The last few days have been gorgeous but I haven’t been outside like I would like to. I did go to a friends house yesterday and did get out of the house, but we stayed in her house while the kids played outside.

I just don’t feel like I have any energy. I feel out of breath and if I stand or walk for a certain amount of time, it takes days for the pain to go away. My SPD is taking over my life in many ways and it annoys the heck out of me.

Today is just one of those days that I am looking around and feeling like I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep though it. Though I have been living in this house for more than 5 years now, it still doesn’t feel like home. I hate the Decor, I am starting to hate the colour but there is almost no way we would be able to repaint at the moment… I just don’t have any ideas how to make this place feel more like home and of course being hormonal and in a nesting mode is definitely not helping.

Of course, not getting out is not helping the boys’ moods either… they seem to be feeling stir crazy and not wanting to play in the back yard. Though they don’t say anything, I know that I am not being very present at the moment and that has been making me feel even more in a rut.

I just feel… defeated.