Ahhhh…..the joys of Parenthood… before I had kids I had a completely different idea of what being a mom was and what children were really like… Having a child changes Everything!
To be Honest, I knew this but I didn’t know to what extent it was going to be… the thing about it all is that the more I understood this, the more I accepted it, the easier and more fulfilling life as a mom became.
I quickly understood while watching my first son sleep in my arms that my life was never to be the same again, the life before ‘motherhood’was gone.
But that was what being a mother was… Wasn’t it?
Should I try to be the person I was before but with kids?
Can’t they just come with me everywhere?
Life will never be the same, but is it bad?
No, of course not… I am going to the next level, I am now a Mom.
Going back I have always been the black sheep in my surrounding. My ideas always seemed radical to those that surrounded me. Parenting has not been different.
When I was pregnant I knew that I was going to breastfeed. I didn’t know anybody that did, but I never understood why. Why give a chemical soup instead of breastfeeding. It is proven to be best, it is the natural way to feed our young, it is free and it is so much less hassle.
Everyone around me had an excuse why they couldn’t breastfeed…
“My breasts are too big”
“My breasts are too small”
“My milk never came in”
“My milk wasn’t rich enough”
“My baby was too big”
“My baby was too small”
“I had to take Meds”
“It hurt too much”
Etc, Etc, Etc, Etc……
Could it all be true… I had to read up on it more….
Then I started seeing it.. “99% of all women can breastfeed exclusively”, “It is very rare that a women can’t breastfeed” etc…
I understood 99% the excuses that I heard came down to two things
1)they don’t want to breastfeed and just make up excuses (because it is easier then trying to defend themselves and their thoughts)
2)they do want to breastfeed but lack the confidence in their body to do it and get caught up in the bad advice of Doctors, Family and/or friends.
I wouldn’t be one of those… I will breastfeed, I will give my child the best start in life.
When my son was born I knew that I could do it and I knew that my body was made to nourish this child that I had given birth too. I knew I was going to succeed because I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Other things came over me when he was born also. My insticts took over completely. I knew that he needed to be in my arms often, he was inside me just hours before, the world could be a scary and cold place and he needed me and I needed him. We brought him into our bed, I fed him when he was hungry, It didn’t feel right if he cried… these ideas where always seeming to clash with others around..
They thought he would be spoiled, that he was manipulating me…
“Let him cry, it’s good for his lungs”,
“Babies just need to cry sometimes”,
“He has to learn to be by himself sometime”
“He’ll never be able to go to sleep/be on his own”
“He has to learn to Self-Soothe”
None of this made sense to me… Wasn’t he just a baby?
Isn’t Crying the only way that he can communicate what he needs?
Isn’t he the one that knows what he needs and when?
I dived into books and internet sites and slowly I started seeing the words Attachment Parenting more and more while searching for things and searching for support…
Surely I wasn’t the only one that thought this way? Maybe “they” are who I am looking for? Maybe “They” are who I am!
From then on I identified myself as an AP Mom and from then on I have had trouble being comfortable in the mainstream world and way of thinking…
This is my Rant…
Welcome to the way things used to be, but not the way they are now in “the norm” … but most certainly, the way they SHOULD be!!
It’s a joy to be a freak to those you know. One day, you might get a tiny glimmer of the effect you’ll have on others. I’ll never forget the day a friend called, one who said ALL of the same things you’ve heard from friends. She called to apologize. She was a “closet” AP parent, but she knew who to call when other stuff stopped making sense.
You’re an amazing mother!
Thanks so much… I still can’t believe that it isn’t the norm. AP may be a new term but the concept is just what comes naturally!
I can’t imagine being a parent doing things that just don’t feel right but having the feeling that I am obliged to do do so…. how can you truly enjoy parenthood?
Hi Paxye! Your blog caught my attention. I wish I had learned what you did much earlier on. My oldest son is now 18 and graduating High School. The first 18 months of his life were so traumatic for us. He slept 6 hours total including naps and was what they called collicky baby. He cried constantly. During his 18th month my husband got transferred and we had to live in a hotel while we searched for an apartment. We brought the baby into bed with us and had our first full night’s sleep in 18 months.Peace reigned in the kingdom and we never looked back! When he was about three, he decided he was ready to sleep in his own and he never looked back.
Paxye, I’m visiting from the Sept ’04 BBC boards, and I wanted to tell you you have been an AP inspiration to me. Thanks!