Last night I went out for a supper with some of the ladies from the homeschooling group…
We were to go to a fine Italian restaurant (Restaurant Laöra in St-Hilaire to be exact) and have a supper and talk and share… it was awful…
not the company, not the food, though it wasn’t amazing… but the atmosphere…
The restaurant had booked another group that were having a x-mas party and were really partying… and it was so loud that we had to scream to be able to talk… it was just really unpleasant… I wish they would have at least told us that there was another group and that there would be live rock music we could have made the choice to go elsewhere…We asked them if they could put the volume down just a bit and they ignored us… awful… really awful…
but something else happened last night… and I really felt pushed to the sidelines because of our choices…
The local group have been getting together for the kids to do things and they assumed that I wasn’t interested… and maybe I would have been, maybe not, but I don’t think it was their decision to make… I have to admit that I am pretty hurt because one of them is a good friend.
They just really don’t get the way we do things… So I wrote an e-mail this morning saying that I was pretty hurt that they made the decision for me and my children and that unschooling isn’t about doing nothing, it is about having resources and activities available and letting children make their own choices about what they want to do with them. That even if we were invited, it wouldn’t guarantee our participation but at least the kids would have the option and they might very well be interested… and even if they didn’t do it they might like to hear the other kids do it and would love to get to play with them after… (they were doing oral presentations)
Though I truly believe in the way we are doing things I am getting tired of being in the sidelines all the time… having people misjudge what we are doing yet not wanting to learn more. Trying to explain and instead of being listened to having the person go into a defensive mode and see what I am saying as judgement instead of opinion…
The friend whom I am close to called me after she got the e-mail and said that she really felt bad about it and that I could of course come over… but I didn’t go… I would have felt too uncomfortable and I am feeling a bit too hurt by the whole situation…
Oh no! That’s awful, Paxye. How hurtful to be left out. I’ll call you as soon as I have a free hand here.
I’m sorry to hear that sweets. I know that feeling all too well… You’re not alone, especially in your beliefs! 🙂
I’m really sorry to hear about that…being left out is even worst as our homeschooling community is so small.
You have allowed yourself and your family to live freely and I think it explains the defensive mode your talking about. It’s quite confronting to meet someone (you 😉 living in such a way you wish you could to.
But for so many and various reasons, people don’t allow themselves because they have expectations for them and for their kids. I do not know why, but that’s what I have observed with my parenting choices(breastfeeding, birthing..) Letting go is very hard at times.But you know, the pleasure to discuss with you, is that it opens mind to a larger world.
One thing for sure, you will never leave anyone indifferent (even if it gets tiring to always explain)
Thanks gals 🙂
Some days it just harder than others… and things get to me more…
Poor thing, I know exactly how you must feel. I am in contact with *zero* other homeschoolers, being in France and in the country and although I mourn the fact that I have no one round here who is on my wavelength, perhaps it is better in someways.
So, because you have been labeled as an unschooler, people in this group thought that your kids don’t do activities??
Is that right?
What planet are they on?
May be it’s time to find another group. Do you have any more near you?
I get that. I am an unschooling mom too (although our kids are only 3 1/2, 2 and 6 wks) and we haven’t even told my husband’s family that we are doing that. They think we are going to homeschool the kids. 🙁
There are three teachers (two in his immediate family alone) in his family and they aren’t keen on anything unstructured (they are also very religious and have grown up in structured environments).
I have told my family but they aren’t saying much now. I imagine the resistance will be unbelievable once my kids reach school age.
I hope you can power through and continue your efforts to expose your kids to your community.
I get that. We haven’t even told most people (including my husband’s family) that we are unschooling our kids.
Once they reach school age I am sure the dissent will be astronomical.