me when I would come in… I told her I would call her back… I never did… I don’t want to either…

I was going to take a break from volunteering when the new babe comes anyways… but now… I don’t want to go back after…

I love volunteering but I don’t to be dictated in my personal time. I don’t believe that I have to hold back from talking to a mom at the park or in her home when called over about baby wearing just because they might find out that I am also a volunteer…

I am not sure what I am going to do yet, but I have lost the want to volunteer there…

Brave?

Some people I have encountered are truly scared of birth. In their eyes, birth is dangerous. For mother and child and needs not only to be attended but managed.

Though I am not shy about my decisions, I have not talked to many people openly about my plans. However, I do not lie either. If someone asks me where I am going to give birth I will say at home, if they go further and ask if/how I got a midwife I will tell them that we don’t… The same questions always come up after that… who is going to check you? Who is going to cut the cord? and then the what if’s come out… Then I get the comment “you are so brave” or something similar… I respond to the questions simply… no one will check me and I would let a doctor of midwife do it either… The cord will be cut after birth by either Simon or I after a the placenta comes out or longer… the What if’s I don’t go into details and just say that I am ready for many situations and will deal with them at home.

The brave comment is what makes me go crazy….

I am not brave to birth at home. What is brave in my opinion is to entrust my body to someone else. I was willing to do that with my last two pregnancies and births and I am not happy with the way that they turned out. Of course I have two gorgeous and healthy boys but the births were long and I felt rushed and threatened. I cried many tears because I felt that I had no control, no control over my body because I knew that I had to let it do its work, but control over my treatment. I wish that I wouldn’t have had so much courage those times to trust these strangers, I wish I would have had the courage to take charge of my own health completely and would have known more when I was pregnant with the boys. Of course, I was raised in a society of fear and was taught that doctors and midwifes were the experts of birth and a woman’s body in pregnancy and that you must surrender your body over to them and trust them. I am glad however, that though I was taught that, I never could believe it… I once went into a small surgery on my toe and was terrified of the needle to freeze my toe… the doctor tried to calm me down by asking me if I trusted him… I said no… he was so struck back at that and asked why I was there… I told him that I couldn’t do it by myself…

Looking back it is not that I am just afraid of needles… I have always been fearful to put my trust in doctors. I feel sick to my stomach at times when my mom speaks about doctors… she seeks them for pills and treatments. She wants blood tests, and scans and every intervention imaginable. She loves being medicated and whenever her body does something different, even though there is a good and clear explanation for it, she seeks a doctor… and when that doctor doesn’t want to give her enough pills or tests she finds another… now she is on hormones, antidepressants, blood thinners, muscle relaxers and an array of other meds…. and of course she self medicates with drugs, alcohol and whatever other pills or homoeopathic meds that she can get a hold on… she has always put all of her trust in doctors and medication. She doesn’t trust her body at all.

The day that I found out that I was pregnant and called the birthing centre and was told that I couldn’t have a midwife I actually felt relieved. I was quite hesitant to call the other birthing centre and when I finally did I wanted to hang up… I told the head midwife that if I didn’t get a midwife I would do things alone and though she may or may not have though that it was a “threat” it was just the truth and it was actually wishful thinking on my part. I never did call them when the time came that I may have had a place at the birthing centre, but when they called me a little rush of fear came over me…
I feel the need to be informed about birth and the more that I am informed the scarier the idea of having interventions and someone managing the birth becomes frightening. I do believe that there are women that are lucky enough to find a lay midwife that will not do any interventions at all but becomes a friend and a support person during the birth and is able to let the woman have complete control. However, I do not think that there are many midwifes out there that are able to so such a thing. I do think that I have found one however, a midwife that I have not met, that will not be here at all, that I probably will never meet, but has invited us to contact her if we have questions during the birth and for legal stuff after the birth to ease the process to get the birth registered.

The other day I called my grandmother just to say hi and we ended up talking about my plans a bit, my grandmother who had 5 twilight births (drugged into unconsciousness and awoke to a brand new baby that she was not allowed to hold too much) was actually much more supportive then I though she would be and started talking to me about the births of her siblings. My great grandmother was an amazing woman and I was very close to her. I knew she breastfed, I knew she birthed at home in her little country farm house. But it was amazing to hear a few details… my grandmother was surprised by the fact that the boys may see the birth and then remembered that she herself had witnessed the births of her siblings. She was surprised that I will be alone at home, but then remembered and shared that in birth a neighbour woman would often only show up near the end or even after the actual birth. I think that she understood a bit more where I am coming from.

Thinking about it all… maybe I am brave. Brave to go against the norm and trust my body and trust nature instead of trusting someone else. Brave to follow in my great grandmothers footsteps instead of following in my grandmothers or my mothers. Brave enough to believe that new doesn’t always mean improved.

Look at him now….

I am a big Raffi fan… as a child I listened to his music and now the boys love him too and recognize his songs and his voice…

I knew that he was for child rights and was an amazing spokeperson for children and now, I respect him even more…

Look at this… A Covenant for Honouring Children

Child Honouring Principles

The words of A Covenant for Honouring Children suggest nine guiding principles for living. Taken together, they offer a holistic way of restoring natural and human communities, thus brightening the outlook for the world we share. They form the basis for a multi-faith consensus on societal renewal.

Respectful Love

is key. It speaks to the need to respect children as whole people and to encourage them to know their own voices. Children need the kind of love that sees them as legitimate beings, persons in their own right. Respectful love instills self-worth; it’s the prime nutrient in human development. Children need this not only from parents and caregivers, but from the whole community.

Diversity

is about abundance: of human dreams, intelligences, cultures, and cosmologies; of earthly splendours and ecosystems. Introducing children to biodiversity and human diversity at an early age builds on their innate curiosity. There’s a world of natural wonders to discover, and a wealth of cultures, of ways to be human. Comforted by how much we share, we’re able to delight in our differences.

Caring Community

refers to the “village” it takes to raise a child. The community can positively affect the lives of its children. Child-friendly shopkeepers, family resource centres, green schoolyards, bicycle lanes, and pesticide-free parks are some of the ways a community can support its young.

Conscious Parenting

can be taught from an early age; it begins with empathy for newborns. Elementary and secondary schools could teach nurturant parenting (neither permissive nor oppressive) and provide insight into the child-rearing process. Such knowledge helps to deter teen pregnancies and unwanted children. Emotionally aware parents are much less likely to perpetuate abuse or neglect.

Emotional Intelligence

sums up what early life is about: a time for exploring emotions in a safe setting, learning about feelings and how to express them. Those who feel loved are most able to learn and to show compassion for others. Emotional management builds character and is more important to later success than IQ. Cooperation, play, and creativity all foster the “EQ” needed for a joyful life.

Nonviolence

is central to emotional maturity, to family relations, to community values, and to the character of societies that aspire to live in peace. It means more than the absence of aggression; it means living with compassion. Regarding children, it means no corporal punishment, no humiliation, no coercion. “First do no harm,” the physicians’ oath, must now apply to all our relations; it can become a mantra for our times. A culture of peace begins in a nonviolent heart, and a loving home.

Safe Environments

foster a child’s feeling of security and belonging. The very young need protection from the toxic influences that permeate modern life-from domestic neglect and maltreatment, to the corporate manipulations of their minds, to the poisonous chemicals entering their bodies. The first years are when children are most impressionable and vulnerable; they need safeguarding.

Sustainability

refers not merely to conservation of resources, renewable energy development, and anti-pollution laws. To be sustainable, societies need to build social capacity by investing in their young citizens, harnessing the productive power of a contented heart. The loving potential of every young child is a potent source for good in the world.

Ethical Commerce

is fundamental to a child-honouring world. It includes a revolution in the design, manufacture and sale of goods; corporate reform; “triple bottom line” business; full-cost accounting; tax and subsidy shifts; political and economic cycles that reward long-term thinking. Ethical commerce would enable a restorative economy devoted to the well being of the very young.

I am going to be following him more closely now and I would love to get my hand on the book and CD for us “Beluga-Grads” 🙂

Resisto Dancing, Songs of a Compassionate Revolution, the musical expression of Raffi’s Child Honouring philosophy…

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