I bought clothes…

ok… ok… maybe not that news worthy to some… but for me who never buys clothes… well it is something worth mentioning…  honestly…

I have never spent so much in one day on clothes in my life!!! actually I have never even spent 1/3 of what I spent yesterday…

I really needed it though…

All of my clothes were too big…

I was at the mall a few days ago and I had Khéna on my back and Xavier was telling me that my shorts were falling down and when I checked they were half way down my bum… I was waiting to lose a little more weight before I bought a few things but  It just hit me that there is no more delaying it…

So… I started trying out clothes and at first was looking at the sizes that I am used to…

A few months ago… I was wearing a size 22-24 so I started looking at those but then realized that I was there because it didn’t fit anymore… so I asked an employee what size she thought I was and she said 18… so I tried one on and yep!!! 18! I can’t believe that 30 pounds took that much off!!

So I bought…

-2 new bras ( and I mean real bras… not nursing… REAL…. I haven’t bought a real bra in about 7 years!… my boobs went from droopy and navel gazing to HELLO THERE!!!)
-clear straps for the bras to wear with my spaghetti strap tops…
-2 tank tops
-2 t-shirts
-denim bermudas
-Khaki bermudas
-a pair of jeans
-black shorts
-lounging pants
and a bathing suit…

you can just imagine what I spent… 😐

But… I wanted to cover all of the basics… so that I can use what I have in my closet that still fits and also everything I bought is mix and match…

It felt so weird spending all that money on clothing for me…

and I have to admit that I kind of even liked trying on new clothes that fit well and make look and feel pretty good if I may say so myself…

eta… a few pics…

Eating alone together with a stranger…

Last Friday I decided to head to Montreal to see an old friend who had a photography/art exposition… I picked Simon up at work and we headed up to St-Denis and Deluth and I found a parking space right away which is always a nice thing…

We headed to the gallery to make sure that she was there and Simon and the boys stayed for a few minutes and then went out to eat together… I stayed and talked and looked for a while and then went looking for them… Since they had eaten and I hadn’t I decided to go my favourite restaurant in Montreal… ChuChai

Simon and the boys went for a walk and to check out a store and I sat down on the terrasse and ordered something to drink while I looked at the menu… I knew what I was going to eat but I was wondering about the entree so I asked for a suggestion from the waitress… so I got the breaded crispy seaweed with sweet and spicy sauce…and ordered the tofu with peanut sauce and crispy spinach and sticky rice for the main meal…

I people watched and took a few pics while I waited… Though I love to eat out with a friend or with the family, I really don’t mind dining alone.

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I got my entree and started…. omg it was amazing!!!

breaded crispy seaweed with sweet and spicy sauce

breaded crispy seaweed with sweet and spicy sauce

just when I started to eat a man sat down at the table beside me… he had brought a bottle of wine and the waitress uncorked it and served him and asked if he wanted to keep the cork and he said yes and he made a joke that he couldn’t finish it without help unless someone helped and then offered me a glass… I laughed it off but he asked again and I decided to take him up on his offer… the vibe that I got off him was just a nuce guy vibe…

So we ended up talking through the whole supper… he has three grown kids and 3 grandkids… he is a teacher for adults who don’t know how to read and need basic skills to work…

There were moments of silence that were not at all awkward because we were just two strangers eating alone next to each other…

I got my main course and forgot to take a pic… next time I will try though because the food there is worth the trip to Montreal….

I finished up and then headed to the car to meet Simon and we started to head home…

It was a night like that night that I miss living in Montreal… people watching, meeting nice people, eating amazing food and walking on streets full of life…

child-led living…

In many circles, in real life and online, I have come to see that many people seem to believe that Unschooling and child led living go hand in hand when really they can be and are quite separate. It is easy to think however that one equals the other, as it is true that many families that practice a child led learning method such as unschooling do extend the child led ideology to all aspects of life. However, it is not something that all unschoolers believe in and child led living is not at all unique to unschooling.

There are many families that are child led and use public school, as there are many unschoolers that believe that child led learning is the best way to learn but believe that family dynamics are very different.

Personally, child led living is not something that I strive for which seems to surprise many people.

I believe that in a family the parents are the leaders, we are the ones with life experience, we are our children’s guides through the beginning of their lives. We are showing them the way and teaching them the skills to love and thrive. However, it remains important to remember that as parents and guides, we are not dictators, children deserve respect, they have a voice, they have a right be listened to and though they may not have all of the control it is not taken away from them completely either…

Mutual respect, consensual living, unconditional love, non-coercive and gentle parenting are the keys…

I think that there needs to be a balance in a family and the more we are the more we have to work as a team. There are times that some may not be happy, and in those times we do our best to help through the transition and work through those feelings.

If we need to leave from the park and someone is not happy, I will not stay there and wait until they are ready, however, I will also not say that I am leaving and instil the fear of abandonment just to get my point across. There are many ways to talk to kids, to help them with the transition of going… there are some kids that are easier than others and there are some that give you a run for your money and having 3 very different children there are times that you really need to get creative and yes there are sometimes tears… but with those tears there is always support.

The thing is… kids are not always 100% right and they do need guidance… but parents are not always 100% right either and we need to remember that kids often know more about what they need than we give them credit for. As a family there are times that we all have to make sacrifices and there are times that the right thing for one is not always the right thing for the other and it is not always the child that gets their way, but it is also not always the parent… I might want my kids to sleep at a certain time so that I have some time to myself…. but if they are not tired then why should they be forced? However, that time needs to be quiet because there are others that may be sleeping and evenings are quiet time around here…

It is that fine balance that seems to be so hard… guidance but not control… letting go of arbitrary expectations and letting kids have their say without making them having total control either…

Really though….

Being a parent is hard and being a child is hard also… so my goal is to make it easiest for all of us and of course we always strive for better.

if you… you won't…

I was at the pool last night and I happened to get out at about the same time as a mom with a little girl… she couldn’t have been more than 2 1/2… she wanted to sit in the shower area while they were taking a shower and the mom started to get upset telling the little girl to get up and stand at the exact place that the mom wanted her to and to not move from that spot… at one point she mentioned she feared her slipping but didn’t mention it again…

I finished my shower and went to get dressed and could hear her start with the threats…

“If you don’t stay there, you won’t get ice cream…”

and then the little girl cried, and then she probably moved again, because then the threats got more hurtful…

“If you don’t stay here, you won’t get ice cream, I will get one and you won’t”

and it just kept on getting worse, and worse, when the spot in the shower, became a spot in the changing area.

now the mom is almost screaming “If you stay there, we are not going to get ice cream, but we are going to go home and you are going straight to bed and I am going to tell your daddy how bad you were”

I left just after that…

The threats really bother me…

I remember being a kid and having those threats uddered to me…

If my mom would have kept her word, I would have never been out in public, had any gifts, watched TV or have eaten anything I liked ever again. Did I stop in the moment? maybe… maybe not… Did I start again the next time? Probably, but I don’t think I ever knew why I wasn’t supposed to do something.

The thing is, threats don’t work.

Does that mom really think that her little girl is thinking about not moving, or is questioning why she shouldn’t move or learning not to move? or is she thinking about the ice cream, or getting hurt by her mom’s words, or about her dad not being happy with her?

She might stop moving in the moment. And threats often will get short term compliance, but in the long run, nothing real is learned besides not getting caught and that love is conditional. And at one point threats just won’t work anymore and then punishments just get worse.

The problem though, is that when you are raised in an environment that love is conditional, which most of us were raised in. Punishments, time-outs, rewards etc., then it is so hard to break the cycle…

and really so many people don’t even think about it.

May 8th…

11 years ago today, May 8th… a Thursday night… I was out partying to celebrate finishing my last College exams, when I returned to my Boyfriends apartment and found a note waiting for me on his door…. It was the call that I was dreading… My step-dad died after a long battle with Aids…
Here is a bit of our story…

I met Simon a few months later and on May 8th 1999, we got married… 9 years ago today…

and then in December a bit more than 3 years ago, the man who had the role as my father died after his battle with Cancer… My mother decided that May 8th would be a good date to bury him… I asked her not to, to wait… but she didn’t care as usual…

Today is just filled with so many emotions… I am a bit bewildered…

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