I woke up this morning spotting lightly…I checked my cervix and it was medium and closed and I wondered when it would end…
I went grocery shopping and the bleeding got a bit heavier and I felt really heavy and slow… by the time I got home I was not feeling the best…
I sat down with Khéna and he fell asleep and as I shifted my weight a bit and did an involuntary Kegal I felt that something was there… I asked Simon to take Khéna and headed to the bathroom… a clot had come out… no blood or anything was with it… just a large clot that looked like a piece of liver… my cervix was open and I just knew at that moment.. it was most likely the end…
A little while later, I took a dollar store test that I had picked up today and it was negative…
My spotting is gone and there is nothing when I wipe… I can’t believe how fast that was….
I don’t feel pregnant anymore… I still feel strange that I didn’t bleed much, no where near what my normal period is… and that I didn’t have any cramps either…
I am OK though… I think I knew the moment that I saw the blood last Monday… and really I think that I knew before…
I had debated with myself whether to share the news of my positive test here on my blog and decided I would because it is in many ways my journal… my way of remembering things which include even the earliest days of pregnancy and whatever comes with it and after it…
I am also glad that I did because I was able to get feedback and support in a time that I needed it and I thank those that followed me through this…
I’m shedding a few tears for you. You’re a dear friend and I wish I could be there for you more than I have been. I’m so glad that you at least know.
Paxye, I am so sorry. Lots of love to you and Simon and the boys.
Sorry to hear this, Paxye. I know all too well how much it hurts. Take care of yourself.
I’m so sorry. I know how sad you must be even though it wasn’t planned. The same thing happened to me a few months ago (at 45 years old!) and I was very sad.
Did this pregnancy give you the inspiration to try wholeheartedly to have another child? If I hadn’t be so elderly I definitely would have had another after my mis. Now I’m patiently but eagerly awaiting grandchildren. 🙂 (my boys are only 14 and 11 so it’ll be a while.)
I just started reading your blog and I love it!
Your breads are amazing, I can’t make a good bread to save my life. It may be because I live in the desert and it never rises properly.
I love you guys. I can’t wait to give you all big hugs.
i’m so sorry… i’m sending hugs to you… it took me 3 pregnancies to bring jakers into this world, so i’m too familiar with the loss… once you get the positive test, it’s real to you, no matter what anyone says… i know you were uncertain about #4, so telling you to focus on the 3 you have may or may not be helpful – but your boys really *are* beautiful – – – and it’s obvious they’re the light of your life… grab the hugs where you can!
oh no. i’m so sorry to hear this news. we will be thinking of you…. hope you’ll be feeling back to your self soon.
Wanted to give you hugs and I’ve been there twice. Shed those tears when you feel you need to. Mourn this loss as you take the time to be gentle and heal yourself.
I am very very sorry for your loss but grateful that you shared with us all.
Long time reader…
Joy (housefairy)