With EC in the news lately I have been hearing a lot of negative comments…
First of all.. If you don’t want to do it then don’t do it!!
These people seem to think that EC kids are just eliminating all around the house and soiling everything… Don’t they know that kids are intelligent and KNOW when they need to eliminate and when you use diapers you are teaching them to eliminate in their diaper and soil themselves??!! My 3 yo was a diaper baby.. Cotton and pampers all of the way… He didn’t want to have anything to do with the toilet until just before he turned 3.. His toilet was the thing that he wore everywhere.. I taught him as a baby that he needed to eliminate in his diaper and it has been hard to get him to unlearn that habit!
Don’t they know that many mom’s use diapers as a backup and instead of changing a soiled diaper they just bring their child to the potty and then put the clean diaper back on… Why is it that people say that they don’t have the time… Pottying means no messy clothes, no messy cleanups, no diaper rash, no fighting etc… It actually saves time…
Don’t they know that there are some moms that use EC even though they work full time, are out of the house often, want to go out sometimes etc?… As with many things… a little can be better then none at all and at least the child knows both ways… As for leaving the house… There are many solutions and kids CAN hold it in!!! Do people not leave the house with their 4 years olds cause they might have to stop to go to the bathroom?
Colin has been EC’d since he was about 3 months old… Next time I am starting at birth… I have to admit that he was doing great until he started to walk and went on a major potty strike and lost the habit of telling us as often and then we lost the habit also… However, he didn’t lose the feeling of going and everyday he is going potty more and more and can even go and sit on the potty by himself… and is using less and less diapers as the days go by….
I think the real reason that people speak so negatively about EC is that they are not/don’t want to be that tuned in to their kids.. they want to use pampers that absorb 1000 times their weight in moisture because they don’t want to be inconvenienced by changing a diaper often… (I have too many times seen moms that leave their kid in a poo soiled diaper because “they ‘just’ changed them”) I think people are also jealous or feel guilty about not being tuned into their children’s cues as much…
Some people use the argument that it is just the parent being ‘trained’… If that is true then I we are also ‘trained’ to feed our children when they tell us they are hungry, ‘trained’ to bath them when they are dirty or ‘trained’ to comfort them when they are need comfort… (OH YEAH!!! they also probably don’t agree with that either and need an object to do that for them too)

On an AP newsgroup that I read and participate on I had a little debate this morning… It was friendly, I don’t think any feelings where hurt on either side so there is no harm done… however, I feel the need to talk about the subject here on my blog…

A question was asked…Are AP’d kids less likely to need a”lovie”, pacifier etc… My first instinct is to say yes… however, 19 responses later revealed that many of the kids have transitional object…

However, I still believe that AP kids are less likely to need them…First, Pacifiers…It seems that most people that answered that their kids are attached to pacifiers are the ones that didn’t breastfeed for whatever reason… (I will be addressing this in another post 😉 ), a few kids had transitional object because of daycare and then a 2-3 others that had kids that picked up transitional objects for no reason other then they wanted it… and then a few moms had kids that had no attachments to any object…

One woman then mentioned that she was talking to a “PH.D” friend of hers that told her that having a paci etc is not a burden but a “gift”… the gift to “self-soothe”… this is where the debate started (if you could even call it that)…

I’m in Blue she is in Red

As for the pp who talked about the importance of a transitional object because the child learns to ‘self-soothe’ I respectively don’t agree… they are not ‘self-soothing’ they relying on an object to soothe them… Take away the object, you take away the ‘ability’…

Also, I don’t see the importance of ‘self-soothing’ until they are ready to do so, so I would rather them depend on me then on an object… I am also one of those that do not like Paci’s… especially for a breastfed baby… I understand that some moms say they need them but in the year that I have been a breastfeeding counsellor I have seen too many cases of nipple confusion and low supply issues because of a paci… and personally I would rather be the paci for my kids…
I don’t think that there is anything wrong with a transitional object… Personally, I don’t like it but I do know that many kids really need it and it is a lifesaver for moms that can’t be there all of the time… of kids that just really need them…

Self-soothing is a good thing at any age! I agree that the bink in the early weeks can interfere with BF and should be avoided.

I am confident I can soothe my child, but I am also confident not to feel guilty or less-AP if my baby can find comfort in his bink or his thumb.

Some babies and children get comfort orally — no biggie. Others like the feel and touch of something. Also no biggie. Any child who can center themselves with the use of a transitional object is blessed with a gift — and there is absolutely NO HARM in that gift unless it interferes with developmental progress, which is extremely rare.

Again.. I have see nothing wrong or un-AP with a child choosing a transitional object… and I don’t see anything wrong with self-soothing at any age (if the child chooses to do it and is not forced to do it)
But, again, I don’t see it as “Self-soothing” when there is a reliance on something (be it a person or an object)
So I personally wouldn’t agree with the PHD friend of yours as seeing it as a gift… it is just another thing that the child will have to wean from… (which again is OK if done when they are ready to do it by themselves)
I guess the best way to explain what I mean is to say this…
I think that personality can bring some kids to seek a transitional object even if they are the most attached, AP’d child and any AP mom will recognize that need…
However, I also think that AP’d kids NEED less transitional objects because of the parenting style… KWIM?

I agree with almost everything but your last nine words.

I’d say that it may be true that AP children on average may use transitional objects less because AP parents on the whole don’t introduce them.

And I think we are just speaking past each other on the self-soothing. I define self soothing as being able to center oneself without the aid of another person, you seem to define it as centering without the aid of anything external. What is interesting about your definition is that I can’t even do that [i/]. LOL!

In order to relax, I often need to have a drink of water, or a nice long hug from DH. Sometimes when I am tense at work I find myself chewing on the end of my pencil. These actions all “soothe” me. Indeed, I only know a few [i/] grown ups who can effectively self-soothe completely on their own without any external assistance. Those folks are rare and truly amazing people — they tend not get to get ruffled by anything.

So I count the use of transitional objects and binks as a means of self-soothing. Most children will give up such objects/habits when they are ready to give them up — sort of like child led weaning.

Personally I see self-soothing as a way of coping without relying on one fixed object (be it a paci, a bear or even mom)… and though I think that learning how to “self-soothe’ is important later on in life… I don’t emphasize the importance in infancy, babyhood, toddlerhood etc… Of course, again there are some children that will latch themselves on an object even if the parent is there… and I think that that can be part of a natural progression…
And, personally, IMO, I would rather be that ‘object’ then having something else…I think that kids need to have us to rely on so that we can in turn teach them how to soothe themselves.. KWIM?
Of course, as an adult I too have things to help me cope and “self-soothe”, DH, hot bath, a cup of tea, music etc…
I also don’t see anything wrong in having someone to help you soothe as an adult as long as you have those skills in place…
I’d say that it may be true that AP children on average may use transitional objects less because AP parents on the whole don’t introduce them.

I agree… BUT, It’s not like AP moms keep all teddy bears, blankets etc away from their kids…if a child wants or needs a transitional object they WILL find one..and an AP mom won’t take it away but nurture that need…
however, I do think that AP kids need them less…

I guess we’ll have to agree on disagreeing 😉

Anyway… I really don’t think that there is anything wrong with having a transitional object as long as it is not because there is a lack of parental attachment, and I think that the need comes up less in AP kids then in non-AP’d kids… I also think that those that do choose an object for themselves often do it later on and it is truly a “transitional” object to help them on their own path to independence.
I even have to admit that both boys do have Teddies (well an Owl and a mouse) that we gave them with the hope that they would become favorites… however, neither of them did… both do like their blankets that they sleep with every night but they are not missed if they are not there…

so what do you think?

Do AP’d kids NEED lovies paci’s etc as much as non-AP’d kids?