My Rants – Page 4 – a hippie with a minivan

where is the respect?

I am getting tired of reading and hearing about people that don’t care at all about the needs and wants of their kids but only think about themselves… people that have no respect for kids…

People that choose not to breastfeed and ignore the health risks of Formula Feeding (or know them and simply don’t care), their babies go from crib, to chair, to excersaucer, to bucket, to stroller, to high chair and must not be held to much because they believe that babies can be spoiled with too much attention and love, and *gasp* may even need human contact more than the preconceived maximum allowed time per day…. people ignore a child’s cries because they believe that at a certain time or place cries have no more meaning…. I have said it many times before and I will say it again…. making a baby cry themselves to sleep is one of the saddest things I can think about and as I said before, is pure neglect IMHO….

Babies, toddlers, kids are human beings and equals…

We choose to have children because it is part of our nature, part of what and who we are… However, in our society, many people seem to choose to have kids because it is the next step, or they really do want children but are caught up in what society and media portrays as the perfect child… that child that is seen but not heard… that is independent and never asks for anything but has every material thing on the planet… (of course they believe that you can “spoil” a child with love and attention but not with toys and possessions)

I am tired People that not only work out of the home and only see their kids for less than a few hours a day and then get babysitters on the weekends because they need “alone time” and then complain about their kids the rest of the time… They are often so unattached from the needs of their kids but try to make up for it it material goods.

How can you love someone and yet want to change them from the moment they are born? How can you love someone that you don’t respect and see as a possession?
Why do people mutilate their kids genitals with no medical reason and then try to make it seem as if it was nothing and it didn’t hurt, just blatantly making their kids out to be insensitive and not worth anything… or is it just that girls are more important and feel differently than boys since FGM is illegal…

How can someone love someone and not comfort them when they need it and make someone cry (or fuss) themselves to sleep? Would they treat their spouse like that? what if their spouse was in an accident and could no longer function, would they just make their spouse cry because they need to learn not to be be hungry, thirsty or need affection between certain times of the day? No, I would hope not, that would be cruel.. yet…. they just think that kids are not not worth respect….

How can people continue the cycle of violence by hitting their kids (and this means tapping, smacking, popping and all of the words that are used to downplay hitting) Again, if you hit your spouse, if you hit other adults you can be arrested… but kids again are not worth that respect it seems….Â It is a hard cycle to break but it must be done… violence is never the answer and it only teaches kids how to fear… not how to make the right choices…

It saddens me so much the lack of respect that kids are shown….

So… I am in a crabby mood…

I got new glasses about a week and half ago….

purdy… aren’t they?

Yesterday Colin broke them…. he wanted to try them on while I was sleeping and instead of opening them out… he bent them down… while making them straight again, one side held, the other gave out…

They are still under warranty but I have to wait until the new pieces come in in about a week…. then it will be about 40$…

Then the hot water tank busted and flooded the laundry room and a bit of the playroom…

Thank the stars Xavier came in the house while we were out in the pool… when he got in he heard water running and went down stairs and saw the water and ran to get me and said that some thing was wrong…

I left Khéna in the back yard where he was playing, told the boys to follow me because the pool gate was open… I quickly turned off the water that goes into the heater and ran back to lock the gate and get Khéna… then I looked outside and saw my neighbor and asked him to come help me find the breaker to turn of the water heater….

The boys were running everywhere, Khéna was crying cause he was tired and wanted to nurse, we couldn’t find the breaker…

I finally got Khéna to fall asleep and got the boys to calm down a little since they upset that they couldn’t play in the playroom….

I called 3 plumbers and found one that could come today (it is after 1pm and no sign of him yet)..

we finally found the breaker so that was a good thing… but no hot water until the plumber arrives and installs a new tank and Simon had a BIG mess to clean up last night….

eta: sorry jessica, I had to delete that last post and re-post and lost your comment…

The Label of Attachment Parenting (part two)

This post is just a bit of a continuation of a post I wrote in Jan 06…. you can read it Here.

Though most of that post still applies to what I believe, my views have evolved over the last year and a half since that post and as much as I have evolved, the AP community online has changed…

AP has become trendy… babywearing and Cloth diapering is stylish and continuing in the mainstream point of view of children, just more accessories. Mainstream parents that enjoy the tools that once were considered AP, and have flocked to AP support sites and have infiltrated and many times conquered them, rendering the sites to being full of people who call themselves AP but do not practice the theory.

For quite a long time now I no longer want to be identified with AP because of the skewed perceptions that people have.

I think the big problem is that people start out right… know that CIO doesn’t feel right for a good reason, know that breastfeeding is best… but aspects such as babywearing and even cloth diapering have become stylish and since the boards that host that discussion on a large basis were mostly of gentle mindset in the past, those subjects attract all…

It is GREAT that people want to wear their children more, use cloth etc… it truly is… but those are not the ways to be attached, nor are they the goals of being an attached parent… to wear your baby is a tool that makes things easier, as is co-sleeping and even gentle birth.

There seems to be a sad misconception that Attachment comes through the physical stuff in infancy but that at a certain age things just can’t work that way anymore… as kids grow up the unrealistic expectations of what a child “should” be doing step in… weaning, too big to be carried, parents think that the child should be in their own bed etc… the physical practices that defined what AP was in the past just fizzle away and AP can’t be practiced anymore. The problem as I see it is that people get stuck on the physical stuff and don’t learn or haven’t been modeled the theory of attachment.

There is a whole new world past infancy and attachment doesn’t wane after but needs to grow stronger. Living concentually, being a parent, a guide, a teacher to our children… discipline should not divide, no time-outs (love needs to be unconditional) and of course no physical punishments (smack, tap, spank all equal hit and is abusive behaviour and will lead to power struggles, insecurity and doing things for the wrong reasons). Respect should be earned both ways and modeled. It is hard to break the cycles for many, but it must be done to give the next generation a chance.
The GOAL of being attached to your child is to raise a child with respect, to raise a child that makes decisions because they are right, not because they are afraid of the concequences, to raise a child that sees the parent and not their peers as teachers or as guides… Of course that parent needs to do the right things also… not be perfect, no one is perfect but be able to admit their faults and work on them… that is what is important…

Gentle birth makes bonding easier, makes breastfeeding easier and women have less chances to have PPD…

breastfeeding gives bonding and health… Child led weaning is about respect for not only the physical needs of the child but the emotional needs as well…

When we co-sleep we teach children how to sleep by mimicking and they are able to feed easily and both get more sleep…

Babywearing fulfills a babies physical need of contact for the first few months, reduces colic, helps digestion, even teaches babies balance and the skills for sitting and walking later on… it also teaches children how to talk and communicate with others all while mom or dad has their hands free to do other things…

These are all tools that are part of the continuum from infancy, to toddlerhood and into the child and teenage years… the tools of attachment change as children grow but the attachment itself needs to survive until the day that the child becomes an adult and has the skills to continue through life on their own.

stupid garage sale rules…

Such a frustrating day!

Our city allows garage sales 4 weekends a year… 3 are in May and one at the end of August… though the August one is free the others need a license and not only can they only be valid for one weekend, you cannot even get another one if things don’t go well, rain etc…

Anyway…

I saw that it would be nice this weekend so I decided that it was a good day for a garage sale… On friday I went and got change, got the license etc and then came home to get everything together with Simon… Early on Sat morning we got everything set up and then started the wait… Well… another thing about garage sales here is that you are not allowed to advertise… neither before or during the sale.. and of course, we live on a small side street… so we practically had no one come by… finally at the end of the day we made our first sale… then a second… paying at least our license.. then a third sale made our grand total of profit…

I am never having another garage sale here… the laws really suck!!!

The only good thing was that it was a gorgeous day and I got some cute pics…

We are not ROBOTS!!!!

I am getting so tired of hearing about inductions for no reason other than impatience!!!!

If you look up term pregnancy anywhere you will read that pregnancy comes to term between 37 and 42 weeks. That means that as many babies will come naturally at 37 weeks as they will come at 42 weeks. The median of course is that “due date”, that date that everyone has their eye on. But just like 37 weeks is not pre-term if a baby comes on their own, 42 weeks is not overdue. It is NORMAL and HEALTHY. Most 1st time moms will go into labour at around 41.5 weeks as the norm. They are not “overdue”, they are not “at risk”, they do NOT need to be induced. The babies are not more at risk either, women may be tired and impatient at the end of a pregnancy,but, that’s life. There is NO need to induce!

Docs however, have also seemed to have forgotten what they learned, or maybe they never learned about natural birth. They seem to see women and babies as Robots, needing to be all the same size, gain the same amount of weight and the same gestational period. The minute that 37 week hits they start getting impatient too and for NO good reason.

Most of the women that called me for breastfeeding support all had the same story: Their doctor (the same doctor) proposed induction at 38 weeks just because they were “term” at that point and I would have to say that 3/4ths of them ended up to be C/S’s and the others had other complications. Not many women that I have talked to have had a complication free delivery and I think I have only talked to 1-2 moms that had a natural birth and went into labour on their own and I have never heard of someone having a pregnancy over 40 weeks at this hospital…

This is really sad and upsetting for me…

Right now I am nearing the end of my pregnancy… actually tomorrow I will be considered to be at officially term as I will be 38 weeks. I am also officially tired of being pregnant, I am sore, I have trouble sleeping, my pelvis feels like it is falling apart and I can’t turn in bed without having tons of pain. If I was a mainstream mom that actually trusted OB’s and wasn’t informed about the risks (or just blindly thought that doctor wouldn’t do anything that had significant risks for no reason) then I would maybe be wanting to be induced… knowing what I know however, what the risks are and trusting my body and what is normal and natural instead of an impatient “care” provider I would never be induced, especially for non-medical reasons such as impatience…

So what are the Risks?

First, induction will not work if your body is not ready to go into labour yet. That means that more meds need to be used and it can lead to failed inductions and stress on the body and baby. When the meds do work they often produce unnaturally strong contractions. Pretty much every woman you will talk to that has been induced has not been able to give birth naturally because the contractions are so strong. Why? Because these strong contractions can lower the baby’s heart rate and cause fetal distress because of the lack of oxygen that occurs with the strong contractions. It can also lead to uterine rupture which puts both the mom and the baby’s life at risk. It almost always leads to an epidural and other drugs to help deal with those unnaturally strong contractions and when a woman is drugged, the meds also go to the baby, which again can lead to fetal distress. Moreover, when the epidural is given it can stall labour so even more meds are needed.

At that point however, the labour will be labelled as “failure to progress” and a C/S is the most likely outcome. Many women are even told that it is an emergency because the child’s life is at risk and indeed many times it may be. But it is an emergency that has been caused by the initial intervention.

Inducing also automatically means that women most likely cannot walk around in labour, are mostly confined to the bed, given an IV and catheter and are not “allowed” to eat or drink.. The position that women are forced to take in the hospital is the worst position to give birth in, not allowing for gravity to help and making the pelvis smaller than in other positions. The baby is less able to go into the right position and descend into the birth canal. Women are often made to push before the body is ready and the baby is in the optimal position just because they are at a magical number of 10cm which can mean very little and can spend hours pushing the baby out because of this. This can also lead to fetal distress, can lead to fatigue (especially if the woman has been starved for hours) and often leads to more interventions such as the use of the vacuum or Forceps and or lead to a C/S. There will be many reasons given for these interventions (pelvis too small, baby too big etc… ) mostly it is just the simple result of being in an unnatural birthing position just because it gives the best view to the doctor.

Because, of course, the doctors view and comfort is more important than the health and wellbeing of the woman giving birth and the baby coming out. (/sarcasm)

Another risk to induction (breaking the waters or giving meds) is cord prolapse. If the baby is not in the optimal position and labour is induced, or the waters are broken even in a natural birth, just to make things “go faster”, or really for no reason other than the doctor or midwife wanting to intervene, the cord may come out before the babies head especially since the mom is most likely laying down with gravity working against her. Cord prolapse is dangerous and makes for an automatic C/S and is often directly caused by the procedure. It is highly unlikely to happen naturally. When the waters break before labour starts it is often due from pressure that head puts on the membranes and the head with gravity works as a plug not letting the cord go by. Most often however, the membrane will rupture near the end of labour when the head is engaged and the mom is in active labour making cord prolapse virtually impossible.

Induction, especially artificially breaking the water also rises the risk of infection which can lead to problems with mom and baby later on also. However having the waters broken is not the problem in this case it is the whole intervention of “checking” to cervix that is the most likely cause of infection. The rule of thumb with broken waters is to keep hands away.

Induction, not just inducing labour, but other interventions that often go hand in hand with inducing labour put so many lives at risk and too often lead to C-Sections and further health problems. C/S, epidural use and other interventions make the breastfeeding rate decline which puts children and their moms at even higher risk for other medical problems later on in life, and often nulls the chance of a natural birth and puts the mom and future babies at risk also. It also has a very real effect on the natural microbiological gut flora.

There are so many other things that can go wrong because of the interventions that have taken the place of natural childbirth. Many women really don’t know or understand the risks of all of the interventions and instead just put all of their trust in others instead of themselves, and if something goes wrong then it is others that are to blame or it isn’t even know that it is a risk and then the doc is the hero at the end of it without realizing that the doc was also the cause.

Inductions are rising, C/S are rising and labour and birth are just becoming riskier and riskier because of it. The fear of childbirth is rising and the lack of trust in the body and in what is natural is being replaced by it. Doctors are the biggest problem in this and that women have been taught to put all of their trust in them is one of the saddest parts of birth today.