Alternative Parenting – Page 18 – a hippie with a minivan

unschooling… doing nothing?

When I wrote the definition of unschooling a few weeks ago I handed it out at the local homeschooling meeting in hope that the philosophy around it would be a bit more understood… I found out yesterday though that it really wasn’t…

I agree that to the outsider, unschooling doesn’t look like the parent is doing much… you are not technically sitting and teaching a few hours a day… you might not have as many ways to “show” what your kids are learning because there is no curriculum, no workbooks or tests…but unschooling is not about “doing nothing”… you are always answering questions and researching things… you need to be attentive to their interests and provide them with experiences…

I felt really felt disillusioned yesterday at the homeschooling meeting when I realized that my efforts to explain unschooling in the attempt to create a connection regardless of our differences had caused maybe even more confusion… some parents were talking and saying that they agree with unschooling because they do it also when they are not doing school work… (like in the afternoons.. on weekends or in the summer on school break) basically saying that when they are done “teaching” the kids what they “need” to know… then they are free to “unschool” (with limits of course)…and in the context and way they said it, it was like unschooling is what happens when the parent is doing nothing to actively teach their kids… they also made clear that most kids cannot be unschooled because they just “wouldn’t do anything’ and would never be able to learn without being taught…

The thing is… Unschooling is not just about not doing schoolwork…. it is about looking, and seeing, learning and education, in a different way… it is about having confidence that all kids start with the love of learning and if nurtured, they will always learn what they need to learn when they are ready and interested to do so…

When you see that, you no longer see the need to actively teach math and grammar because you know that they will learn it when they see the necessity in learning within everyday life experiences… you don’t teach the alphabet or colours or make sure that they know where their nose is… you can even see that doing so can be detrimental and destroy the love of learning…

Free time after sitting and being taught for a few hours is not “unschooling’… and neither is summer vacation… just because you decide on stopping school work for the day… or even a month or two and the kids keep on being interested in things it doesn’t mean that you are unschooling… it just means that kids are being kids… but it could be unschooling if you continue letting them do that all of the time and gave them encouragement follow their natural interests of what they want when they need to…

To be honest, the rest of night I was much quieter than usual and was wondering what I was doing there… the experience left me feeling really withdrawn and indifferent… I feel that each time I have made an effort I have felt pushed away.

homeschooling on the radio…

Yesterday there was a great talk about homeschooling on CJAD…the talk-radio station that I listen to on a daily basis…

A homeschooling mom of 4 was invited to talk about homeschooling and the opinionated host turns out to be quite pro-homeschooling… which made the show and interview really positive.

The questions that came in where the normal ones… what about friends? are they socialized? are they being sheltered? how does it work? how do you get time for yourself? what about highschool? Is it Legal?

All the questions where answered with great answers that I hope will get the idea out more and I have to say that I learned a few things also… Though I knew that homeschooled students can go straight to University and bypass CEGEP I didn’t know that the easiest way to get in is to pass the american SAT’s.. something that isn’t availible to the public/private school system here…

I really do wish that we lived somewhere else… or closer to the west end of Montreal at least so that we could be more involved with homeschooling groups and the activities that were mentioned…

I did start a facebook group yesterday though for Unschoolers in Quebec… hopefully I will be able to get a few members and meet some more families with simular philosophies about learning…

filling in the gaps…

Since reading Annie’s blog posts… and hearing more about NVC within other sources… I have been interested to learn more.

In some ways I find it strange that I haven’t looked into it before because it reflects so much of what I already believe in, but reading Annie’s posts I realized that though I agreed with her there were some things that I couldn’t explain why…

Looking around I found a DVD version of the “basics of nonviolent communication”… so I watched it last week… it was exactly what was missing… it was able to not only fill in the gaps but open up a whole new world … and since watching it I have been so much more conscious of my own mistakes when speaking to my family and friends and I have been making a conscious effort to change the way I communicate.

What I find hard is not only changing the way that speak, but the way I am heard. Though, I am not a viloent person, or didn’t use violent words I now see that like most I used words to manipulate, not as much consciously but just being part of the way I learned to interact with others… the way most people speak…

What is amazing about nonviolent communication is that it is not only fulfilling… but it is also the fact that it is so liberating. Though I am only at the beginning of my journey I see that it will be pretty life-changing in the very small details.

Here is a part of a great summary of the goal of nonviolent communication on the NVC site…

“The process of NVC encourages us to focus on what we and others are observing separate from our interpretations and judgments, to connect our thoughts and feelings to underlying human needs/values (e.g. protection, support, love), and to be clear about what we would like towards meeting those needs. These skills give the ability to translate from a language of criticism, blame, and demand into a language of human needs — a language of life that consciously connects us to the universal qualities “alive in us” that sustain and enrich our well being, and focuses our attention on what actions we could take to manifest these qualities.”

Just after learning a bit… I was able to see the errors I was making and with slight changes of language I was able to put my parenting views in practice in a way that in the past was harder to do. I wish I would have looked into it before…

It is such a great tool and I can’t wait to learn more…

first reactions…

Today, there have been many times that Colin has come to me after getting hurt…

So when Colin came screaming and crying after being hurt saying that Xavier hurt him… we reacted by checking Colin out and asking Xavier what happened but he wouldn’t say… and Colin was too upset to be understood except for the mentions of Xavier hurting his head… we told Xavier that we were not too happy with what had gone on…

Because Colin was still so upset, Simon took him into the computer room alone so that he could calm down…. leaving Xavier with me, but of course Xavier wanted to follow his dad and brother so he stayed next to the door and listened to the conversation inside…

When they came out, Colin was calm and came to me and Xavier tried to explain to Simon what happened… Simon couldn’t understand so Xavier showed him…

The boys had taken a playmat that we have and had tied it to the railing of the top bunk… Xavier was in the play castle and was holding the other edge of the playmat and Colin tried to use it as a bridge… Xavier wasn’t strong enough to hold his brother’s weight and Colin fell to the ground and hit his head… so yes, Xavier “let go” and yes… Colin got hurt because of that…

But was anyone in the wrong? Not at all…

I feel bad that I presumed that Xavier had done something wrong but I am so glad that we don’t believe in punishments…

In the end we all laughed together and I am pretty sure that both of them learned their lesson…

It is called “gravity”…

non-belief a threat?

Why is Atheism such a threat? Really?

I was “stumbing” and I stumbled upon an article about Ottawa saying that the transportation board is deadlocked in vote or rejected (depending on the article) an Atheist ad that has run in many cities that was saying “There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.”

…Theresa Milligan argued against the ads, saying that it goes beyond freedom of speech.

“When statements are said that God probably does not exist, this is an implied statement of hatred towards all those who do believe that God exists.”…

Of course, this is not the first time I have heard this argument, but it still mystifies me.

How can saying that you don’t believe in something mean that you hate people who do believe in it?

Especially since they are not even taking a completely atheist stance and are saying that God “probably” doesn’t exist instead of saying that there simply are no gods.

What gets me is the double standard. By saying “When statements are said that God probably does not exist, this is an implied statement of hatred towards all those who do believe that God exists.” this Millagan woman actually blatantly implying that she hates people who believe in a different god than her. She may not believe that but by using her logic, if she doesn’t believe in Krishna or Zoroaster or a different god then the one that she believes in then she must hate Hindus and Parsis.

The thing is… Atheists don’t deny or hate whatever god. They simply don’t believe that gods exist. Atheists believe that religions and their gods are man-made and it is as simple as that. If religious people have a right to say “God/gods exists” then Atheist have as much a right to say “gods do not exist”. It is a statement of belief and truth on both sides, and neither are meant to be a threat.

When a humanist group says “There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.”, I really think that they are saying that life should be lived because it is worth living. It is as simple as that.

As expressed many times on my blog in the past, kids don’t learn right and wrong through rewards and punishment. With rewards and Punishment, children learn how to manipulate and what not do do to not get punished or how to get what they want by doing something but don’t learn the real lesson meant to be taught.

Taking away religion from ones life is taking away the rewards and punishment aspect in our own lives and instead of doing things based on outward motivation, we are free to live life in the richest way possible and do things because they are simply the right thing to do.