Holiday stress…

I love this time of year… the lights, the snow, the decorations, the mood, the stories, the crafts…

I hate the stress. I don’t know why, but the holidays have always been a source of stress for me. Even as a young child I would retreat from parties or actually feel physically ill after an hour or two. I am not a fan of crowds, they make me quite anxious, but I can manage well when it comes to friends.

The expectations…or perceived expectations are a big problem for me now. I enjoy having friends over, but when it comes to family I always feel like there is criticism. It might not be overt, and it might not even really be there consciously, but I always feel like it is. And of course I expect it to happen so I am often defensive.

What makes it hard is that no one (family wise) is used to having a lot of kids around. One child, two maybe… but with four kids in the house, things are rarely quiet. Throw in the excitement of a holiday, and having people over who are adults then there is mayhem.

I say adults because when there are other families over it is so much easier. With families, there may be double the amount of people but the kids are off and having fun on their own, we might not even see them for periods of time, but when just adults are over, the adults talk and the kids want attention, negative or positive, and when you have a very strong willed child around it makes things even harder.. It feels like whatever their behaviour is at the time is a direct reflection on our parenting and then it almost always leads to some topic that they don’t agree with…

This year there was an added stress to the holidays.

My mom and Grandmother came over on Xmas eve an we had a great time. We were supposed to head to my grandmother’s house on Xmas day as my uncle Marc was preparing a traditional Supper. However, when my mom and grandmother got home they found my uncle unconscious. My mom took his blood sugar and it was so high that it was not registering. They called 911 and he went into Coma, his body temp was 88, and his blood sugar was 64. His kidneys stopped working and he stopped breathing and needed to be put onto a ventilator. He was in bad enough shape that  we were pretty unsure if he would survive or not and I headed to the hospital to be with my family. It was a very weird atmosphere to be there on Xmas day with a Santa Clause and an accordion player visiting the emergency room and people laughing and wishing each other Merry Xmas while he lay in a Coma.It has been a rough few days but finally we had a bit of hope today and he is starting to recover though he has a long road ahead and there are still many uncertainties.

Now, Simon will be going to work for two days, then we will Welcome the new year and then head to the Winter Unschooling gathering where we will be hanging out with like minded families for 4 days.

I have a feeling that it will be a great ending to the stress of the holidays…

Uncomfortable subjects…

I talk to the kids about almost everything in a very comfortable way, but the other morning I came across a subject that was uncomfortable to discuss. My family.

Colin was asking if we knew anyone named Justin, and I almost said no. Weird, since that is my step-brother’s name and we were once close. When my step-dad died almost six years ago, he was going through a tough time and we haven’t been in contact since. So I was telling Colin about him and that he was like a brother and was a brother by marriage but not a brother by blood. That led my to the subject of my half-brother… my dad’s son.

When my mom and dad were still together (before I was 18 months old) my brother was part of my life. My mom left my Dad, packed the car and headed across the country and I only saw him and my brother almost a decade later. I was about 10 when I met my brother again, he was 15. I have a feeling that I took away some of the already limited attention that he got from my father and he resented me for it. On my part, I looked up to him and wanted a relationship with him, but it always led to disappointment. A few years ago I let go of the hope of having a relationship with him and instead decided that I would cut him off completely. The other morning, when the conversation turned to him it became uncomfortable.

It was uncomfortable because as I explained that he was my Dad’s son and not my Mom’s, I saw him realize that parents are not always together. It was uncomfortable because I explained that we were never close and that we haven’t talked in years and I saw his confusion of having a sibling that is out there that you don’t see or talk to. It was uncomfortable because he asked to meet his uncle and I said that he probably wouldn’t, he wondered why… It was uncomfortable because I know that they would get along great if they were to meet.

Some subjects are really hard to talk about and they are often not the ones that I expect….

Remembering…

It is World Aids day today…

A day to raise awareness, to remember those that have died.

This morning I talked to the boys about Miguel, my step-father who died of Aids in 1997. I talked to them about HIV and Aids. I shared pictures and our story. It has been nearly 14 years since he died…and though life goes on there are days like today that are full of memories and a few tears.

So today I am Remembering Miguel and other friends that have died of Aids over the years…

How times have changed…

Last time my mom was over she left some old birthday/ welcome new baby cards and miscellaneous papers from when I was tiny…

The cards were fun to look at, but the other documents were, well a bit scary…

One is book that she got when she was pregnant with me, and the others are two little pamphlets that she received in the hospital concerning feeding.

The pregnancy book was full of information for the pregnant mom. What to expect each month, what is happening in her body, what to eat, ideas for exercise etc… I skimmed though it a bit and then happened to read something that stopped me in my tracks… a page of recommendations…

Here are a few:

  • Avoid  X-rays unless the doctor deemed it necessary (I guess my mom’s doc did find it “necessary”)

4 1/2 hours before I was born

  • Do not ingest any Baking soda or antacids during pregnancy. (Really? What’s wrong with Baking soda?)
  • Limit alcohol and cigarettes if you can. (No!! Wait!!! that cake has baking soda in it… here’s a cigarette and a martini instead…)
  • Avoid getting cold. (so… don’t go outside 6 months of the year)

Of course, this was followed because there were not many other ways to get information about such things in the 70’s… and of course, doc knows best… right?

It gets worse though…

I’ll post the hospital feeding policies and recommendations next….

11 years today…

Simon and I have now been married for 11 years…

I was just 21 when we walked down the aisle but I knew that I had found “the one”… now 11 years and 4 children later, I know that I was not mistaken.

It is amazing how time flies, and though I don’t feel “old”, I look back on pictures and I can see that I looked so young… It won’t be in too long now that we will have been together for more years than not… what a strange concept…

So here is to 11 years and many more to come!!!

Colin drew this for us this morning…

Us on our wedding day 🙂

Colin's drawing...

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