My Rants – Page 5 – a hippie with a minivan

I am going to quit… I think…

A few months ago a got a call from a mom that found my # on my distributor’s website and asked if I could go show her some wraps and slings… I went over and stayed for at least 2 hours… we talked about a lot and one of those things happened to be how to introduce solids… Her dd was just about 6 mos old and the ped (the yucky ped that I hate) told her to start but her dd wasn’t too interested… So, I told her about child led introduction to solids, bypassing cereals and baby foods and going straight to table foods… we also talked about many other things and she found out that I was a peer-to-peer counsellor…

A few weeks after that she called me and asked me a few more questions about solids again… I told her a bit more and then that was that, I never spoke to her again…

So, about two weeks ago I got a call from the centre where I volunteer… It seems that they received a complaint about advice on solids that I gave a mom and they wanted to talk to me about differences that I may have with the center and how we could work to give all of the same advice etc…

Anyways… I thought about things and realized that the type of suggestion that they were talking about I only gave to that one mom… and it was done on my personal time…

When I brought that up, I was told that it was the “wrong” thing to do… even though I was there on my own time, was not there at all as a Peer to Peer etc… I still need to give the same advice as the Canada Health etc.. and I should never contradict a doc (it seems that this is true even when the doc gives advice that goes against Canada health)…

Anyways.. this happened in a phone conversation and I was asked to go in for a more extensive meeting… however, I don’t want to… I don’t feel like confronting two people… I don’t feel I have the strength emotionally at the moment…

When I am on my own time, I feel that I have a right to say whatever I choose… I am allowed to share my opinions and points of views.. When I am called for counselling I know that I have to give advice that I do not always agree with, or at least point them into a different direction to get advice that I don’t want to give… I don’t mind wearing two hats at times… but I don’t think that my volunteer hat should be forced on me on my personal time… I don’t think that

About a day or two after I talked to the head of the volunteers the Centre coordinator called me and asked me when I would come in… I told her I would call her back… I never did… I don’t want to either…

I was going to take a break from volunteering when the new babe comes anyways… but now… I don’t want to go back after…

I love volunteering but I don’t to be dictated in my personal time. I don’t believe that I have to hold back from talking to a mom at the park or in her home when called over about baby wearing just because they might find out that I am also a volunteer…

I am not sure what I am going to do yet, but I have lost the want to volunteer there…

Birthing choices…

A post on MDC got me thinking about the way that birth is thought about by UCer’s vs the Mainstream.

Many people on each side many believe that the other is putting themselves and their child in danger by making the birth choices that they are choosing. Personally I can see where each is coming from but of course I would more easily side with the extreme UCer.

On a post asking that was talking about the need of others to put UCer’s down because of the choices that they are making a poster said that it has to do in part with the lack of trust in others.

I read this and thought about it…

I think that the lack of trust in others is part of it but I do not think that it is the initial problem. The problem in not in the lack of trust in other people but the lack of trust in one’s self…

I see the problem being that women just don’t have the experiences of seeing how things are naturally done… in birth, breastfeeding and all of the other things that used to be taught by seeing (seeing sisters, mothers, cousins, friends, aunts etc) and trusting instinct…

Now most women seem to turn to books and “experts”… they have lost touch with the way things were and have lost touch with the confidence that comes with seeing these things throughout a lifetime, and instead have gained confidence in trusting others (books, doctors etc)

Some Women seem to have lost touch so much that they no longer trust their instincts at all and learn to put them aside and ignore them. They have lost touch completely with their selves in favour of listening to others… As a consequence they become helpless in a way… not uneducated really because they believe that the “expert” knows it all and will tell them what they need to know and they do internet searches or book searches and find the same information from other “experts”. (Though there are still some very uneducated women I believe that make very uninformed choices in pregnancy and birth) The next logical step in the slippery slope after losing that confidence in self, it is then to look for permission from the experts on most things (or for experts to “give” permission with use of certain language without giving the impression that they are taking that confidence away)

When things become normalized in a society then trust shifts… Until very recently trust within the realm of birth, breastfeeding, the raising of children was in the hands of women. Women of the community, women of the family and in the woman herself. When the shift started, and the trust was handed off to men and “experts” then not only did the trust shift but whole views shifted also. Knowledge that as once passed down from generation to generation was lost, knowledge that was once an integral part of womanhood was lost. The only way to normalize these things again is for women to regain trust in themselves and regain trust in other women that trust themselves.

At this moment I can not see it happening soon. Many women seem to not understand not trusting the “experts” on everything. Some women seem threatened by it. They have been taught, have learned from the people around them, and have learned from the women around them that the experts are to be trusted… it becomes what is normal, what it comfortable, what is to be done…

I do believe that there are some aspects of birth and health that are best handled by some experts. Though I don’t agree that we have the best experts in our society…

Our “experts” are products of the same society that puts all their trust in them. Such as many women seem to have lost touch with confidence in them selves and put all of their trust in doctors, those same doctors believe that they have all of the answers, should not be second guessed and expect the women to have little or no say in their care. This shows when women seem to be scared to talk to their “expert” doctors about doubts they have and why some doctors will be so insulted when woman goes against or second guesses their point of view (as seen by women who are “fired” by their OB’s for refusing tests, or families that are “fired” by the pediatricians for refusing vaxes)

In some places in the world premature babies are not kept in incubators, sterile environments with wires and monitors and tubes etc and deprived of human contact except for when an “expert” gives permission… Instead, they are released with their parents who are taught how to feed them and keep them warm by utilizing Kangaroo care 24 hours a day for weeks and months on end. Instead of being placed on oxygen to help them breathe they are places on their parent’s chest, instead of having monitors and machines to control heart rate, they are placed in their parents arms.

We have to start trusting nature, trusting our bodies and trusting ourselves again… when we do, I believe that birth will start seeing the shift it needs.

x-posted in my pregnancy journal

Psycho Doc strikes again…

So If you remember I talked about the psycho doc in the past… here and here…

Well… a few times now I have gotten a few phone calls from moms that got really bad advice at the docs… and it was always her… her breastfeeding advice is horrible….
Anyways… A woman called me today and said that she is worried about her dd not gaining enough… the ped has her coming in every 15 days to weight her and is making her freak out… (guess who the ped is…)
Then of course she tells the mom that she has to switch breasts often because all of the protein in in the foremilk ???!!!! Tells the mom that at 10 weeks her dd should be sleeping through the night and should not have to eat at night and to just let her cry! Tells the mom that she is very worried about the weight gain (the baby was born at 6p 4 oz, went down to 5p 9 oz and was back up to birth weight in a week and now at 10 weeks is 9p 10 oz) she has the wet and dirty diapers, she has a good tone and is flourishing and is following her growth curb… nothing is wrong!! She also tells the mom to supplement… not at the end of a feeding of course, but at the beginning!!!
I have heard so many things about her… all from different moms and I experienced her too!! She tells moms that they have to Supplement until milk comes it if not baby will starve, not feeding at night by two months old, they have to use a paci if not the baby WILL die of SIDS etc…

It has gotten to be too much… I have had more then a few moms with problems and I have had the experience myself… so I KNOW that this doc is the problem…

So I called the center I volunteer at and told the secretary the problem and she was flabbergasted (she is part of the governing board at the center and had to get breastfeeding training also) and told me that she would pass the message along to the director and she would call me back… I know that the nurses union have already planned or had a meeting with this doc because of all the bad info and the director meets with them once a month so I know that this will go somewhere… I am just so mad!!! She seems really nice and so many people love her so I can’t imagine how many mom and babies are getting bad info and being made to starve and CIO from 2 months on!!!

* update…

The director at the center called me back and said to call the head nurse in charge of the family unit directly, since it would be easier and more precise (less heresay etc…)…

So I did, and I told her all my concerns and she was great… she took down the list and we talked a bit… she then said how she is going to go about approaching the issue without making a big deal of it so that the doc is not automatically on the defensive… first she is going to hand out the new WHO chart with the breastfeeding growth curb to “remind” her if she hasn’t seen it yet so that breastfed babies are looked at against a chart that is made for them….

Then, in a joking matter, she is going to say something like “can you believe that someone has been telling moms that babies should be sleeping though the night at 2 months” and then talk about how is can be detrimental to the nursing relationship/ mom’s supply etc… and she hope that it will open the way to other conversations about breastfeeding… It also seems that she was with the doc when she gave really bad advice to a new mom… of course since she is “just” a nurse she couldn’t say anything….

It seems that they really like the doc because she is good at finding problems that others seem to miss or can’t find… but her breastfeeding info sucks…
Personnally I think she Sucks!!!

a walk in the park…

At points I realize how different my children’s childhoods will be different then my own…

On the Mothering boards recently there was a post that made me think about the liberties we had as children that many children may no longer experience. The original post was a mom that was outraged by a child playing alone at the park without any adult supervision. At one point the boy’s mom checks in with the boy and he comes back saying he has another 20 min… the boy was about 7 years old.

Some other parents were also outraged on the thread… however, some it was for the fact that the boy was left alone saying that the mom saying that she is irresponsible and “depending on other parents” to watch over her son, “what if something happened?” etc , others was for the fact that we are so much in a fear based society that we see it as “criminal” for a 7 year old to be playing in the park by himself.

I was lucky living in the mountains, able to run, walk and hide in the forest, leave for hours at a time checking in with mom for lunch and then for supper. Even when we lived in the city I was able to leave home and have adventures as long as I didn’t cross any major street, at 5 I was taking the city bus to school alone. With one place we lived, with a slight detour under the bridge that housed the highway that went through town, I could go to the park, the beach, the mall and basically cross the whole town by crossing only one small street… My mom had no problem that I did such.

I was a child in the early 80’s. At that time there was not less crime or less dangers then there are today… there was however, less fear.

When I was a child, it was normal for a 7 year old to go to the park by themselves. It was normal to ride your bike to your friends house even blocks away. It was normal to go to the store to pick up milk and other things for your mom, or go buy candies and treats even though it was a good walk to the store. Now however, it seems what is normal has changed. Parents seem to be scared to let their children explore since they have been fed horror stories and fear based news. The “what if’s” seem to overrule the trust in the child. I do understand that there are some kids that at 7 and not as mature as other, however, I really think that the problem is based in the fear that parents have.

Now it is the norm to have scheduled play dates and activities. Have a full schedule with a parent bringing them everywhere or staying at home and doing nothing but play video games or ride their bikes in the driveway. Children are taught to fear the world and are not taught to take care of them selves. They are not given the independence they need and crave in order to grow. It seems so contradictory especially since most of these parents believe that children must be forced into independence as babies.

I really think that if you teach a child that they are always safe at home and give them strong and trusting foundation, that in turn you teach a child how to take care of themselves and they know when to come back home in a situation that may not feel right. I think that we must talk to them about our fears (not in a way to scare them but to make them aware and make sure that they will know what to do in situations), show them that we trust them to make the right decisions because they will then want to keep that trust and will do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. I refuse to teach my children to not talk to strangers (how will they learn to make friends?) however I will teach them limits.

I refuse to shelter my children from the world and I will not hide things from them. However, I will not teach then with fear and instead show them how to deal with situations that may arise.

Though my children’s childhoods will be different from my own, I do not want it to be as different as others are making it. I think the major difference will be in the way that others perceive the independence instead of the independence itself.

the Circ debate…

Well.. I did it again and got myself into a debate.. This time it was about circ and on Mothering. Isn’t that an oxymoron.. A NFL (Natural Family Living) site and people are actually advocating circ on the birth board. Luckily, it is MDC (Mothering dot commune) and I got help…

This is the first time I have ever really spoke out against Circ… It is not an issue I have brought up before because it saddens me and scares me that people would actually do that to their child and I just never really wanted to bring it up.. However, I truly believe in the position that the “Canadian Children’s Rights Council”has and that is that Circ is the genital Mutilation of children.

It is unnecessary, there are no medical reasons for it , it is painful and it should be criminalized the same way that female circumcision has been.

I hate the “Parents Choice” argument… Parents are parents and their role should be to protect their children from unnecessary harm. Sitting around the table and making a decision to cut a piece of your child’s genital organ off is not a decision that should be up to the parents to make… It is a purely cosmetic surgery and the only person ultimately involved in the outcome of that decision is the child. He and he alone should be the one to make decisions about his body… Children are not out property, it is not a decision for a parent to make.
The “look like others” argument” in Canada the numbers of circ are getting to be quite minimal so the circed boy is most likely to be the odd one out, the US is down to almost 50/50… I doubt the topic will really come up…

The Medical Argument: Has NO foundation.. pretty much it is like saying “hmmm… lets cut of his foot so that he never gets an ingrown toenail”or “lets cut of her mammary glands so she doesn’t get breast cancer”

The Cleaner Argument: Again NOT true… the intact boy is easy to clean… splash a bit of water and that’s it.. they should never be retracted and don’t retract naturally until about the age of 4-5 and even up to puberty… there is no special care and and pretty much no care needed for an intact boy… and beside, the foreskin has a purpose, it has good bacteria that keep it clean just like us women are not completely dry… that’s how it is made and how it works!!

The “look like dad argument”… OK how much time do dads and boys compare their penises… really? If dad had a finger amputated would you do he same to the child to look like dad? No? No they may not look alike… so what!!! You can just explain that dad had a surgery that removed part of his penis and that parents are now more informed and know better…

Circumcision isn’t just a little snip. It is a risky surgery and the it is not just a little piece of skin that is removed it is a organ in itself that has multiple functions.

Circumcision is Genital Mutilation. There is not way around that Fact. It should be criminalized as it has been in other parts of the world. It is not just another parental decision.

Here is a great article on Mothering.

The Case Against Circumcision.