Well, the 20 week mark is fast approaching and it is the time that I will be able to call the birthing center in Nicolet and see if I am able to see a midwife… however, over the last few months I have grown not only to accept that I might be going unassisted, but I it has become a goal and what I want the most.
I am still debating if I will call the birthing center, I no longer beleive that it is what is best for me. I no longer want any kind of intervention. I don’t need that support especially now that I know that the midwifes here in Quebec are truly “Medwifes”… If I do call, I would go into the first appointment and address at that moment that I will be having a homebirth and there is no way that I would go to the birthing center to give birth. Since they are too far for a homebirth to be concidered, that would leave me in the position to have a UC anyways… If they decide to make an exception and come here, then I would have them understand that I want an unhindered birth and they would not be allowed to do any kind of monitoring and will not be present for the actual birth… However, just the presence is enough to turn me off and make me uncomfortable… I WANT to be alone…
I know that this conversation would not go over well with a medwife… I don’t want to deal with anyone talking down to me because they don’t agree with/don’t understand what I need… I am feeling more and more that I don’t want to even try to see a midwife….
A part of me wants to go for a few prenatal appointments however so this is the factor that is making this decision a bit hard…
My journey started out with a choice being made for me because a sOB is never a choice IMO…. however, now not only do I feel comfortable wth my decision it has become my ultimate goal…
I need to have an unhindered and unassisted birth. I need to bring this child into the world into the safest and more comfortable atmosphere which is our own home…
I encourage you to follow your heart. During my last pregnancy, I knew I wanted a homebirth but still thought I’d get pre-natal care. I kept dilly-dallying around, not sure where I wanted to go — not willing to be pressured into any tests just because I was forty. I didn’t even want ultrasound. It reached the point where it would no longer be a good idea to get medical pre-natal care, because I was so far into my pregnancy. You know, they usually want you to see a doctor the minute you think you might be pregnant. {During my first pregnancy (at thirty-five), I did get medical pre-natal care (and medical birth), and, I kid you not, they offered me genetic counseling (a little late!).}
In my third trimester, I started seeing an independent midwife, one who’d assisted a friend of mine with all three of her homebirths. She was wonderful; she showed me how to monitor my own urine tests (for sugar and protein — that was all she tested besides vital signs and measurement), loaned me books, and gave me a ton of good advice. My labor started so mild and progressed so quickly, we waited too late to call her, and she arrived five minutes after Peggy did. My husband, daughter, and two good friends who’d had some of their babies at home were there to support me and it really went great. Then my midwife arrived and took care of all the clean-up and helped in so many ways most people never realize.
If we have another, I’m not sure if I’ll go unassisted or have my midwife; I’ll pray and listen to my heart and peacefully do what feels right. I realize now that my dilly-dallying was really just me listening to my heart and doing what was best for my baby and me.