My Rants – Page 8 – a hippie with a minivan

I guess I hit a nerve….

I deleted a comment on the last post because it was just full of insults and nonsense and I just won’t have it… I really don’t mind people disagreeing with me… I actually like exchanging ideas with people that I don’t agree with so that I can see the arguments that they are presenting…
However… I won’t let someone outright insult me… not here anyways…. so I have put the moderation mode on the comments… I won’t delete a comment because someone doesn’t agree with me but I will not let it go through if it is insulting….
As for the comment it was from an anonymous poster…. and pretty much said that formula by prescription was so dramatic that I should be writing for soap operas and that I was stupid, didn’t have an education, can’t read studies etc etc….

side note…
All the comments that I make are not at all against the users of Formula, it is about the substance itself (I know people might see it as being the same but it really isn’t) … and the Hate that I have is against Formula is mostly toward the companies that make it…. they are the ones that have made people actaully think that Formula is an equal (and good) option…. they are the ones that hide the dangers of Formula etc…. We all want what is best for our children… I just want the truth about formula to be known and the truth is that it can be very dangerous and is not at all a equal choice as the Formula companies make it out to be…

CLSC last night…

I gave a Pre-natal last night and I got home at 10pm!… The nurse asked me if I could present some wraps and slings at the end of the class and I of course gladly accepted… We did the whole class, there was about 10 couples one of the biggest groups that I have had to date and also the most talkative. One mom in particular was very off the idea of breastfeeding and really had a head full of outdated info and tons of myths… she is having her second child 20 years after her first and I think is still dealing with guilt issues of her first parenting experience… Anyways I suffered through the stupid breastfeeding video from the 80’s that they have to show (I have seen it at least a dozen times now and it is just getting old!!) and then at the end of the class I showed the wrap and sling… everyone thought it was great and they all took my card… just as I was packing up a mom came up to me, asked about price, when she could call, where I live etc… and then asked if I always have some at home… I had brought the slings that I have left with me so I showed her what I had and she bought one right away…

The nurse came back in the room at that point and we started talking… the girl that bought the wrap is a local police officer and she and the nurse our friends… we started talking and something she said really surprised me… she HATES giving the classes because she doesn’t like what she has to say… she has to stick by the rules and they are the rules that she herself doesn’t adhere to… We talked about how hard it was to have to recommend things, teach things that we just don’t agree with. We have to put our own feelings and experiences aside and give the ‘blanket recommendation’ (Vit D supplements, co-sleeping etc)
We talked about how hard it was to talk about breastfeeding, talk about how important it is, talk about how easy it can be, talk about it being the best when you know very well that you are wasting your breath….

We both wished that we could stop talking about the importance of breastfeeding and could just focus on the dangers of Formula….

If Breastfeeding reduces the risks of :

Cancer (breast, ovarian, and uterine for mom and baby girls), obesity, asthma, Crohn’s disease, diabetes (and insulin requirements in diabetic mothers), Allergies, Helps prevent post-partum hemorrhage, Ear infections, diarrheal infections, bacterial meningitis, respiratory infections, rheumatoid arthritis, Hodgkins disease, protects baby against some vision defects, osteoporosis etcâ€¦etcâ€¦etcâ€¦.

AND Breastfeeding is the NORMAL way to feed our childâ€¦

Then it can be easily concluded that Formula is a CAUSE of many of these diseasesâ€¦

Againâ€¦ I am Tired of talking about the benefits of breastfeeding when it is the dangers of Formula that we should be focusing onâ€¦ but that will never happen because we donâ€™t want to make moms feel â€˜guiltyâ€™ and there is no money to be made by breastfeedingâ€¦.

This of course is proofâ€¦

Anywaysâ€¦ it felt good to talk with someone that is in the same situation and it makes me feel good to know that there are more and more with the same ideas as me, people that I can share with and have great conversations withâ€¦.

Defining a woman in our society…

It saddens me that in our culture that women are often so self oriented. The women I see around me, those I talk to, often work out of the home, need to get out once a week for dinner and a movie with their significant other, go for lunches on a regular basis with girlfriends, get their nails done, their hair done and all of the other stuff that they seem to find “important”… all the stuff that they did before they had children. Yet don’t see the importance of raising their kids completely, don’t see the importance of being a full time mom. They see motherhood and their kids as being a threat to the way that they define themselves. They cling to the identity that they had when childless and don’t want to leave any of that behind. They define themselves as women, as feminists, as working moms, as “themselves”…

I really don’t have anything against moms that work out of the home, they have their own reasons I guess and I can’t argue with them because they see it as doing what is right for them. However, I personally can’t understand it…

I can understand that there are some moms that are alone and that need the money and don’t have a choice… I can understand that it is sometimes the mom that makes more money, I can’t understand why the dad wouldn’t stay at home, I can’t understand the ones that say they “need” the money for their second car, the big house, the trips and the plasma screen TV…. I can’t understand how people say that they are the ones raising their kids when their kids are in daycare 5 days a week for 10 hours a day…

I know a few moms that have their kids in daycare full time and see the reality that the daycare has a great influence on their child’s life (negative as well as positive)… the daycare workers are the ones that often see the first steps, hear the first word, kiss booboo’s away, teach and take care of the children… others that I know don’t see the daycare as being anything more then a place that they take their children for a “few” hours and they are the only ones “raising” their kids….

Yes, maybe there are women that really just do love their jobs and want to continue to work and to them I would just have to agree to disagree because I love my job as mother too.Before I had kids I was in school, working, went out, had fun, got married and had time with my husband to get to know him, I was myself, doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it… When I had kids, I stayed the same yet changed. I became a Mom. I took on a definition to my life that I don’t see as being contradictory to myself but complimentary. Sure I don’t do all of the things that I did before and sure I miss it sometimes but for now, especially while the kids are so young my job is to be a mother and I can be myself while doing that. I understood that I only have a few years to raise my kids, to teach them, to discover them, to make them feel like they are the most important beings on the face of this earth. When they are a bit older, I can do more of the things that I did before (if they still interest me). Raising my children is the most important job that I could ever hold in my life, and they reward me everyday for doing so.

I know that for some women working out of the house is what they equate to being equal to men… I understand the “equality” issue… however, the most common complaints that I have hear about the “traditiona” nuclear family has often been how the mom was the one raising the kids while the dad was the one that came home tired and cranky at night and that was seen only on weekends… Is this what women really want? To be away from their kids as much as the men in the past?

I don’t see myself as inferior for staying home and raising my kids… there are women that provide childcare as a living… am I inferior to them? No, I am not paid. But I am doing the same thing… I am just doing it for myself instead of paying someone else to do it for me…

I guess I am lucky in the fact that I have a husband that acknowledges that what I do is important and that I work hard. He expects of my to raise my kids, not raise him, he doesn’t expect that the house is spotless but smiles when the kids have drawings or crafts to show him. He is hardworking out and in the home. He sees me as an equal and treats as such.

I think the overall problem with the image of women is the home stems from the image of man being dominant because of it… The problem with this though is that the way to change this view is to change the mentality of the men and doing so can only be done by showing that being a mom is a job like any other and that the other stuff just needs to be equally divided between the mom and the dad…

The other problem is the constant conception that those who actually love to be home with their kids on a full time basis are really lying to themselves and are just trying to be Martyrs are second class citizens and are not ‘modern’ women etc…If you really want to work then do so.. I don’t think that everyone should and has to be a SAHM… but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t a valid choice and that it isn’t as important a job… but I truly believe that in choosing for both parents to work outside of the home that it also means that you are willing to share and leave the responsibility of raising your kids with someone else….

Afterthought: don’t we all think of things the morning after 😉

I think the important thing is that we have to understand that a woman doesn’t have to lose herself to become a full time mom…

She doesn’t just take on the challenge of taking care of her children but takes on the challenge of redefining herself. Some things are left behind and forgotten and they are often the petty things, leaving the core of who we really are and then we rebuild from there. Past friendships may dwindle and be left behind leaving time and space for another generation of friends that we will keep for a lifetime. It does take a village to raise a child and through the friendship that I have made I am building my village, friends for my kids, other kids that I can kiss booboo’s for, other adults to give and get ideas and support, and share with.

I didn’t lose myself by staying home but redefined and enriched myself.

Response to comment on the EC post…

Kelly wrote this in the comments on the EC post…

“I think there is a huge distinction between Natural Family stuff and AP. There are folks out there who do both, but there are also lots of super AP folks who just don’t care for the NF stuff.”

I really need to respond… To me EC IS AP…

In itself I don’t see diapering as a whole being part of AP though I do see Cloth diapers as being NP (Natural Parenting)

However… I see EC as being an extension of AP more then an NP practice.. (though it can be NP if you look at it simply as a diapering issue i.e… using less/no diapers at all)

To me EC is about my child communicating a basic need (to eliminate) and me being in tune enough to pick up on those cues and bring him to the potty… It is a relationship, such as breastfeeding is a response to hunger and comfort cues, EC is a response to elimination cues…

Though changing less to no diapers is a big plus of EC for me it is not the goal… it is the communication that occurs…

I think this is the point that doesn’t get across to many people… it seems that they just see EC as being about early potty training… It is so much more!!!

Though I understand that it is not for everyone, and I don’t think it needs to be necessary part of AP, I truly believe that EC is an AP practice and not NP…

What is it about EC that makes people freak out..

With EC in the news lately I have been hearing a lot of negative comments…
First of all.. If you don’t want to do it then don’t do it!!
These people seem to think that EC kids are just eliminating all around the house and soiling everything… Don’t they know that kids are intelligent and KNOW when they need to eliminate and when you use diapers you are teaching them to eliminate in their diaper and soil themselves??!! My 3 yo was a diaper baby.. Cotton and pampers all of the way… He didn’t want to have anything to do with the toilet until just before he turned 3.. His toilet was the thing that he wore everywhere.. I taught him as a baby that he needed to eliminate in his diaper and it has been hard to get him to unlearn that habit!
Don’t they know that many mom’s use diapers as a backup and instead of changing a soiled diaper they just bring their child to the potty and then put the clean diaper back on… Why is it that people say that they don’t have the time… Pottying means no messy clothes, no messy cleanups, no diaper rash, no fighting etc… It actually saves time…
Don’t they know that there are some moms that use EC even though they work full time, are out of the house often, want to go out sometimes etc?… As with many things… a little can be better then none at all and at least the child knows both ways… As for leaving the house… There are many solutions and kids CAN hold it in!!! Do people not leave the house with their 4 years olds cause they might have to stop to go to the bathroom?
Colin has been EC’d since he was about 3 months old… Next time I am starting at birth… I have to admit that he was doing great until he started to walk and went on a major potty strike and lost the habit of telling us as often and then we lost the habit also… However, he didn’t lose the feeling of going and everyday he is going potty more and more and can even go and sit on the potty by himself… and is using less and less diapers as the days go by….
I think the real reason that people speak so negatively about EC is that they are not/don’t want to be that tuned in to their kids.. they want to use pampers that absorb 1000 times their weight in moisture because they don’t want to be inconvenienced by changing a diaper often… (I have too many times seen moms that leave their kid in a poo soiled diaper because “they ‘just’ changed them”) I think people are also jealous or feel guilty about not being tuned into their children’s cues as much…
Some people use the argument that it is just the parent being ‘trained’… If that is true then I we are also ‘trained’ to feed our children when they tell us they are hungry, ‘trained’ to bath them when they are dirty or ‘trained’ to comfort them when they are need comfort… (OH YEAH!!! they also probably don’t agree with that either and need an object to do that for them too)