I brought Colin for more blood tests today… it was horrible…
The nurse looked at the order and then looked at me and said “oh…dr.daoud” and then sighed. I asked what it was about and then passed a comment that I don’t like her either and then asked what she had to say about her… she explained that she orders too many unnessesary tests….
I knew when I met her, when we had that run-in in her office that she was not the kind of doctor that I would ever be able to trust with the well being of my child.
I told her that we just needed to check for Iron and sighed again saying that there were way too many if it was just for Iron but she couldn’t advise me cause she isn’t a doctor….
The test was horrible, Colin was miserable, crying and sobbing, signing Maju with his free hand….and all I could think of was was why we where getting these tests done.. I regret it now…. I feel horrible… I really, truly beleive that his amemia was due to his illness and not due from a lack of Iron…. I feel horrible for putting him through that… the worst part was then half way through the blood wasn’t flowing anymore so they had to switch…. I asked them if they at least had the Iron ones done and she said no… those where the two that where left…. I would have stopped it then if they were done, I should have stopped it there…. I gave him Maju and comforted him and then we had to start again…
They left the door open a bit during that second half and each time I looked up I saw all of the people in the waiting room looking at us… they all looked like they wanted to comfort him as much as I did…. and they almost all gave me a supporting smile when we walked out… there wasn’t a seat available there so I went into the archive room across the hall and sat down and nursed him… he was happy again… all was forgiven….
I still regret it…
I should have listened more to my instincts… I shouldn’t have made him go through that…
I feel awful
First off, I have to admit that I’ve never read any blogs, let alone left any comments. What I have to say may mean zero, for my reputation is somewhere below that of Gerber’s CEO.
I truly think that you’re being too hard on yourself. I won’t assail you with the usual cliches about such things, I’ll just tell you something from the heart. (I’m a writer, from the heart is all I know.)
You may regret not going with your gut this time, but I can tell you one thing: you have shown me that instinctual parenting is the way to go. I stumbled across this site by searching for attachment parenting. I knew that I wanted to go that way, but I always seek more foundational ideas on which I can base my actions, and indeed my life. You have provided that for me. Sometimes you have shown me through your happy posts, and now you have shown me through this most woeful tale, that instincts always serve life fully.
You have learned something through this traumatic experience, and I have no doubt that it will stay with you and help you through your many blessed years as a mother of wondrous worth. What’s more, however, is that you have hit something in my being that will change me for the better. I am only 20 (just today in fact) and my children are likely several years down the road, but you have given me a tremendous, eternal gift simply by living your life the best you can.
I truly believe what Nieschte said (forgive that it is not exact),
“That which does not kill us only serves to make us stronger.”
The results are not always immediete or self-evident, and it is often easier to remember the fall than the fact that you’ve learned a new way to balance yourself. Take heart, and know that your good times, your bad times, your every day times may help a 20-year-old guy from Alberta.
Once more, I thank you. You are among the honoured.
P.S. I will be following your blog with keen interest from now on.
Thank you so much for your kind words…
I never thought that this blog would do much when I started it, I never thought that people would actually read…
This blog has put many things in perspective for me… writing things down has always done that…
It makes me happy that it may help guide others…
Hi Melissa: Have been following your blog for a few weeks now but this entry struck a particular cord with me and I had to reply as I empathize completely.
My son was born at 28wks last year, 2lbs 1oz. A rough road the first few months. We’ve been to doc appts galore and more exams than most humans do in a lifetime unfortunately. My first ped insisted I add vegetable oil to my pumped breastmilk in an effort to add calories and bulk up my little guy (5lbs at that time). I suggested trying to give more hindmilk instead but he wouldnt have it. I went against my better judgment and motherly instinct and added the oil for a week. I mean society tells us that we should trust these people; they are paid incredible salaries for a reason right? Anyway oil did not agree with him at all, terrible BMs, straining and grunting and he ate less so what good did it do? None. And of course, how could a 1-month old’s digestive system handle oil? I stopped, ped got mad. I left him.
So my mantra now (and perhaps advice) is:
First time, shame on the pediatrician for giving me such dangerous advice just to reach a % on the growth chart. And shame on yours for ordering what seems to be excessive blood tests.
Second time though, if I (we) disregard my (our) motherly instincts, shame on me (us).
Alas, I’ve gone through 3 peds in seven months but motherly instinct is a tremendous force as I’ve come to realize (even early on while Liam was in the hospital).
Hope Colin is doing better today, Tiffany
I hope both of you are feeling better about all of this today. I’m sorry Colin has to go through this 🙁 When did you find out he was anemic? They say it’s only from a lack of iron, are they implying b/c of being breastfed? But you feel it’s from something else (sorry I need to go through your archives!)? I have been struggling with doctors and trusting them for awhile ever since Julian had all of his GI trouble. I have very little faith in Drs which is frustrating since it’s so much pressure on us, especially when I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, and you want to be able to listen to the “experts” without having to second guess everything they say.
Tiffany, Thank you…
After colin nursed directly after the test he was already doing better. However, he is still a bit jumpy when we touch his arms.
Here is the tory…
A week before X-mas, Colin had a high fever and as a result had a febrile seizure. We then spent a few days in the hospital trying to get his fever down. (It was 106 for a few days)
I fought a few things in the hospital, like getting them to disconnect the serum (he was nursing great the whole time) and I went home before they would have wanted me to etc… (you can read about it in my “medical maladies” section…)
Anyways…. the fever was because of a virus, the virus attacked his white blood cells so they were at a dangerous level, he also had a sinus infection which was treated with Antibiotics (I would have refused this in normal circumstances but because his white blood cell count was so low, his body would have needed to fight hard) He had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics (so allergic to the while penicillin family) and we switched to another antibiotic.
We were asked to come back a week later to make sure that his white blood cells were back up and when they did the test they saw that the red blood cells were low (the white cells were back to normal)….
The hospital’s ped (who I had seen at the hospital called me on a wed night in a huff saying to come in because he was anemic and she wanted to start Iron supplements, do more test etc…. I got an appt for friday morning.
However, right ater the call I Started to do a bit of research and found out that after certain virus’, after certain antibiotics, after anti-seizure meds etc… that some kids get a mild anemia for about a month. Colin wasn’t having symptoms etc and most importantly was that a week prior, with the blood tests done at the hospital, he wasn’t anemic.. Also, at the time of the test, he wasn’t fully recovered and hadn’t really started eating normally yet…
I brought the info to my appt. and the ped wouldn’t even look at it and completely ignored everything I was saying (she would interupt me and continue talking as if I didn’t even say a thing)
I ased her if it was ok to wait a month to see if thing would go back to normal naturally and she basically told me that I was putting his life in danger… I headed to the test room. signed in but then left…. I called my Family doctor when I got home and told him the story and he said a few weeks wouldn’t make a difference…
I really don’t trust doctors much at all anymore except my family doctor in Montreal that I do like and it is very much worth the drive to go see him. He is the kind of Doctor that actaully loves when I bring him info and is eager to exchange info with me. He speaks to me on the same level, he doesn’t medicate unless REALLY needed, doesn’t give any parenting advice etc… He doesn’t agree with my decision to not vax and offers info on vax’s but doesn’t press the issue….
Oh… as for Iron and breastfeeding… though it is true that breastmilk contains less Iron then artificial baby milk, it is absorbed at the rate of 50% (VERY high) compared to the 4- 10% absorbsion in artificial milk. So a breastfed baby get more Iron then a artificially fed child.
Also, because we delayed the introduction of solids the chances of anemia are even lower…. so no…. I really believe that his anemia wasn’t do to a lack of Iron.