I wrote something in the comments of the last post that I would like to expand on… “I am ready for some changes in my life and the easiest place to start is with myself.”
I have some big plans for the future. We would like to sell the house and move. Maybe back to Montreal, ideally, out of province. However, it is hard to leave the stability we have now and take the plunge into the unknown. The more I think about it, the more I want it, but because we are not ready yet, it just becomes depressing to think of what could be. I am one of those people that when I want something, I want it now, and when I can’t get it I feel discouraged and live in a standstill… living in wait of something, instead of living in the moment.
I realize though, I can’t control big changes like this. Our Mortgage is up next year, if we sell now, we would have a penalty to pay which we can’t afford. Simon has a a stable job, which he hates, and we hate that he has to do something he hates each day, but it is a steady income that is hard to leave behind. One day we will be ready, but it isn’t at this moment. I need to accept that. Not that I will not change our dream and work towards it, but I realize that it takes little steps.
I may not be able to control the big picture at the moment, but I can control small changes, changes within myself, external and internal. A haircut, may be just a haircut, but it also a symbol for me that I am ready. I have dropped 10lbs in the last 2 months and I plan on losing a whole lot more. I no longer feel attachment to most of the stuff in my house and I just feel like getting back into that active mode of decluttering I was in a few years ago and getting rid of as much as I can that we don’t use or need.
I might want the big change now, but I am accepting that it might take longer then I wish. But, the little changes, I can control them. The little changes I make now can only make us more ready for the future and in the meantime I will not feel at a standstill, I will be able to keep moving ahead and hope that our big dreams will be realized sooner than later.
Everything is a process 🙂 Enjoy the journey…
I feel this too. Changing or resolving small issues keeps me from going mad. We live in a tiny house and can’t move because we have yet to make any usable profit from our business which we started because Mr G hated his job.
I move furniture around and plant things in the garden despite hoping that I won’t be here to see them grow! This year I’ve bought a blackberry cane which may not fruit for 2 years…
I love the way a haircut represents so much more… a haircut isn’t ever ‘just’ a haircut for me either. It’s always a sign of something else. A bigger transition, that for the moment I can’t quite achieve, so a small change in my self will keep me sane just a little while longer… Baby steps… wishing you positive vibes for the changes you desire.
i really appreciate reading your blog and i secretly hope you will choose Montreal instead of out of the province as I too live in Mtl and I would love meeting you and your family!
Yes, Haircuts are GREAT to move on to something new and leave the old US behind.
I remember the 2 times i cut my hair realy realy short, each time was before leaving for a long trip backpacking around the world (the second time was with a baby in the backpack :O)
I wish you all the best with your small changes that will go a long way.
Joanna
Paxye, I’m so impressed that you’ve been able to sort out what change you need and starting with the change you can do yourself. That part can be so challenging. I can wholeheartedly relate to your struggles with being in the wrong place and while change is scary, it seems to me that the biggest rewards usually come from those changes that mean the most to us and are the most difficult to make. It’s as if things need to get sooo bad for us to realize what it is that we really need.
There’s been a lot of not-so-nice stuff to deal with this year but living in a place that we love, where we’ve easily connected with like-minded folks and also been able to see more of our family has made us so much more capable of managing. I am able to smile and laugh every day about how fortunate we are to live in a place that so meets our needs and we’re getting to spend quality time together. It has been SO awesome thus far. And dumping that job that I hated? So worth it! For me, for Kevin, and our relationship. My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner!
As with all types of change it is hard to commit but it seems to me that you’ve made a huge step already. All the best to you on your journey!