This topic has come up latelty on a few blogs that I read including Mama C-ta and Mother Anarchy and a few boards…
It seems that we non-mainstream moms have trouble making friends with the moms of the mainstream. I agree and find it sad but it is not something I see changing anytime soon. I just can’t seem to make friends with people that have completely oppositional views then me on something that I take so much pride in and believe so much in.
But like Sara said:
“My husband has suggested, in not so many words, that my standards are too high, or that I need to cut mainstream moms some slack, but seriously, how likely am I to connect with a mom who doses her child with meds for his Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or who leaves her screaming newborn with the cashiere while she shops?…… As I told my husband, there are some fundamental differences that I can’t overlook.”
I remember being invited to a fellow mom’s home when Colin was about 4-5 months old. I got to her house and her older son was gone to daycare as he does everyday even though she was a SAHM… we talked a bit, small talk at most and at one point she told me how she used CIO adn that her dd cried for hours (she was 3 months old)… she then told me about how her older son gets up early and that he has to wait in the stairs until she gets up and is not allowed to even get a toy during that time… explaining that once he stayed here for 3 hours…
I could no longer look her in the eyes after that day… I made up and excuse and left as soon as I could. There are just somethings that I can’t deal with knowing the harm that it may cause. However, unlike beating a child, you can’t complain about it and get heard because it is still so much part of the mainstream, even though more and more mainstream sources are saying that it may have been a mistake.
Some may call it “judgemental” and maybe it is… however what is wrong with being judgemental when we think that someone is truly harming their child? To be friends with someone I must have respect for them, and I simply can’t repect someone that truly doesn’t respect their child and in retrospect, I can’t imagine them respecting me if they are not able to respect their own child.
It is not that I can’t make friends with the mom’s of the mainstream, it is that I truly don’t want to… One day I will maybe I will be able to get past certain issues because we will have been past that stage and it will simply not be talked about, However, there is something about the way that a child is seen by this person that I believe stays past the stages. Though I may not know what bothers me, there will be something there that prevents a connection. I have seen this already with people that I know with older children.
In this small city in Quebec non-mainstream moms are just hard to find. If I could get past a few differences friendships may be easier to make but I wouldn’t be happy and it wouldn’t be healthy. I am happy however, with the friends that I have made, I know that I have made friends for life.